Self interest or concern for another?

Use this philosophy forum to discuss and debate general philosophy topics that don't fit into one of the other categories.

This forum is NOT for factual, informational or scientific questions about philosophy (e.g. "What year was Socrates born?"); such homework-help-style questions can be asked and answered on PhiloPedia: The Philosophy Wiki. If your question is not already answered on the appropriate PhiloPedia page, then see How to Request Content on PhiloPedia to see how to ask your informational question using the wiki.
Post Reply
User avatar
Sleepdumb
New Trial Member
Posts: 1
Joined: May 26th, 2020, 3:25 pm

Self interest or concern for another?

Post by Sleepdumb » May 26th, 2020, 3:39 pm

Hi I guess, New to the forum,
I just wanted to ask you guys (although I imagine somewhat redundant as you must have all been through something similar) whether you've had to deal with loss of intellectual respect for someone, for context it's only just happened to me with a person I had a huge amount of respect for previously although through 'deeper' conversation have found out that they have put up certain certain barriers which impede on criticism and open discussion. It's a new feeling to me and it actually hurts quite significantly. Is this a case of my ego/unaceptence shining through or is there any legitimacy to this? It's an open ended question so I welcome criticism, I want to learn and not become stuck in a rut of self flagilation ( also struggle with spelling so I apologise in advance )

I appreciate your time and attention.

S

User avatar
Marvin_Edwards
Posts: 530
Joined: April 14th, 2020, 9:34 pm
Favorite Philosopher: William James
Contact:

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by Marvin_Edwards » May 26th, 2020, 6:49 pm

Everyone is different, but they all go through their ups and downs. But it sounds like you are uncertain whether it is you or them. Maybe its both. Don't be so tough on yourself, or them.

User avatar
Terrapin Station
Posts: 3453
Joined: August 23rd, 2016, 3:00 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Bertrand Russell and WVO Quine
Location: NYC Man

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by Terrapin Station » May 27th, 2020, 10:16 am

It's hard to comment on your dilemma without more specific details, but in general, it's important to keep psychological factors in mind--reasons the person might be leaning towards stances and dispositions that serve as a psychological defense against things that are troubling them, recent tragedies or other issues, etc. That is a more empathetic approach to take.

User avatar
h_k_s
Posts: 1138
Joined: November 25th, 2018, 12:09 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Aristotle
Location: Rocky Mountains

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by h_k_s » May 27th, 2020, 1:58 pm

Sleepdumb wrote:
May 26th, 2020, 3:39 pm
Hi I guess, New to the forum,
I just wanted to ask you guys (although I imagine somewhat redundant as you must have all been through something similar) whether you've had to deal with loss of intellectual respect for someone, for context it's only just happened to me with a person I had a huge amount of respect for previously although through 'deeper' conversation have found out that they have put up certain certain barriers which impede on criticism and open discussion. It's a new feeling to me and it actually hurts quite significantly. Is this a case of my ego/unaceptence shining through or is there any legitimacy to this? It's an open ended question so I welcome criticism, I want to learn and not become stuck in a rut of self flagilation ( also struggle with spelling so I apologise in advance )

I appreciate your time and attention.

S
Lots of people do something like that. You just have to get used to it. It is a defense mechanism.

They are NOT good philosophers then. Oh well.

User avatar
Jing or Jang
Posts: 41
Joined: May 16th, 2020, 7:08 am

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by Jing or Jang » May 28th, 2020, 2:07 pm

Everywhere that pride, religion, national patriotism are found .... earnestness goes out the window.

Alias
Posts: 2825
Joined: November 26th, 2011, 8:10 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Terry Pratchett

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by Alias » May 31st, 2020, 12:36 am

Sleepdumb wrote:
May 26th, 2020, 3:39 pm
whether you've had to deal with loss of intellectual respect for someone,
Yes, several times. Some people turn out to be less intelligent than they first appear. Some people have beliefs and attitudes that are either impervious to reason or counter to my own convictions, which are not necessarily expressed on early acquaintance. Sometimes people change their views over time and can no longer communicate well.
People are complicated. They don't all think the same way.
... I had a huge amount of respect for previously although through 'deeper' conversation have found out that they have put up certain certain barriers which impede on criticism and open discussion.
Everyone puts up barriers to criticism. You do it yourself; can't help doing it.
Criticism and discussion are two separate things: discussion is of some subject outside of self; criticism is personal. We can be objective about about a whole lot of subjects - not all! - but we can never be objective about self.
Is this a case of my ego/unaceptence shining through or is there any legitimacy to this?
Your ego is not exactly shining at the moment. However: all feelings are legitimate.
You feel what you feel for reasons - not one, but several. You need to figure out
- what part you expectations played in the way you feel now,
- whether those expectations were justified by the other person's words or actions;
- whether the other person had reason to feel defensive; if so
- what part your own words or actions had in causing that feeling;
- how you would react in their place;
- whether you wish you had done or said something differently
and finally
- whether the relationship is viable.

User avatar
Angel Trismegistus
Posts: 28
Joined: July 25th, 2020, 1:19 pm
Favorite Philosopher: William James
Location: New York City

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by Angel Trismegistus » August 1st, 2020, 2:36 am

The "fallen idol" is a recurring theme in the drama of life. The sooner one learns that, the better.

evolution
Posts: 426
Joined: April 19th, 2020, 6:20 am

Re: Self interest or concern for another?

Post by evolution » August 1st, 2020, 9:47 pm

I prefer to look at 'what am I doing wrong' instead of looking at the "other".

Are you 100% sure that it is not you that has a certain barrier or barriers, which impedes the discussion?

Also, the main barriers to any discussion are just already held beliefs and/or assumptions about what is true, right, and/or correct. If either of you have any of these, then there is the barrier/s. Most people I know have these barriers themselves but they do not recognize them as easily and as quickly in 'them 'selves' as they do in "others".

Post Reply