Social media difficulty

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Above us only sky
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Social media difficulty

Post by Above us only sky »

I don't know whether this thread is absurd or not, if it is, please ignore this thread.

I sometimes experience a "social media difficulty", I do not know whether anyone else experience it or not. Let me explain: I 'm a quite introverted person, my greatest hobbies are reading, watching documentaries, jogging and playing computer games. (as you can see, these are all “lone wolf hobbies", that is, those hobbies are often done by a loner)

Many other people like using social media software to chat and get social, but I do not like social media, for example, when I chat with someone via a social media software, I often feel I 'm chatting with a robot, I do not feel I 'm chatting with a real person, because when I chat with someone via Facebook or something, I cannot see his or her body language and face, when he or she send me an "smile" emoji I do not "feel" that person is really smiling because I cannot see that person's face, but when I chat with a really person, I can see his face, I can feel his emotions and I even can feel his body warmth, so I find chatting with Facebook or WeChat so fake. But the thing is nowadays lots of people use those software to make friends. On the one hand, I wish I could make some friends via those social media software, but on the other hand, I do not like chatting with Facebook or WeChat or any other software.

Another example: There are some social media software like "Meetup" that allows individual users to design and launch their own social event, I want to use these software to launch a local philosophy chat club in a local park, but when I actually take action to use it I feel uncomfortable: firstly, I do not used to using those social media software, secondly as a lone wolf type of person it is not in my nature to design and organize a social event, I have no idea of how I can do it. I feel much comfortable of reading by myself or playing computer games by myself. So the result is I "try" take some action to create a social event via these software, but in reality I 'm just procrastinate by watching some unrelated documentaries...

Did you experience something similar? Can it be overcame? Thanks! :D
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LuckyR
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by LuckyR »

A few pieces of further info: do you feel differently using social media chatting with folks you actually know vs with strangers? What is your relative enjoyment level with chatting with folks face to face, given your description of mostly spending free time with lone wolf activities?
"As usual... it depends."
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Burning ghost
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Burning ghost »

I know what you mean. It helps if you have something of interest to exchange or some visual reference.

I don't really like chatting on social media either and it does feel "robotic". The more you try it the better you can adapt I guesd. Nevertheless, I would say it depends on who you are talking to. I rarely meet anyone on such apps that have anything to say that reflects their personality.

Just try and have fun with it. Say stupid and silly things and make the experience enjoyable. Eventually you'll "click" with someone that gives a sense of humanity to the interaction.
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TSBU
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by TSBU »

Above us only sky wrote:I don't know whether this thread is absurd or not, if it is, please ignore this thread.

I sometimes experience a "social media difficulty", I do not know whether anyone else experience it or not. Let me explain: I 'm a quite introverted person, my greatest hobbies are reading, watching documentaries, jogging and playing computer games. (as you can see, these are all “lone wolf hobbies", that is, those hobbies are often done by a loner)

Many other people like using social media software to chat and get social, but I do not like social media, for example, when I chat with someone via a social media software,
Hmm... if you are an introvert who preferto be alone, why do you expect to like in internet something that you don't like (not a lot at least) out of the computer?
Above us only sky wrote:I often feel I 'm chatting with a robot, I do not feel I 'm chatting with a real person, because when I chat with someone via Facebook or something, I cannot see his or her body language and face, when he or she send me an "smile" emoji I do not "feel" that person is really smiling because I cannot see that person's face, but when I chat with a really person, I can see his face, I can feel his emotions and I even can feel his body warmth, so I find chatting with Facebook or WeChat so fake. But the thing is nowadays lots of people use those software to make friends. On the one hand, I wish I could make some friends via those social media software, but on the other hand, I do not like chatting with Facebook or WeChat or any other software.
I feel the same out of internet XD. I'd say more, I tend to feel it more out of internet, in internet people is less afraid to say what they think (if they are strangers). You may feel "they are robots" because they are easy to predict, because they do things they got used to do, but that things don't make sense for you, or because you don't give them many thinking in your head cause they don't deserve your interest in your opinion.
I think you should separate between people to talk, and friends for real life. No matter how good they talk, if you are looking for something more (Feel warm bodies, etc), you won't get satisfied in internet. If you want to use it to know people for real life, just say "do you want to take a beer?" after a short period of time, or... whatever, you probably won't like to be in extrovertland, but I think is better to do that at the begining (you can't know a person in internet and say "ey, why don't you come to my house and we play videogames?", it can be dangerous). Also, "real deep friends" are something strange. Most of "friends" for everybody, are... people to go for a drink from time to time.
Above us only sky wrote:Another example: There are some social media software like "Meetup" that allows individual users to design and launch their own social event, I want to use these software to launch a local philosophy chat club in a local park, but when I actually take action to use it I feel uncomfortable: firstly, I do not used to using those social media software, secondly as a lone wolf type of person it is not in my nature to design and organize a social event, I have no idea of how I can do it.
Do you want to be with a large number of people? More people is equal to less thinking. That's nearly a rule, long and hard to explain in English. But you seem to fear results, just give it a try. It's easy: Place, time, purpose, since you are looking for a complex thing, I think you should write a lot about what do you want to do in that place. (I don't know the app, but it's sure easy). Anyway... I don't think you'll get many people for that kind of thing, and... internet is internet, you can be talking with very strange people, don't forget that.
Above us only sky wrote:I feel much comfortable of reading by myself or playing computer games by myself. So the result is I "try" take some action to create a social event via these software, but in reality I 'm just procrastinate by watching some unrelated documentaries...

