Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#31  Postby Lucylu » December 10th, 2015, 7:50 pm

Atreyu wrote:My view is that self-pity is the driving force behind so called "tough" or "macho" behavior...



Yes, it is not the (fear/anger) reaction to our environment which is bad, but our own, internal reaction to these emotions.
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts". -Bertrand Russell
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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness



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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#32  Postby Alec Smart » July 28th, 2016, 2:10 pm

Belinda wrote:Lavie, I used to enjoy playing squash but the game was spoiled when the other person wanted to start scoring.

I hope you told him to keep his mind on the game and his hands to himself.
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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#33  Postby Greta » July 28th, 2016, 9:18 pm

Alec Smart wrote:
Belinda wrote:Lavie, I used to enjoy playing squash but the game was spoiled when the other person wanted to start scoring.

I hope you told him to keep his mind on the game and his hands to himself.

Not sure whether you have an especially sharp wit or just a one track mind, or both :)

Another aspect of power-based display behaviour is, ironically, a wish for peace, to intimidate others to avoid being hassled: "I'm scary so leave me in peace or you'll risk hurt".
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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#34  Postby Alec Smart » July 29th, 2016, 2:31 pm

Greta wrote:Not sure whether you have an especially sharp wit or just a one track mind, or both :)
.

I can only work with the material at hand, Greta. Besides, I'm too preoccupied with my middle age gut and going bald to have a one track mind about anything else.
BTW. I don't own any black Jeans or T shirts.

8)
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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#35  Postby TSBU » August 28th, 2016, 4:28 am

Hi, what do you mean by weak, or tough? I don't agree with the thread if i'm understanding it well. People don't choose to harm themselves knowing deeply that they are doing that, nobody can't do that, that's not how mind works, have you ever had a self-destructive behaviour. Self-destructive people are nearly always, maybe always, very aware of tey weakness (in fact, they are more aware than other people, that's what can make a people "tough"), a lot of them have been maltreated, and so, they try to show themselves as a person capable of vengance, they don't show their weak points, how much do they need love and that things (but that is evident, indeed, self-destructive actions are usually a "Help me!" shout... but most of time, they are a way to escape reality. It's not realted with seeing themselves superior to others, a teenager bleding does it privatly, it's probably something similar to thinking "I can get out of this world when I want it, commiting suicide, so I can keep on with this").

But, going to the main thread, for me you seem to be talking about wakness or toughness as a property of the human when he borns, but you are not talking about being the most intelligent, the strongest (phisically), the most beautiffull for more people, the... testosteronest? XD, I hope I'm wrong, but maybe you are talking about something else, and you are doing it saying that this "self-destructive" people are, and can't change that, weak (and of course, you are tough), maybe because you were never hurt. That's just the bully psichology XD, look at market prices etc... how do you put your price? how do you know your price? Well, people pay. If they can't play "the game" they are "weak"... and that can grow a lot, the guy who is selling drugs is probably thinking that way about the people who buy. And he deserves that money, he isnpt smart, he isn't anything, but he is... "tough".

Now, going to the self-destructive antisocial psichology, saying that makes you a target, you must know how weak you are, you must pass thorugh the same pain, and then, keep calling other people "weak". I have a lot of "antisocial" thoughts (well, not really, I think society doesnp0t exist, but I have a lot of "anti nearly every person" thoughts), people make laugh at other people suffering, they atack before being atacked, they get in groups to tell themselves that they are right, they pass trough their lifes almost thinking that they are perfect, they expect other people to be happy working for free and without love, they all seem to think that they are the most intelligent, they all seem to think that they are good people... and then, they blame jews, cause they are "weak".

Being tough is survive to bad experiences, and keep living. Nobody is tough when he borns, experiences are what make you "tough", and that's usually seing things that most of people prefer to evade if we call "weak" to the people who isn't intelligent etc, they usually get tough, cause they have to fight more for what they want, they have more difficult lifes. We talk about toughness to know how much can a person suffer. A tough person in some fields, is a person who can pull the trigger if he has to do it. Sometimes life means pain, you have to suffer to go thorugh life, it hurts. But some people prefer to escape it , they prefer to lie themselves and think that they are not even going to die... it's complicated, but maybe this is more for a psichology forum.
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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#36  Postby Obi1 » September 7th, 2016, 10:50 pm

The OP seems to be talking about mental toughness. Physical toughness and the demonstration of it is often to deter a more serious incident. I agree with the person who said that often times a little tough behavior is a warning to not let things spiral out of control because both parties lose. I think it's better to walk away or calm down a situation but people learn these maladaptive behaviors from maladaptive environments. In some dysfunctional childhood this person learned that the most effective way to escape a problem was to display physical toughness.

I agree that physical toughness is not mental toughness. Side note- even the biggest and most confident person isn't mentally tough in every environment.
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Re: Causes of Self-Destructive Attempts at Toughness

Post Number:#37  Postby TiffinD » September 17th, 2017, 1:50 pm

I think it's possible that self-destructive behavior like what you're describing could have a practical existence. Purposely causing oneself harm might build psychological, if not physical, tolerance to pain or hardship in general, thus effectively making one "tougher". It has the added benefit of demonstrating this tolerance to potential competition, as humans are obviously social animals and may feel compelled to do this. I can see how that may seem to imply insecurity, but it's also possible that this is just economical decision making - this display of toughness could prevent a lot of fights or competition for the person in question, thus conserving resources (energy) for when it is absolutely necessary to expend them.
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