(1) That was why I said everybody is selfish but, with difference in what drives one.
(2) I agree with what you said but, isn't it negligence if we continue procreating so they could come and join us in trying to solve suffering, despite you and I know it is something that won't go away?
(3)The inception of our intentions that turn out to be actions are our own decisions
Lets take point (1).
I am driven by my selfishness, this is very true. And my selfishness is not same as your selfishness (or) it can be same as your selfishness (or) we have some common selfishness (or) majority of our selfishness are common (or) Majority of our selfishness are different. Simply put the proportion of our selfishness varies between 0% and 100%.
If I extrapolate this to include a third person and a family and a group and a society etc etc the proportion of my selfishness to that of the society as a whole shall vary between 0% and 100%.
If every individual in a society has the least proportion of selfishness to that of the society then that society will break away. And if every individual in a society has the most proportion of selfishness to that of the society then that society shall remain strong.
Invariably most of the individual in a society have majority of their selfishness in line with that of the society and hence most of their actions will be in line with the society. And of course there are individuals in society whose selfishness differ from that of the society but still stay within the society and may either create problem for the society or remain submissive. The trouble makers are branded as the bad elements while the submissive largely remain unknown. Likewise, any individual whose selfishness is 100% in line with that of the society shall either try to lead or remain passive and those who try to lead shall become the "group heads" and shall have a greater influence on other members of the society.
Now to answer your question, in the first place we need to assess how many in our society have the selfishness to have kids. Invariably majority of them want to have kids and hence the population is raising year after year.
Those who procreate can be subdivided into many classes but lets divide them into broadly two classes (1) Procreate after analyzing pros and cons of their action and its impact on their kids & (2) Do not break their heads like you and me but mostly follow the society. (We are ignoring those who decided not to procreate)
If you analyze those who are in the process of procreating they are not overtly concerned about the future of their kids but they do have a positive plan for their kids. Positive because they have an attitude that they can give a better life to their kids then what they themselves have. (If they were to feel that this world is not worth living, based on their experience, they will not even think of procreating but the very fact that they are procreating is a proof that they feel that the world is worth living)
If you ask those who had procreated few years back, majority of them will still have a positive outlook though they may be struggling now. (Even if we assume that some of them are living a miserable life post having kids, the very fact that they are working so hard and hoping to have a better life is a fact that the world is worth living. In case they do not have any hope of a better future they will cease working hard but we only see majority of them working hard which itself is a proof that they are indeed having a hope of a better future)
If you ask those who had procreated a long time back and their children are on their own, still majority of them will not regret their decision to have kids even if their children and they themselves are suffering. (Even if they and their grown up children are leading a miserable life.... their very livelihood is a proof that they do not want wish to die because their suffering is not as unbearable for them to quit living.)
So the answer to your question is: Those who do not want to have kids may (1) Not worry about the actions of others who have kids and hence will not take a stand whether to have kids as right or wrong & (2) Worry about others and the kids and carry a view that to have kids is wrong.... because they feel that the kids will suffer if it were to be born.
It is enough to prove either of them as right or wrong, since the second group is worried we are trying to analyze and see if we can alleviate their worries by proving to them that their worries are misplaced. If they happen to be right then it is for the better of the society to stop procreating.
Now we need to understand whether those who belong to the second group are right in their stand or not. We shall see...
Now lets take the point (2)
I agree with what you said but, isn't it negligence if we continue procreating so they could come and join us in trying to solve suffering..
The important question is "is my selfishness constant throughout my life?". The answer is Definitely NO.
Of course not all selfishness changes but most of them change. There are may be some core selfishness that die with us but even these change in their intensity from time to time.
Today I am an individual and do not want to have a life partner. There arises a question "will this selfishness remain constant till my death?". Today though I am firmly resolved in this, but what is the certainty that I will never marry? But if my intensity of my resolve remain strong then I will never marry however there is no certainty that this resolve shall remain strong till I die. This intensity may fluctuate and at times I may feel that there is nothing wrong in marrying and if suddenly the situation becomes so conducive for me to marry I may end up marrying!!
Till I get married I may keep resisting and avoid being negligent
but because of some unexpected happenings I end up marrying and the resistance to not marry become meaningless and all those thoughts and actions that were supporting my resolve fall apart.
Now few things may happen post marriage (1) I might end up feeling very bad for the decision because what I feared the most about the marriage I ended up falling into it (2) I may feel "How silly of me to assume so many wrong things about marriage but now I feel all those assumptions are incorrect because married life is not as bad as I thought it to be!!" & (3) I may end up becoming much more lively and energetic then I every was!!
Assume there are three persons, including me, who never wanted to marry and all of us ended up marrying. And assume each of us undergo any one of the above mentioned experiences. So two of us will be better off while one will feel miserable!!
This is what is happening in the society, that is, at least two third of the society is feeling better off having kids while may be one third feel it is wrong!!!
And of the remaining one third, lets not forget those who do not worry about others or do not greatly bother about the suffering of kids, are also part of that one third. So if you add up this group of the one third to the two third then then two third may go up to even three fourth!! To this we can also add those who never married, though married but could not procreate, married and divorced and never remarried, married but lose spouse but never remarry etc etc..... Obviously the two third will grow and may even become 80% or even 90% of the society!!!
So, how can I say having kids is negligence
when those who are having kids do not feel so? And there are billions who feel having kids, if not good definitely not bad!!
Most importantly, when I do not have any self experience how can I question the experience of parents who feel it is not wrong to have kids?? Even if we assume that only very few parents feel that having kids is not wrong, still how can i question them because they are experiencing it whereas I am only talking about it without any self experience??? (But in reality majority of the parents are NOT feeling wrong to have kids)
Now the question boils down to "If I have kids what is the probability that I may end up feeling bad?"
To that, the pertinent counter question is "How do I know whether having kid is like being negligent
without experiencing it when it can be really turn out to be good?". Of course some are feeling bad after having kids but most of them do not feel so!!
Just because I have a fear that I may end up feeling bad post having kids, how can I conclude having kids is wrong?
Now lets consider point (3)
The inception of our intentions that turn out to be actions are our own decisions
We can also state that "Not all the inceptions are our intentions TILL they become our actions"
We can also state that "Not all the inceptions are our actual intentions but still they may become our actions"
We can also state that "Allowing an inception itself is our action by default which happens because of our inaction as inaction itself is an action"
So we can also state that "We can choose whether to allow an inception or not"
So the inception of selfishness which later translates into our intention and later translates to action is within our control.
So We can state that "We also can act to remove any inception that is detrimental to our selflessness
If you remove all the inception of selfishness, whether it is our intention or not and whether we have acted on that or not, and allow the inception of selflessness
then the very conclusion of "having kids is wrong" becomes irrelevant because I will be filled only with selflessness
Once you are filled with selflessness
, the suffering you see will NOT vanish from your sight instead your perception about sufferings will change because you will NOT have any selfishness
. This can only be experienced and no amount of explanation will help.
So we have to start working towards removing the selfishness in us and put in its place selflessness
. It is not necessary that selflessness can be experienced only after removing all the selfishness. As you start adding selflessness you will be able to see a perceptible change your attitude and this very attitude will propel you forward.