And you seem to be evading something writing here, in my eyes, and I said "seem". Why don't you write in facebook or sites you like (maybe this site is not appropiate because the probability of someone from the same place is remote) to go for a beer? (or whatever, if you don't know what, just say that you want to meet people, and let them choose where).
Above us only sky wrote:Did you experience something similar? Can it be overcame? Thanks! :D
Similar. Not equal. And I can't know you and how you feel, I just see that words, they rememind what I know about other people and not you, and what I thought would have helped that people.
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Present awareness
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Present awareness »

Whether we like it or not, humans are social animals and need human contact. Typing words on a screen or reading words on a screen is not human contact. There is nothing wrong with enjoying solitude, but one must still go out into the world to buy food, work, drive a car or take public transportation and interact with other people, even if only on a non-personal level.

If a person is extremely shy or has certain phobias which inhibit normal social interaction with others, I don't feel that social media will fill that void in a person's life. Hobbies like reading, painting, music, watching TV, jogging or other exercise will help to fulfill ones need for fitness and entertainment, but there is no substitute for a real flesh and blood friend to talk to.
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TSBU
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by TSBU »

Present awareness wrote:Whether we like it or not, humans are social animals and need human contact. Typing words on a screen or reading words on a screen is not human contact. There is nothing wrong with enjoying solitude, but one must still go out into the world to buy food, work, drive a car or take public transportation and interact with other people, even if only on a non-personal level.

If a person is extremely shy or has certain phobias which inhibit normal social interaction with others, I don't feel that social media will fill that void in a person's life. Hobbies like reading, painting, music, watching TV, jogging or other exercise will help to fulfill ones need for fitness and entertainment, but there is no substitute for a real flesh and blood friend to talk to.
I don't like this kind of posts. Do you know all humans? I know a man. He is a farmer (something like that), he lives in a mountain, (there are wolfs, and bears, and sometimes fire destroy a lot of things... he has to work hard every day). He goes to town once a month, and he talks with vets when they go to check the cows, bees, etc. Or when he need something, like repair a machine. But he usually don't see a human being in weeks. He has no friends, he has no partner. He is intelligent and... I don't know how to express it in English, but he has a "clean" mind, at least that's what he seems more than common people: He is not depressive, he is not nervous, he talks using his head and he is happy with his life and work. (He doesn't watch TV either), I rarely see a man with his feelings, he is very honest, and sometimes people say him "why don't you get to the city?" or things like that. He smiles, and decline, he doesn't want to go, and he can exmplain deep why, he is not "shy" or something like that. Sometimes he has offered me to be there, and work... but that's not because of having a person to talk, that's because he has a lot of work to do, and he truly believe that being there and living like that is "good for your soul" (He is not religious by the way).

He has no problems interacting with people, but I think he wouldn't have problems if he see no human in a long long time, using internet to buy things. He doesn't look for human interaction, he looks for the result of other people work. I've never asked him about sex or things like that, but as I said, he shows no signs of being frustrated in anything. He is not ugly at all for sommon standards, I don't know if he do something sometimes when he goes to the town, but, well, id that's all you call "being social"... that can be solved when he goes to town, and I think we are not all equal for that.

By the way, people in internet are real people too.

