Regard of blood relatives

[Sculptor1]

All family is complicated, but the biggest question of all would be how to start seeing them as a part of you and could you actually cut them out of your lives with no consequences?

My own personal experience is that I've never been through the serious family rifts and estrangements from blood relatives that other people have, although I know a lot of people who have, and I've seen various degrees of estrangement. So, perhaps partly because of never having been through those things myself, I've naturally always thought of my immediate family (my parents, siblings and children) as part of me, and me a part of them. My wife and her daughter (my step-daughter) have grown to be a part of me (and me of them). The situation with my ex (mother of my children) is different, complex and continuously evolving. Obviously no, I couldn't cut any of the people I've mentioned out of my life with no consequences.

Do you believe "good separations" are possible? How do you live on good terms with a child who has never met you and yet has to trust you as a caretaker?

If you have spawned a child you should show a 100% willingness to help and assist that child unconditionally.
I know there are those that choose, through selfishness or sociopathy to reject their responsibility, but I would not regard them as a good person.
If you are confronted with a previously unmet child then you should be friendly and open. They should feel ahppy to get as close or stay as far as they will.

[WanderingGaze22]

Do you believe "good separations" are possible?

Yes, they're undoubtedly possible, but I suspect they're rarely easy (very few serious events in life are). Sometimes, no doubt, but very rarely. Mine wasn't easy. But even during the worst of times, when we hated each other, we both managed to keep sight of what was important. Ultimately, it's undoubtedly been best for our children that we separated. We have a slightly more complex family arrangement now than the "standard" mother, father and their children living together arrangement. But it works for us. And I think it shows a reasonably good example to our children of how real life adult relationships work and change.

How do you live on good terms with a child who has never met you and yet has to trust you as a caretaker?

I don't know. I imagine that would be difficult. Since we separated, about 7 years ago now, me and my ex have shared custody of our children.

Better that way than one-sided custody, my family would view joint custody as a way to sow distrust. BTW, not a bad quote, not bad at all.

"Even men with steel hearts love to see a dog on the pitch."

[WanderingGaze22]

Do you believe "good separations" are possible? How do you live on good terms with a child who has never met you and yet has to trust you as a caretaker?
[/quote]

If you have spawned a child you should show a 100% willingness to help and assist that child unconditionally.
I know there are those that choose, through selfishness or sociopathy to reject their responsibility, but I would not regard them as a good person.
If you are confronted with a previously unmet child then you should be friendly and open. They should feel ahppy to get as close or stay as far as they will.
[/quote]

So bottom line, let them know they have a choice to accept you or not. Sounds effective.

[Steve3007]

Better that way than one-sided custody, my family would view joint custody as a way to sow distrust.

Mmm. Pity that they feel that way.

BTW, not a bad quote, not bad at all. "Even men with steel hearts love to see a dog on the pitch."

Yes, it's one of my favourites from a comedy band of which I've been a fan since the 1980's. It conjours up an image of a football (soccer) match, between small lower league teams, on a winters day, in an economically deprived provincial town, watched by grim faced men in flat caps, with cigarettes permanently growing from the corners of their mouths. Grim men with grim lives who enjoy a fleeting moment of shared levity when a stray dog wanders onto the pitch. At least, it does for me. "It generates a warmth around the ground that augers well for mankind. And that's what life's about."

But, as the song says, the trouble is these days you never see a dog on the pitch.

[WanderingGaze22]

Yes, it's one of my favourites from a comedy band of which I've been a fan since the 1980's. It conjours up an image of a football (soccer) match, between small lower league teams, on a winters day, in an economically deprived provincial town, watched by grim faced men in flat caps, with cigarettes permanently growing from the corners of their mouths. Grim men with grim lives who enjoy a fleeting moment of shared levity when a stray dog wanders onto the pitch. At least, it does for me. "It generates a warmth around the ground that augers well for mankind. And that's what life's about."

But, as the song says, the trouble is these days you never see a dog on the pitch.

I can relate. One moment of levity does change the tide for a grim day.