Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Discuss philosophical questions regarding theism (and atheism), and discuss religion as it relates to philosophy. This includes any philosophical discussions that happen to be about god, gods, or a 'higher power' or the belief of them. This also generally includes philosophical topics about organized or ritualistic mysticism or about organized, common or ritualistic beliefs in the existence of supernatural phenomenon.
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marcus-gorillius
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Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by marcus-gorillius »

Things were going wonderful, super easy in my very young age until I started obsessing over death one night and began questioning/doubting everything. I'm 31 now, but ever since about 7 years old when I 'fell from grace' by questioning everything and all authority sources, it feels like i've not ONCE been given a real windfall. It's like god refuses to throw me a bone, to the point where anyone that's ever known me agrees nothing ever goes my way.

I'm not ready to die, to be honest it still scares me despite how comfortable I am in the knowledge that the idea of me is simply an illusion and that we're all part of this bigger thing. I get that we're all on apparently infinite paths to continue to learning, no matter how painful the process is, but I don't like that I can't catch a break EVER.. literally nothing EVER goes my way or falls in my lap, despite my best efforts. Whereas the friends I've had in life with the MOST CHILDLIKE minds, who question very little, seem to have the most incredible situations handed to them.

Just me asking this question in a public forum makes me feel like I won't wake up from my sleep tonight. I want to be able to question reality and not trust unreasonable sources of authority, but without having to suffer constantly.

I love mind/time wasters like watching the office/video games/movies/etc, but at the same time, I LOVE questioning reality and I don't see any form of reasonable authority to have faith in.

And what **** with me the most is that it feels like god wants me to become philosophical, otherwise he wouldn't have left ANY of the paths i've crossed open to journey into the world of questioning, however... the more I do so, the harder life gets. Less and less windfalls or random luck. ALSO, EVERY **** TIME i get deeply into reading some philosophical ****, and start getting into trippy/weird vibe, my only friend will call me out of nowhere despite us having not talked in weeks. Or my landlord will randomly pop in to check on me (presumably to make sure I havn't killed myself). It's always either some out of the blue distraction, feeling like it was sent from god to stop me from digging, or some person to come distract me that DOESN'T represent anything related to questioning reality.

Also, the people closest to me (my only friend), and everyone in my family (who i don't talk to and actively ignore for years now), even my landlord are all DEVOTE christians. Seriously religious folk.

It's all really **** with my head and I'm scared. Honestly, I'm a coward deep down and enjoy pleasure and don't want to feel pain, but I do get bored with life and always go back to questioning reality, but it's so confusing. If god didn't want me to think philosophically, it WOULDN'T have left ANY pathways open to such thought... which are all around. At the same time, the people I love and care about (even if their ultimate goal is to block the truth) are constantly trying to move me away from philosophical thought.. and I try to ignore them.. but I live a very isolated and lonely life and they're the little I have. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm not ready to die yet.

Am I going against god? Is it okay to push against the bigger picture. Are you guys still alive and doing well? Can things improve for someone like me?

Going to sleep now, hope to not be dead in the morning for pushing god 1 step too far, and to be able to read any responses.
AverageBozo
Posts: 502
Joined: May 11th, 2021, 11:20 am

Re: Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by AverageBozo »

I know this isn’t the kind of response to your post you expected to get, but nonetheless it’s my reaction to a recurrent theme in your post.

Everything seemingly not going your way can be a symptom of chronic depression. Seriously, have you considered that you might be depressed? A mental health professional might be able to sort that out to see if you are depressed or not.
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JackDaydream
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Re: Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by JackDaydream »

@marcus-gorillus
It sounds to me like you have been living in a circle where you have been lead to fear questioning, but, at the same time, you find that you are asking questions. I come from a religious background in which I was taught that it was wrong to think for oneself, and the fear comes with guilt. But, you have arrived on the forum, so welcome, and you can begin to really explore the ideas which are bothering you. What you will find is that many on the forum don't believe in God at all. You may not like that, but I don't know. At least, if there is no God, there is nothing to fear of someone judging you. But, I do think that you are beating yourself up, but I can remember doing so myself at one stage.
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marcus-gorillius
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Re: Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by marcus-gorillius »

I've fought depression forever, tried many different medications and spoke with different psychiatrists/psychologists but ultimately don't have faith in any of the people/medications so I'm not currently taking any meds.

I really don't like taking meds honestly.
Nick_A
Posts: 3364
Joined: April 19th, 2009, 11:45 pm

Re: Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by Nick_A »

marcus-gorillius wrote: October 6th, 2021, 4:22 am Things were going wonderful, super easy in my very young age until I started obsessing over death one night and began questioning/doubting everything. I'm 31 now, but ever since about 7 years old when I 'fell from grace' by questioning everything and all authority sources, it feels like i've not ONCE been given a real windfall. It's like god refuses to throw me a bone, to the point where anyone that's ever known me agrees nothing ever goes my way.

I'm not ready to die, to be honest it still scares me despite how comfortable I am in the knowledge that the idea of me is simply an illusion and that we're all part of this bigger thing. I get that we're all on apparently infinite paths to continue to learning, no matter how painful the process is, but I don't like that I can't catch a break EVER.. literally nothing EVER goes my way or falls in my lap, despite my best efforts. Whereas the friends I've had in life with the MOST CHILDLIKE minds, who question very little, seem to have the most incredible situations handed to them.

