Is arranged marriage moral?

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Kungfujedimaster24
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Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Kungfujedimaster24 »

What are the advantages and disadvantages of arranged and love marriages? What is the ethical science in moral philosophy for the validity of marriage? What i mean to say is that what are the benefits of marriage on a mental level. Does marriage improve your personality or behavior? Does it make you a better person or make you want to become a better person? Does a human being really need someone as a life partner according to science or philosophy? Are you not able to survive alone? Do the benefits outweigh the risks? What are the advantages of marriage over being single? Who should do it; what should be the logic or rationale; when is the right moment; where do you start; why is it so hard to do and stay in it; which person should you choose; how do you know that he/she is the one?
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Alias »

Kungfujedimaster24 wrote: What is the ethical science in moral philosophy for the validity of marriage?
Whatever significance each society assigns to marriage within its world-view.
What i mean to say is that what are the benefits of marriage on a mental level.
That's quite different from the moral philosophy, which is on a societal level.
Does marriage improve your personality or behavior? Does it make you a better person or make you want to become a better person?
Yes and yes. That's not guaranteed in all instances, but is statistically valid. You get an immediate reduction on your car insurance premiums.
The rationale is simple enough: Once a young man finds someone with whom he wants to settle down (and, in most cases, produce offspring) he has already mentally prepared himself for the adult stage of his life, is ready to assume responsibility and social status. On the emotional plane, of course, he also desires to protect and please the person he loves and wants to prove his worthiness to be a father. On the interpersonal plane, two people who think well of each other and intend to form a lasting partnership will also be more aware of the other's needs and feeling, more generous and supportive, more optimistic and confident than they each were alone. Their positive efforts are applauded and reinforced.
Does a human being really need someone as a life partner according to science or philosophy? Are you not able to survive alone? Do the benefits outweigh the risks?
Most people benefit from having a life partner. For most, the benefits not only outweigh the risks of involvement but reduce the risk of living alone. A few are better alone and make very bad partners for those unwise enough to choose them.
What are the advantages of marriage over being single?
Emotional stability, physical security, longer life, lower stress, better career prospects, higher social esteem and - if one reproduces - a better prospect for any progeny.
Who should do it
Anyone who desires to and finds a willing suitable mate.
what should be the logic or rationale
"I will be happier living with this person than living alone."
when is the right moment
When it happens.
where do you start
"Hello. I it me you're looking for?"
why is it so hard to do and stay in it
Not for me. If it's hard, the reasons are unique in each case.
which person should you choose
Avoid the ones under legal age, and the ones who don't like you. From what's left, use the process of elimination.
how do you know that he/she is the one?
You just know. Even when you're dead wrong.
Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit atrocities. - Voltaire
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Kungfujedimaster24
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Kungfujedimaster24 »

Thank you very much for your answer. I also wanted to know is arranged marriage moral and what are the advantages and disadvantages of arranged and love marriages?
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LuckyR
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by LuckyR »

Kungfujedimaster24 wrote:What are the advantages and disadvantages of arranged and love marriages? What is the ethical science in moral philosophy for the validity of marriage? What i mean to say is that what are the benefits of marriage on a mental level. Does marriage improve your personality or behavior? Does it make you a better person or make you want to become a better person? Does a human being really need someone as a life partner according to science or philosophy? Are you not able to survive alone? Do the benefits outweigh the risks? What are the advantages of marriage over being single? Who should do it; what should be the logic or rationale; when is the right moment; where do you start; why is it so hard to do and stay in it; which person should you choose; how do you know that he/she is the one?
Human behavior is all about motivation. For a few the motivation to do the things required of a successful marriage are what the person would do anyway. Rare. OTOH, for many if not most the motivation to behave in a manner that promotes the relationship is a combo of family/children potential and love/lust. The former would not be a variable in the arranged vs. "love" marriage, whereas the latter is a key component of them.
"As usual... it depends."
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Alias »

Kungfujedimaster24 wrote: I also wanted to know is arranged marriage moral
Why wouldn't it be? What basic moral precepts does it violate?
and what are the advantages and disadvantages of arranged and love marriages?
An arranged marriage doe not preclude love and love does not preclude an arrangement. (Think prenuptial agreement.)

In societies where marriages are normally arranged, there is still a range of, criteria, means and methods. A competent matchmaker, in a large town, can find young people who are very suitable and compatible: all the factors that normally cause trouble, and breakup, in love-matches are eliminated up front: the odds of success are far better than if meeting is left to chance.
Let's face it, most love-matches among the very young are really about lust - not the best foundation for a long-term team effort of two people who grow old and ugly - as we all do - long, long before they're ready for it.
On the other hand, people who marry their best friend out of a deep affection and respect are likely to form happy, lasting marriages.

It isn't how you meet that determines the success of a union: it's how well you get along.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Burning ghost »

Marriage is probably over idealised.

I do not care much for marriage, but the idea of dedicating to someone for the rest of my life is something that has attractions for me.

Generally speaking you may as well ask "are any kind of relationships important?". Yes, they are. I don't think anyone needs to actually adhere to the institution of marriage to happily spend their lives with another person.