I see him sometimes in holiday when I go to town (5 years was the last time), but only for a little period of time, cause he is always working. Most of his food is produced by himself (he buy something when he goes to the town though, but he does it to eat something different mostly).
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Present awareness
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Present awareness »

No TSBU, I don't know all humans, but I can observe human nature in those I do know. There are exception to every rule of course, and what I'm saying is not fact, just my own personal philosophy. Some people enjoy chat rooms and others don't, different strokes for different folks.
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TSBU
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by TSBU »

Present awareness wrote:No TSBU, I don't know all humans, but I can observe human nature in those I do know. There are exception to every rule of course, and what I'm saying is not fact, just my own personal philosophy. Some people enjoy chat rooms and others don't, different strokes for different folks.
Then it's ok, I didn't like the "Whether we like it or not, humans are social animals and need human contact", you know just a low percentage of people (and evidently, those who don't want to interact with others, are more difficult to see) and you know an even low percentage of people "deep" enough to talk about their nature.
Homosexuality is a good example, many people in some times have believed that "homosexuality is not human nature". Black people were not considered humans with soul not so long time ago. Women? their nature is to be in the kitchen... well, we don't need human contact to be humans, and we don't need it to be happy either. The percentage of homosexual people, of no social people, etc, are bigger enough to say that it isn't "an exception for a rule". If you set up common rules, there would be... what, a 30% of people who fit in all of them?

But if you think that we are diferent it's ok :)
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Above us only sky
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Above us only sky »

LuckyR wrote:A few pieces of further info: do you feel differently using social media chatting with folks you actually know vs with strangers? What is your relative enjoyment level with chatting with folks face to face, given your description of mostly spending free time with lone wolf activities?
Thanks, luckyR, the first question: yes, I feel differently when chatting online comparing with chatting with people offline.

The second question: my enjoyment level of chatting with folks face to face is low, so I don't chat with people face to face very often, but it also makes me feel lonely very often, so it is a dilemma.
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Nicolas
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Nicolas »

- Social media -
Human social relations have always been mediated. Unmediated social behavior is usually called aggression, violence or sexuality.

In premodern times, culture, etiquette and religion provided a strong medium for giving shape to the social - for example during traditional feasts.
Today it looks as though it is only harsh technology mediating between people for shaping the social.

The sacramental object of social conduct between and for people, is destroyed by artificial social technology.
I think this is a very dehumanizing problem in the hyper-modern times you and I find one another in.
And as a highly sensitive person and loner myself, I recognize myself in your experience and observation.

The difficulty comes from the inorganic artificiality of the mediation. ( technology )
Whereas in simpler times, you had a common tradition to fall back on.

The difficulty of social media also comes from the modern misconception that relationships are subjective instead of objective.
What I mean by this is that in this 'hyper-network era' we think that we choose our network and our friend ourselves and that the relationship with the other person is subjective.

The ancient idea of social relations ( unmediated by technology but instead mediated by tradition ) is that they exist objectively. For example: Mother, Father, Brother, Chief, Husband, Wife, Enemy etc. The objective word defines the relationship in an eternal fashion, whereas we modern technocrats like to change meaning of relationships by how we feel and choose for ourselves by our own will and networking goals. 'I feel like socializing.'

If social relations are objective, it is obligatory to honer them 'cause they are clear [ therefore less tech. mediation is needed ]
If social relations are subjective. you have the right to socialize how and when you please. [ therefore much tech. mediation is needed ]

conclusion: modern technology and subjectivity make everything difficult.
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by LuckyR »

Above us only sky wrote:
LuckyR wrote:A few pieces of further info: do you feel differently using social media chatting with folks you actually know vs with strangers? What is your relative enjoyment level with chatting with folks face to face, given your description of mostly spending free time with lone wolf activities?
Thanks, luckyR, the first question: yes, I feel differently when chatting online comparing with chatting with people offline.

The second question: my enjoyment level of chatting with folks face to face is low, so I don't chat with people face to face very often, but it also makes me feel lonely very often, so it is a dilemma.
Thanks for the info. One last thing, my first question was not comparing chatting online vs offline, rather chatting online with strangers vs folks you know.

Anyway, in the interim, you like being with folks face to face (since online conversations remind you of robots since you are lacking the nonverbal communication). Great, since you don't do that a lot, it seems like the role of online communication should be to set up real (face to face) interactions. Your preferences aren't all that uncommon, lots of folks use social media to set up real life interactions/hookups.
"As usual... it depends."
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Burning ghost
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Burning ghost »

It sounds to me like you are confused between knowing whether you want to interact with other people or whether you should/need to interact more.

Maybe you should think of it as a challenge and actively force yourself to socialise more? After a set period make a self analysis of what knowledge you've gained about yourself and others in this challenge and decide from there whether or nor to continue.

