Having Resentment Without Real Reason

WanderingGaze22 · Post by **WanderingGaze22** » January 24th, 2022, 4:03 am

Someone once told me they hate cats because they are allergic to them. When I asked why they would harbor such resentment towards a force and reaction to that force beyond their control, the reply was "It's always been that way." Can we as a people truly be able to find a way to abide what cannot always be avoided? How deep do personal feelings for anything get before they are no longer relevant in a life-threatening situation? keep in mind that in the 1998 film Madeline, the character Miss Clavel is allergic to dogs yet brings one into her car.

JackDaydream · Post by **JackDaydream** » January 24th, 2022, 12:23 pm

@Wandering Gaze

It may be that the problem is that people are not aware of the reason behind their resentment, like Socrates' idea of 'the unexamined life'. It may be partly due to being able to articulate the underlying nature of resentment and also about lack of psychological mindedness. This may be down to disposition or also about how one is guided to think in socialisation or education.

Also, resentment may be related to fear, which is deep seated. It may also be linked to the psychology of projection. A person may identify aspects which they cannot even recognize in themselves in another, and focus on the other with hostility and resentment, as a scapegoat.

WanderingGaze22 · Post by **WanderingGaze22** » January 25th, 2022, 3:30 am

JackDaydream wrote: ↑January 24th, 2022, 12:23 pm A person may identify aspects which they cannot even recognize in themselves in another, and focus on the other with hostility and resentment, as a scapegoat.

True, the one person we having the most trouble seeing clearly is often themselves. Still though, one would be able to see the rationality in why it is unproductive and stressing to let something like animal allergies get in the way of progressing in life to that extent.

JackDaydream · Post by **JackDaydream** » January 25th, 2022, 4:46 am

@Wandering Gaze

It is likely that there is so much that is irrational in life. With physical 'allergies' there is a physical basis and some people have severe reactions. But psychological phobias are illogical and can be incapacitating, such as when it becomes obsessive compulsive disorder. Cognitive behavioral techniques can offer some help but most people just have minor phobias.

I am actually afraid of dogs but that is because I got bitten by one as a child. So, it is not without reason and it may be that so much of the irrational has some underlying logic but it may have become lost and distorted, below the surface of conscious awareness.

EricPH · Post by **EricPH** » January 25th, 2022, 6:59 am

Fear can be overcome. I was bitten by a dog as a child. My fear lasted until someone said, when dogs are around, stand still and hold your hand down for them to sniff.
This has worked for the last fifty years, even though I have come to understand the nose and teeth live close together.
I have also come to understand, I would rather be bitten, then live in fear of being bitten. I am pleased I have not carried the fear of dogs for the last fifty years.

JackDaydream · Post by **JackDaydream** » January 25th, 2022, 7:47 am

@EricPH

You did well to overcome your fear of dogs. It probably depends on how important it is to overcome the fears, and on support. As it is, I don't really know that many people who have dogs and the fear is not on such a scale that I am terrified. I just don't particularly like dogs and I am not sure they like me. It could be asked to what extent do animals have fears too? Also, how does fear exist as an instinct beyond the scope of reason itself?

stevie · Post by **stevie** » January 25th, 2022, 8:17 am

WanderingGaze22 wrote: ↑January 24th, 2022, 4:03 am Someone once told me they hate cats because they are allergic to them. When I asked why they would harbor such resentment towards a force and reaction to that force beyond their control, the reply was "It's always been that way." Can we as a people truly be able to find a way to abide what cannot always be avoided?

It's natural to generate revulsion or aversion against what causes harm. Thus the cause of harm will be avoided and the harm is avoided. Why should one abide harm?

ernestm · Post by **ernestm** » January 25th, 2022, 4:09 pm

WanderingGaze22 wrote: ↑January 24th, 2022, 4:03 am Someone once told me they hate cats because they are allergic to them. When I asked why they would harbor such resentment towards a force and reaction to that force beyond their control, the reply was "It's always been that way." Can we as a people truly be able to find a way to abide what cannot always be avoided? How deep do personal feelings for anything get before they are no longer relevant in a life-threatening situation? keep in mind that in the 1998 film Madeline, the character Miss Clavel is allergic to dogs yet brings one into her car.

Thats the main complaint of Buddhist philosophy in a nutshell.

WanderingGaze22 · Post by **WanderingGaze22** » January 26th, 2022, 4:18 am

ernestm wrote: ↑January 25th, 2022, 4:09 pm
Thats the main complaint of Buddhist philosophy in a nutshell.

How do you figure exactly?

Terrapin Station · Post by **Terrapin Station** » January 26th, 2022, 7:18 am

It should be understandable that something that causes someone discomfort is going to be disliked, and the dislike will be proportionate to both the level of discomfort caused and the ubiquity of the thing(s) causing discomfort. It will also be inversely proportionate to a common, positive attitude about the thing in question.

EricPH · Post by **EricPH** » January 27th, 2022, 7:54 am

stevie wrote: ↑January 25th, 2022, 8:17 am It's natural to generate revulsion or aversion against what causes harm. Thus the cause of harm will be avoided and the harm is avoided. Why should one abide harm?

When we grow up; we know it hurts when you fall over. Do we give up and stop walking because we have hurt ourselves?

Life is full of risks that we probably can't avoid if we are to grow.

How many test pilots died in the quest to make flying safer? If test pilots did not take these risks on our behalf, we would not be flying.

stevie · Post by **stevie** » January 28th, 2022, 3:08 am

EricPH wrote: ↑January 27th, 2022, 7:54 am
stevie wrote: ↑January 25th, 2022, 8:17 am It's natural to generate revulsion or aversion against what causes harm. Thus the cause of harm will be avoided and the harm is avoided. Why should one abide harm?
When we grow up; we know it hurts when you fall over. Do we give up and stop walking because we have hurt ourselves?

Life is full of risks that we probably can't avoid if we are to grow.

How many test pilots died in the quest to make flying safer? If test pilots did not take these risks on our behalf, we would not be flying.

I did not refer to risks and risk taking but to things that are known to cause harm and said "It's natural to generate revulsion or aversion against what causes harm. Thus the cause of harm will be avoided and the harm is avoided. Why should one abide harm?" as a response to the OP.