First of all, I believe everything you wrote is both sincere and accurate.
For example, your second paragraph basically is a rewording of what I am trying to say.
And while you say you don't regret using swear words, by your own description in paragraph 2, you choose NOT to use them in certain situations. Which is basically proving my point that others who don't have your "practical guidelines", and thus have regrets and yes may appear (rightly or wrongly) as losers to certain audiences.
BTW, I didn't decide that certain folks consider those who swear are losers, I'm just pointing this reality out. It doesn't really matter what I think about the use of swear words (just as it doesn't matter what you think), they have certain cultural effects of emphasis, intimidation, insulting and yes they imply certain things (perhaps not accurate) about the user.
Lastly, the fact that you (and I, for that matter) prefer to be sworn at than being dressed down without swear words again underscores my point that while swear words are insulting by their nature, they're pretty pathetic in that role.
Here are the differences between our positions as I see them:
1) I think you are incorrect to say
You could just as easily give that power to "darn", it is up to you.
I don't think this is the case for many people. It would take a specific effort and would not be as satisfying for many. Further I think it is based on a confused pyschology. I and others don't make decisions to give certain words the effects they have on us. These effects build up over time via experience. Yes, I could invest a great deal of time and energy trying to weed these words out entirely, but there is no moral reason to. (I will take up the issue of my own self-censure in some situations in a later point).
2) I would never say...
Uummm... I said swearing is low class, not low intelligence. There are plenty of intelligent, low class people, right?
You do say elsewhere that some people will judge the person this way. But even there you word it as swearing 'makes them look'. No, it doesn't make them look...Other people make assumptions, that, as you might say, they could choose not to make. I think that's where the focus should be, if anywhere.
3) I wouldn't say...
Personally I like to win and I don't like to lose, so I am not drawn to vocabulary associated with losers.
For a couple of reasons. I'd prefer not to lose, but I recognize that letting people's judgments has a cost. And I am losing something when I, as a rule, avoid certain things. In mixed company, as you put it, I will mention that I have gay friends. As a practical person, in certain bars, I might not do this. But in general, just as with cursing, I am going to irritate some people, sometimes, who have hallucination moral judgments of certain words or certain sexualities. Yes, I do suppress myself in certain situations, but always there are limits and with anyone those words may come out, in certain situations. And I recognize that security sometimes comes at a cost. So, I am certainly not going to tell people that as a rule it is just as easy to not use those words, because it is not. It certainly is for some, for example some people raised in religious households, where it would take effort to start using those words. But for many people, no, quite the contrary, it is not as easy and there is a cost. Further I think it is losing to let the hallucinated values of others determine my behavior. So, while I try to take care of myself, there are limits and I frequently take the risk or blurt out things in mixed company.
4) I think it's odd that you frame the options like this...
Well think about it, Swear words (from the perspective of your own mind) don't have magical powers of tension release, unless you give it that power. You could just as easily give that power to "darn", it is up to you. As to the perspective of other people, say your enemies, sure you could cuss them out, but let's face it, a middle school simpleton can as well. Not much of an attack if you ask me. OTOH, if you can mortally embarrass a work enemy in from of their superiors without using a swear word, while appearing to actually be nice to them... now that is owning them.
First, yes, they don't have magical powers, but for those that they do have those effects, they do have powers of tension release. I don't think anyone attributed those powers to magic, so I think this statement is, in context, false or a false response to the other person. But more importantly, you jump from the use of swear words to the assumption - which seems present in a number of your posts - that winning and losing are the primary issues. And winning and losing in relation to others. I can be extremely pissed off as someone but not have as my goal my being the winner and them being the loser. The swear words come as expressive. And, of course, they can be expressive in relation to things and organizations or policies or kitchen devices in an office coffee room. It is very rare that I really want to make someone look like a loser in front of someone who is an authority figure for them. It happens and I will happily use passive aggressive techniques if that is the only way to make a situation better, but it's a pretty last resort. Put this another way: you mentioned that people might regret using swear words. Sure. But you fail to mention (notice?) that someone might regret trying to (succeeding in) making someone look like a loser. We may regret all sorts of things. And high class or upper class ways of winning or making other people look like losers can, hopefully, be just as easily be regretted. In fact, for me, given my experience of both types of expressions of aggression, I vastly prefer someone's blunt, so called low-class, anger with swear words, to someone using more passive aggressive machievellian approaches to express their anger at me. And I connect this to how I would be more likely to regret the latter than the former.
It may not be your intention or position, but it seems like you see swearing as low class and that high class ways of getting others are better. As a rule. Two, it seems like you accept the idea that other people's values should be left unchallenged and be allowed to set policy. Yes, I try to protect myself from idiots, especially if they can hurt me, professionally for example. But I am aware they are idiots (about this issue) and any caution I made in relation to others would include that judgement of mine. And let me be clear. Some people are just not used to hearing those words. I understand if they find them upsetting. But I see no need to accept their judgments as somehow neutral. (as in your saying something like you may be accurate about swear words not being unacceptable. It does come off as 1) you have class based judgments about these words and are not simply being practical about them. 2) you are concerned about winning and losing in interactions and tend to see contexts in those terms rather than others where there is anger.
It may not be the case that you share the judgments of those you meant who would make it mixed company, but I think if you read through your posts you will at least be able to see how this is a likely, even fair reaction. Further you seem aware and concerned about the side effects of using swear words, but not aware or at least not mentioning, the side effects of just accepting the other's values as a given and the side effects of using other ways of expressing anger.