Dolphin42 wrote:One of the advantages of telling your story on a site like this is that it is anonymous and it doesn't really matter if it isn't perfectly composed elegant prose. You can just get it out there.
Do you find revealing that kind of information cathartic? One of the common characteristics of trauma is, I've gathered, people's need to talk about it - to externalise it; to eject it from the mind and place it in front of other people. I guess, in a way, the anonymity is a bit like talking to a psychiatrist. One of the most helpful things about that is the lack of any personal relationship with the psychiatrist, so you can be completely open and honest without worrying about its effect on the person you're talking to, or what they think about you.
Your insight is likely often the case. But I am I suppose an odd bird. Anonymity is not an issue for me. My name is Frank Delgrosso I live in Niagara Falls N. Y. On youtube that name can be looked up and you can see a real pic of me as my icon. On Facebook under that name most of my content is public. The only content I conceal is that which involves others which may not wish to have it revealed. There is nothing in my life I keep private accept to protect others privacy. If it only regards me I will spill it without reservation even if “it” frames me poorly.
However as for the explicit nature of the story. That is born from the fact that those events are never out of my mind. They are always present like I would imagine a parent always has their child present in their mind. It colors every thought or discussion. In this case the question of why I chose Christianity it was completely relevant so I uttered it willingly and without reservation. The narrative was the reason and first cause leading to the result. There are some memories which we index as needed and others which are always at the top of the rolodex of our minds. My memories of those events are as clear now as they were the day after they occurred. They never left my mind, they hold I suspect permanent residence there. I would advise sensitive people to never join a military, because the sensitive mind holds those things for a very very long time.
As for catharsis. Psychology claims that doesn’t work. I used to believe they were wrong. But this is not the first time I have disclosed those memories, not even the fifth. Each time I cry, and rage, and despair all over again. Each time I think it probably helps to get it out. And each time it doesn’t. It feels like it is helping, but a day or two later nothing changed. So maybe my instructors were right in claiming catharsis is rubbish, which is the current stance in psychology. A phenomena that feels like it is doing something but ultimately doesn’t yield results. If anything I tell my story in this case hoping someone may look at the bible (or another faith) again if they too feel like humans are terrible and are in despair, and also as a warning that war really is hell and not to be eager to send young men to engage in it. I wanted to make it detailed enough to convey I am not coming from a place of teenaged angst or movie goer SJW rubbish. I make no claim that my experiances make me an expert in anything, but they are experiances most people are not at all privy to, and I think that has value.