Age Disparity In Relationships: Does Love Have Restrictions?

[Blacksad]

Hello all, I am a long time lurker, first time poster.

We've all heard the saying "Love is blind". While not many people openly disagree with this saying, age disparity in a relationship seems to be a hot topic amongst people. The social "rule" for age differences in a relationship is half your age plus seven years. Is it fair of us to place age restrictions, or for that matter, any restrictions upon love?

Western culture has placed a taboo upon older men lusting after younger women, yet on the other hand embraces older women sexually pursuing younger men. Older women who pursue younger men are labeled as "cougars" and considered socially acceptable while older men who pursue younger women are labeled as perverts or pedophiles and ostracized by others. Why the double standard?

I believe that society has become too strict in its definition of pedophilia. Yes, I think it is safe to assume that a 5 year old girl would be ignorant to the serious nature of sexual intercourse and lack the sufficient knowledge to make any form of decision relating to coitus. Can we really say the same for a 14 or 15 year old girl? At this age, most human beings have sexually experimented in some form, be it masturbation or with another person. Why is 18 the "magic number" regarding consensual sex? I know many sexually responsible teenagers, and I also know many more sexually irresponsible adults.

I guess my moral query is, can we as a society really place an age restriction upon something as uncontrollable as love?

[ape]

[Homicidal Pacifist]

I started seeing my girlfriend of 2 years when I was 26. She was 17. I was robbin' the cradle and she was robbin' the grave. It was she who pursued me. I hesitated for a month or two because of the 9 year difference and because I was her boss (naughty!) but I finally gave in.

We are very happy together.

There's got to be some kind of restriction because otherwise, 30 year old dudes would doing some messed up stuff to 10 year olds. The Line might need to vary depending on the people and the circumstances, and penalties may not need to be overly severe when it is consentual and the youngin is at least has the legal right to drive a car. Driving is as serious a situation as f*cking and entails as much responsibility, caution, and understanding.
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"If Ignorance Is Bliss, Then Knock The Smile Off My Face!"

- Rage Against The Machine

[Scott]

I also think the age of consent is too high in most places.

The issue of adults having sex with children is very different than the issue of wrinkly old people having sex with significantly younger adults. Firstly, almost nobody wants the latter to be illegal while almost everybody wants the former to be illegal--even though may disagree slightly on where to draw the line between child and the age of consent.

I assume people feel negatively about a 65-year-old having a sexual relationship with a 25-year-old for the many of the same reasons they would feel negatively about a super hot person being in a sexual relationship with an ugly, morbidly obese person of the same age. It could be jealousy. It could be the belief that one of the people is taking advantage of the other. For instance, is it gold-digging, implicit prostitution, abusive, career-driven or what?

While statutory rape and that which is close to it is commonly viewed as a problem with male perpetrators, I have not noticed a significant difference in people's opinions about an elderly man and a younger adult being together as opposed to an elderly woman and a younger adult. Is there any evidence to support the claim to the contrary such as a scientific poll?
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[Alun]

Welcome to the forum Blacksad,

I think it is fair to mandate restrictions on love based on what love actually is. Love is a deliberate affection; in order for people to have a loving relationship, those individuals need to choose to enter it. Making an informed choice can require at least some experience; in the case of love, as a society we find that quite a bit of life experience is necessary to guard against a non-consensual, and thus non-loving, relationship.

So, as has been said, there's definitely a restriction in age somewhere. However, mandates by society are, imo, generalizations on the side of caution. We are willing to make all 16 year olds (in Texas) wait until their next birthday, since we think at least a statistically significant portion of them aren't ready--that doesn't mean they're magically matured at 17, just that on average the majority of people will be ready to choose for themselves by then.

I think what you're really asking, though, is not about pedophilia or teenage lust, but about age disparity among people who are unquestionably adults. Should a 24 year-old woman be allowed to see a 58 year-old man? Well, I think it should be allowed. However, I think there's also some wisdom behind the stereotype against age differences. People in a committed relationship grow together--but age is a huge determinant of life experiences, so it's hard to imagine that an older person will be affected by circumstances the way a younger person might.

However, both parties are fully capable of figuring out whether they fall under this generalization; I honestly believe that, for some people, even a substantial age disparity is more desirable, healthy, and fulfilling than age equality. I just doubt this is the case for most people.
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"I have nothing new to teach the world" -Mohandas "Mahatma" Gandhi

[athena]

At least two female teachers have been persecuted for having sex with under age male students. For sure one went to prison for a few years. If someone is persecuted for having sex with a minor, depends to some degree on the minor's parents. If the parents do not object, it is unlikely the law will take action, unless the minor is very young. It is not saver for the female than it is for the male, to have sex with minors, and when it comes to older women having affairs with younger men, I would not say society looks on this well.

In the past, we married 14 year old girls off to older men. This serves a practical purpose, considering how unruly a 14 year old girl can get, and the cost of providing for her, especially if she has a baby out of wed lock. It is best to marry off the girls when they are old enough to get pregnant.

[Homicidal Pacifist]

The older can potentially guide the younger and the younger can potentially revitalize the older.
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"If Ignorance Is Bliss, Then Knock The Smile Off My Face!"

- Rage Against The Machine

[Keith Russell]

Anyone who is bothered by the idea of being with someone much older, or much younger (at least in the USA) is free to date someone close to their own age.

(The keyword is "free"...)

[Isidorus]

There is a minor degree of sarcasm lurking in you statement, somewhere, Keith!

[Keith Russell]

[athena]

[Scott]

[athena]

Wow, Scott that was really analytical and good. Another thread about love and sex is also forcing this deeper thinking about our feelings and actions.

On occasion, a person's personality can be more impressive than a person's physical appearance, and then the physical barriers to love and sexual attraction can be bridged. I can remember being attracted to a very ugly man. His face was so ugly, I deliberately restricted my vision of him to his eyes.
Like the Beauty and Beast story, the skin condition that made him so ugly could be cured, and he became more appealing to the eye, but before this happened I had begun bonding with him, because of the eye contact, and his inned qualities.

I think to a large degree, our attraction to another rest on our personal fantasies. That is why I expressed concern when you wrote

[celebritydiscodave]

I agree with the quote, but it could be added perhaps that, society wouldn`t require any physical come ageing data on the seventy year old, only time since birth!-We are programmed to be ageist. My definition of disgusting in sex(/most disgusting?) would be to engage in it with a partner which isn`t fancied, and after that by degree. In reality how else could it be considered disgusting(?), though you might well stop fancying someone in the process. The term inappropriate was surely never ment to be applied as a form of disgusting, and the two should actually be thought of as being separate terms?
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My main social contention is over the degree of age discrimination/programming that there is of younger adults over not specifically age, but rather...