Everyone feels lonely. Many people cover this up and often those that seem social are the most lonely people there are because they avoid addressing "alone" time. In this respect you have the upper (psychological) hand over yourself! Haha.

Failing all that just do more activities and by happenstance you'll come into theborbit of others and create relationships. I don't know your interests and there are probably things you've never done you might like ... just explore and live.

I am actually thinking about cycling across asia for the sheer hell of it! Haha
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Above us only sky
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Above us only sky »

LuckyR wrote:
Thanks for the info. One last thing, my first question was not comparing chatting online vs offline, rather chatting online with strangers vs folks you know.
Thanks, my friend. Sorry for my wrong answer. My answer to the first question is that I do feel differently when I chat with friend’s vs strangers; But this difference will be diminished much when the chatting change from face to face to online.

For example: I have a friend, I visit his home and then we go to a park, during the walk in the park we will chat happily, but if I just saw him online we will not chat much at all because to me chatting with him via skype became a work that I have to do.

Many of my friends like to update their status in Facebook very often, but I never do it, because I feel I do not have anything important to update and I do not want others to know my life too much.To them I ‘m a little bit strange.
(I do not trust others very much, I found myself always trying building walls around me so others will not see my heart naked. I'm now trying to overcome this).
LuckyR wrote: Anyway, in the interim, you like being with folks face to face (since online conversations remind you of robots since you are lacking the nonverbal communication). Great, since you don't do that a lot, it seems like the role of online communication should be to set up real (face to face) interactions. Your preferences aren't all that uncommon, lots of folks use social media to set up real life interactions/hookups.
Thanks, LuckyR, After all I 'm not that different from others.
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by Empiricist-Bruno »

Above us,

in my opinion, machines are first and foremost drugs. So when I hear about someone trying to get his/her social fix from machines, I can't help but laugh.

And when you say this fix seems to leave you unsatisfied, I laugh again, harder this time.

We seem to be willing to consider the illusion of communication as communication; I wonder who it is we are trying to fool this way.

To me, the big question is how come we seem to have no way of explaining the apparent benefits we get from using the drug other than by declaring the drug to be a means of communication?

When you answer the phone, is it because it was calling you? If it wasn't, who/what did you answer?

Some people who exploit the drug for profit have a vested interest in the continued perception of the drug as a means to communicate but some of us realize that there seems to be a slight but definite problem here.

If the machine is not a means to communicate, then what is it? From my experience, it is very revolutionary to just start to try and ponder this particular question. So, let's not do that, for fear of being too philosophical, okay?

We know how the world works and so let's not consider new possibilities for fear of having to change. Let's keep the non-sens going as we are familiar with it. Let's find our way around the cancer rather than to confront it.

Thanks so much for the post!

Luddite
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LuckyR
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Re: Social media difficulty

Post by LuckyR »

Above us only sky wrote:
LuckyR wrote:
Thanks for the info. One last thing, my first question was not comparing chatting online vs offline, rather chatting online with strangers vs folks you know.
Thanks, my friend. Sorry for my wrong answer. My answer to the first question is that I do feel differently when I chat with friend’s vs strangers; But this difference will be diminished much when the chatting change from face to face to online.

For example: I have a friend, I visit his home and then we go to a park, during the walk in the park we will chat happily, but if I just saw him online we will not chat much at all because to me chatting with him via skype became a work that I have to do.

Many of my friends like to update their status in Facebook very often, but I never do it, because I feel I do not have anything important to update and I do not want others to know my life too much.To them I ‘m a little bit strange.
(I do not trust others very much, I found myself always trying building walls around me so others will not see my heart naked. I'm now trying to overcome this).
LuckyR wrote: Anyway, in the interim, you like being with folks face to face (since online conversations remind you of robots since you are lacking the nonverbal communication). Great, since you don't do that a lot, it seems like the role of online communication should be to set up real (face to face) interactions. Your preferences aren't all that uncommon, lots of folks use social media to set up real life interactions/hookups.
Thanks, LuckyR, After all I 'm not that different from others.
Based on your answers it sounds like you prefer face to face with friends even though some of your friends put more energy into social media. On that note, I would categorize your friends who obsess about updating their Facebook status as being more into themselves, rather than into their online friends. Your preference is a bit old school but probably the most common one worldwide. In other words you are not atypical.

Use social media to set up the real interactions you (and most folks) prefer. BTW by limiting your digital presence you preserve more anonymity and deniability, if you find those things important (it is notoriously unimportant nowadays, BTW)
"As usual... it depends."
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