The Nature of Judgement

I am often annoyed when I here people say you shouldn't judge those you love. There is also christian notion of do not judge lest ye be judged yourself. I am open to everyone's opinion weather it is a secular point of view or a religious point of view.

1) Do you judge those you love openly? By this I mean actual analyze them and their actions and then admonish them or compliment them based on your judgments.

2) I feel there is a strange moral dichotomy that exists in the concept of judgement in that its so natural to judge things due to our ability to use reason that we are constantly doing it on the one hand but on the other hand there is such a strong stigma against being judgmental which ultimately leads to copious amounts of duplicity and talking behind peoples backs. Even people we love.

(a) Have others experienced, practiced , witnessed or been victimized by this process?

(b) How does it make you feel to be judged? Is it better or worse coming from family or friends?

(c)Would you rather get the information first hand from someone or hear it through the grape vine?

3) There have been times when I have had close relationships challenged by my willingness to speak my mind and to be judgmental. I also think there have been times when I have benefited from someone else who took the initiative to render a judgment upon me and I always appreciated it more when it was done directly. Sometimes the truth hurts but these communications can lend perspective by shedding light on some particular modes of behavioral choices that are being ignored by us due to exigent circumstances that are driving us to action.

Obviously, everyone makes "judgments" all the time. If we didn't "judge" that our lovers were somehow more worthy than other condenders, polygamy would reign. If I remember the Christian admonition to "judge not", it continues, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

In other words we should temper our judgment with justice and forgiveness as we would have any judgment of ourselves tempered.

In addition, it's fair to make judgments about people we love, but (again there's an obvious Christian analogy) our love should not be conditional on our judgments. Of course in the case of romantic suitors, this may not be true at first -- but it is later on. We continue to love our children, whatever our judgments about their behavior.

It is also fair to ask whether judgments about behavior are moral judgments or aesthetic judgments, and is there a difference between the two.

"Justice", by the way, was one of the Seven Virtues of the Catholic Church. To the extent a judgment has an impact on the other person (if, for example, it involves punishment) it is imperative to be as just as possible.

I also think many judgements have taken on a tendency to be passive agressive i.e. the idea of tough love from a parent. The child is not meeting an expectation communicated in a vebal judgemnt and therefore a judgment is rendered by withholding either affection or assistance so that tha verbal judgement that went without being addressed by the one being judged might be revisited out of an awarness of the discomfort or dissatifaction of the tough love. I see this dynamic as a crap shoot at best because often it creates resentments. I think many parents see this as a potential neccessity. If nothing else seems to be working the "cutting off" off someone from your good graces in order that they might develop or cultivate their own ability to care for themselves and to experiences difficultites born as consequences to their actions and find a way to cope with them on an individual basis. Sometimes this works and the person who was hung out to dry will be able to take a step back and see the situation for what it was and then reestabish their relationships with a new understanding .