Arranged marriages stem from a tradition of parents finding suitable partners for their children. This can work for some and not for others. It depends on the relationship between parents and children more than anything. I think in western society this role of match maker has been taken on by the friends more than the parents.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Alias »

Of course, when romantic Westerners think of arranged marriage, they usually imagine a young girl, forbidden her handsome boyfriend and forced to marry a mean old man. That happens, though mostly in the ultra-religious communities, where she would be treated just as badly, or worse, by a young husband.
The other situation of forced marriage is for business or political alliances; to keep land and wealth in the family.
For most ordinary people in countries where marriages are arranged, the partners are chosen from similar economic and social backgrounds and matched for compatibility. They - or at least the potential groom, and the bride's family - generally has the freedom to turn down a match they don't like.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by TSBU »

I don't even know why do people get married, there is no sense (in my eyes) to give a different legal status to a "love contract", if you want to be with someone, just be with someone.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Dolphin42 »

TSBU: When I was younger I would have agreed with you, but now I see the value of declaring a commitment to somebody publicly, formally, in the form of a ceremony that is recognized by society. I think that it is, in part, a recognition of the fact that life can get hard and the pressures to split up and abandon the whole thing can be strong and that therefore we need the support that shared rituals can provide.

Regarding the OP: No, there is nothing immoral, per se, about arranged marriages. Swings and roundabouts.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Alias »

The point of declaring a committment is to give it social recognition.
The families and communities of both partners, in acknowledging a legal union, usually take some responsibility for the couple's well-being. That is, if they have conflicts, they can count on advice from older people; they may get the necessary support that brings their marriage through the inevitable rough spots; they have people to turn for material aid if their poor judgment or bad luck causes hardship. If the husband dies or deserts her, the wife will be protected and taken care of. If the wife dies, her mother or sister take care of the of and comfort the bereaved husband, and so forth. Kin-by-law are obligated to offer such help, even if they're reluctant: it's security. This used to be a far more weighty consideration than it is now, but it still matters to many people; it still cam make an enormous difference to the success of a family.

The legals status, too, matters, in things like joint bank accounts and ownership of property, the right to be present and make decisions in case the other person is incapacitated; the disposition of pensions, benefits, insurance and assets (debts, too!) when they die or separate.
And of course, crucially, the right to one's offspring.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Gertie »

Is rape moral? Is being a bargaining chip in your family's status or economic security moral?

It's no coincidence you find arranged marriage in extremely patriarchal societies.

Can it work, sure. Can arranged marriages be happy? Yes.

But I want consent. And I want consent for everybody. Not coerced consent, whether it's from disappointed parents of a society which tells me it's the right thing to do. Just consent.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Alias »

Which is why I differentiate between arranged marriage and forced marriage.
Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit atrocities. - Voltaire
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TSBU
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by TSBU »

Dolphin42 wrote:TSBU: When I was younger I would have agreed with you, but now I see the value of declaring a commitment to somebody publicly, formally, in the form of a ceremony that is recognized by society. I think that it is, in part, a recognition of the fact that life can get hard and the pressures to split up and abandon the whole thing can be strong and that therefore we need the support that shared rituals can provide.

Regarding the OP: No, there is nothing immoral, per se, about arranged marriages. Swings and roundabouts.
I find it sad. And, for what I've learnt, marriages are nearly always for women (for some women), not for the men. Also, laws about this are ridiculous... but laws about nearly everything are ridiculous... anyway, I'll go to the point:
I can declare my thoughts and feelings, and I think that I have a psichology that really fits in a long monogamic relationship, a lot. But why the hell should I do that in public? Hell, if I'm going to take the responsabilty of a life together, that obviously requires that she feel the same, and it requires that we both know enough each other, we know that we are honest and we want the same. I don't expect other people to punish her or me if she was lying. Nearly everybody lies in this world. And I probably wouldn't do it. Because of the same, she would be just another lier. Ritual? Well, it would be pretty. But I don't need other people to feel that something is "real", and I would find it sad if she need that. I would feel that she doesn't trust in me or she doesn't trust in herself. Also, suppose that I become a body in a bed, that can't even talk, but someone says that I'm "alive", I don't want her to be with me if she is not happy, and I wouldn't be with her if she wants that for me.

I won't talk more about this.

-- Updated November 15th, 2016, 5:56 pm to add the following --

Delete the "always". What I wanted to express, is that marriages seem to me like something similar to prostitution, many people want to marry their mate to "have it", many marriages are prostitution, I said "always for the women" but I know that gays can marry etc, and, if get married is just a pretty party, then why not? but legal implications, contracts, are a piece of ****, and the attitude of selling is nearly always with women, by the way, marriages of all kind probably started that way, as a contract, I sell you my daughter. I wanted to express a long thought with a short sentence and then, reading it, it seems like I'm saying something bad about women, but it's not like that at all.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Supine »

Kungfujedimaster24 wrote:What are the advantages and disadvantages of arranged and love marriages?
They aren't mutually exclusive. An arranged marriage may or may not also involve romantic love between the engaged couple.

I used to think arranged marriages were one and the same as forced marriages until some Asians, Asian women in fact, corrected me on that on an Asian board. They lived in societies in which arranged marriages were still a part of the custom and some of the people on that board were married through that custom.

In arranged marriages the daughter or son can still choose to not marry the person their parents are setting them up with.

Basically, its your parents setting you up with others, rather than your friends or co-workers setting you up with others.
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Re: Is arranged marriage moral?

Post by Alias »

Yes, or a marriage-broker acting like an introduction service.
There are many situations wherein young people don't know where to find eligible and suitable mates and need a little help.
There are many different ways of solving this problem: match-makers are just one option.
Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit atrocities. - Voltaire
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