The philosophy of Tormented Love

Blog – Tormented Love

I hear famous people talk in television program discussing their married lives and telling the host how unhappy they are. You would think that with all the millions these folks have and their fame which attracts so many fans, they would be able to find enough amount of happiness in their lives.
But, again I have to say, “You will lose your battle against Nature all the time and always.”
These folks have fame and wealth and yet they can’t find happiness. Hearing their commentaries I can see they are trying to find love, occasionally pretending to have found it only to discover a few months later that they had made a mistake.
Yes, we can classify this scenario as ‘Tormented Love’. They have wealth and fame and their emotions are starving for love, pure and healthy love.
That scenario is almost similar to Chinese torture, in which the prisoner is told that he is free and as he gets to the door which separates him from his freedom, he is told to go back to his cell.
These famous people have everything anybody may want except love, but because of their fame and their wealth they think love will come to them automatically, as they buy the love for a period of time they end up realizing they ultimately come back to square one.
Nobody have told them that love can’t be bought or pretended, that is why the emotion that they experience and they think it is love, it turns into a ‘sour love’ or ‘tormented love.’
Do you begin to get the idea of how important is to find the right partner?
Do you realize that true love is a natural emotion which can’t be altered by money or wishful thinking?
Are you in agreement that without your Soulmate you will be pleasant at best with your chosen partner?
Please leave your comments.

Vincent Sylvan

For sure "true love" as you call it is a natural emotion and cannot be altered by money or wishful thinking - people are attracted primarily to those with whom they are most sexually compatible with, those with whom the best offspring with the most desired characteristics - this the biggest contributing factor to "love", if you can call it that, we are, after all, primitive creatures, it is the right pheromones and natural things about people which create "true love", with the input also of intellectual grounds of course too.
I'm not sure if I agree that there is necessarily a "soulmate" as such, perhaps just people whom sexually you are more attracted to and more compatible too - love is primarily physical attraction with a person, that's the main attraction - there is some psychological attraction but not that much, I think that is far over-thought and is fundamentally wrong, how can it make sense after scientific studies have been produced that show how people are attracted to each other.
It's not important to find the right partner, it's not vital to have a partner generally - you can thirst for knowledge instead.

I hear famous people talk in television program discussing their married lives and telling the host how unhappy they are.

Perhaps this says more about marriage, than "love"?

You would think that with all the millions these folks have and their fame which attracts so many fans, they would be able to find enough amount of happiness in their lives.

Does happiness really equate to fame/fortune?

But, again I have to say, “You will lose your battle against Nature all the time and always.”
These folks have fame and wealth and yet they can’t find happiness. Hearing their commentaries I can see they are trying to find love, occasionally pretending to have found it only to discover a few months later that they had made a mistake.

Can you believe anything these celebs say when sometimes their marriages are made just to make news & money?

Do you begin to get the idea of how important is to find the right partner?

Is it important? Perhaps you'd do better to cultivate friendships?

Do you realize that true love is a natural emotion which can’t be altered by money or wishful thinking?

Love is not an emotion like disgust. "Love" is a cultural concept that means many different things. Emotions like disgust are universal.

Hi all.

True love is being bandied about with no description.
What is true love? How can we define tormented love if we don't have a clue what love, true or just ordinary is?
Is it possible to love someone else if we do not love ourselves?

I would suggest that before we can love someone else we first have to learn to love ourselves, in a healthy honest way, not in a narcissistic way.
But before we can learn to love ourselves, we have to know ourselves, take a honest inventory of the good and the bad and come to terms with who we are, so we know our strengths and weaknesses, and learn to love what we are.
How else can we truly love someone else for all the right reasons?
So many relationships fail because of dependencies, expectations which the partner can never satisfy, because the one is trying to live vicariously through the other.
In a healthy relationship there is no dependency, only interdependency, no unhealthy attachment but freedom to be individuals within the partnership.
The one does not possess the other nor control the other.

Tormented love is the result of possessiveness and unhealthy attachments

That is enough for now, so look it over and load your guns.

Regards, John.

WS, you said it all here....!

I like the idea of "love". I don't think love exists at all. Just like life, it's an idea that creates an excitement and euphoria amongst ourselves.

It might be the case that true love is a combination of the right physical traits, pheromones, etc, however I think the psychological state of the person in love should be more of a focus. The kind of love described here, a desperate clinging love, is the kind which one tends to have when they need distractions in life. This kind of love turns into an all consuming distraction, like a black hole. It is purely narcissistic, yes, as it is felt totally within the person, and yet, the focus of the feelings are purely towards another person. But of course the wishes are towards possession, usually an impossible situation, which makes it all the more painful.

To say that love does not exist is, well, wrong. We have feelings which we label love, and they are undeniably real, even if they have a true cause which has nothing to do with us being meant to be together. The feelings, which are prodominantly what love is, are real. What is interesting, is if no one else is aware of those feelings, the love may as well not exist. Therefore in order for those feelings to become more than just feelings, they need to be combined with some form of action, which signifies those feelings.

True love is obviously only so if the sentiments are returned in kind, genuinely. If love is healthy, as was described here, it results in trust, support, and nourishment. On the other hand, the possessive kind might result in mistrust, emotional blackmail, pain and stress, and eventually it will collapse.

Love has to have some level of torment involved in order for it to be real. Loving another means sacrificing certain pleasures, time and energy into making the other person, such as a wife or child, happy.
Love can be looked at simply as being a physiological connection to another being, similar to how baby animals imprint to their parents. However, what i notice is that animals are more accepting of the fact that their young and even mates are subject to the laws of nature. Should they die there is no mourning, there is simply another day.

I would suggest that before we can love someone else we first have to learn to love ourselves, in a healthy honest way, not in a narcissistic way.

How does one learn to love themselves?

There is a dynamic relation between loving yourself and loving others: In order to love yourself, love others and in order to love others love yourself. But of course, every individual person is different and some people tend to be narcissistic and manipulative. It is a matter of exercising caution when choosing who to closely interact with.

Hi Walker, you wrote:
How does one learn to love themselves?

Yes, that is the difficult question.
Well it starts with an honest self evaluation, noting all the strengths and weaknesses, and coming to terms with the person you discover yourself to be.
Without this self discovery you really do not know what to correct or take advantage of.
Next comes accepting yourself for who and what you are, and through acceptance, liking yourself.
After this comes trying to control the ego, so that you are not driven by it, and try to get rid of dependencies, and the need of the approval of others.

This is not a 10 minute project and might need a few years of work, but it is the key to living a good life!


Regards, John.

''Tormented love''. It's a failure to accept a changing individual. My prof once said, "You can never totally know your partner/someone''. We have the most varied & bizarre notions of what makes us happy. Thus, humans are constantly changing.

Please keep the track and say about the Tormented love. Please do not say anything about love. I could also say many things about love but finding difficulty about saying anything about Tormented love. Please give me idea by saying something about Tormented love sincerely. Why are you wandering here and there?

About the Tormented love i think it is possible where there is social evil exist which doesn't let the lovers to live together or meet forever and where there is numerous criteria are led to join your desired partner.