Just me asking this question in a public forum makes me feel like I won't wake up from my sleep tonight. I want to be able to question reality and not trust unreasonable sources of authority, but without having to suffer constantly.

I love mind/time wasters like watching the office/video games/movies/etc, but at the same time, I LOVE questioning reality and I don't see any form of reasonable authority to have faith in.

And what **** with me the most is that it feels like god wants me to become philosophical, otherwise he wouldn't have left ANY of the paths i've crossed open to journey into the world of questioning, however... the more I do so, the harder life gets. Less and less windfalls or random luck. ALSO, EVERY **** TIME i get deeply into reading some philosophical ****, and start getting into trippy/weird vibe, my only friend will call me out of nowhere despite us having not talked in weeks. Or my landlord will randomly pop in to check on me (presumably to make sure I havn't killed myself). It's always either some out of the blue distraction, feeling like it was sent from god to stop me from digging, or some person to come distract me that DOESN'T represent anything related to questioning reality.

Also, the people closest to me (my only friend), and everyone in my family (who i don't talk to and actively ignore for years now), even my landlord are all DEVOTE christians. Seriously religious folk.

It's all really **** with my head and I'm scared. Honestly, I'm a coward deep down and enjoy pleasure and don't want to feel pain, but I do get bored with life and always go back to questioning reality, but it's so confusing. If god didn't want me to think philosophically, it WOULDN'T have left ANY pathways open to such thought... which are all around. At the same time, the people I love and care about (even if their ultimate goal is to block the truth) are constantly trying to move me away from philosophical thought.. and I try to ignore them.. but I live a very isolated and lonely life and they're the little I have. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm not ready to die yet.

Am I going against god? Is it okay to push against the bigger picture. Are you guys still alive and doing well? Can things improve for someone like me?

Going to sleep now, hope to not be dead in the morning for pushing god 1 step too far, and to be able to read any responses.
A dog doesn't question but you are not a dog. You are a Man and it is natural to question the absurdity of the human condition we are a part of.

Consider the beginning of the Serenity prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...."
How can we know what we can change and acquire the courage to change it without questioning? How can a person acquire wisdom without sincere questions? A person has to learn how to sincerely question rather than expressing complaints. How can we ask with conscious contemplation? Consider Jacob Needleman's description of the questions of the heart and how they are repressed by so many. Questions offer our potential to awaken from absurdism and the chance to be normal. Whatever you do. don't fall into metaphysical repression and deny your apparent need for sincere questioning.

https://www.northatlanticbooks.com/blog ... -question/

“What’s it all about?”
“Where’s it all going?”
“Why do we live?”
“Why do we die?”
“Does God exist?”
“What’s the brain for?”
“What can we know?”
Man would like to be an egoist and cannot. This is the most striking characteristic of his wretchedness and the source of his greatness." Simone Weil....Gravity and Grace
Tegularius
Posts: 711
Joined: February 6th, 2021, 5:27 am

Re: Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by Tegularius »

The human analogy of questioning everything, tantamount to questioning god, is not so unlike the cadaver synod of 897...absolute useless in eliciting a response. So continue to question. What's dead can't be offended.
The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man ... Nietzsche
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LuckyR
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Joined: January 18th, 2015, 1:16 am

Re: Am I going against god(w/e the bigger thing is) by consistently questioning everything?

Post by LuckyR »

marcus-gorillius wrote: October 6th, 2021, 4:22 am Things were going wonderful, super easy in my very young age until I started obsessing over death one night and began questioning/doubting everything. I'm 31 now, but ever since about 7 years old when I 'fell from grace' by questioning everything and all authority sources, it feels like i've not ONCE been given a real windfall. It's like god refuses to throw me a bone, to the point where anyone that's ever known me agrees nothing ever goes my way.

I'm not ready to die, to be honest it still scares me despite how comfortable I am in the knowledge that the idea of me is simply an illusion and that we're all part of this bigger thing. I get that we're all on apparently infinite paths to continue to learning, no matter how painful the process is, but I don't like that I can't catch a break EVER.. literally nothing EVER goes my way or falls in my lap, despite my best efforts. Whereas the friends I've had in life with the MOST CHILDLIKE minds, who question very little, seem to have the most incredible situations handed to them.

Just me asking this question in a public forum makes me feel like I won't wake up from my sleep tonight. I want to be able to question reality and not trust unreasonable sources of authority, but without having to suffer constantly.

I love mind/time wasters like watching the office/video games/movies/etc, but at the same time, I LOVE questioning reality and I don't see any form of reasonable authority to have faith in.

And what **** with me the most is that it feels like god wants me to become philosophical, otherwise he wouldn't have left ANY of the paths i've crossed open to journey into the world of questioning, however... the more I do so, the harder life gets. Less and less windfalls or random luck. ALSO, EVERY **** TIME i get deeply into reading some philosophical ****, and start getting into trippy/weird vibe, my only friend will call me out of nowhere despite us having not talked in weeks. Or my landlord will randomly pop in to check on me (presumably to make sure I havn't killed myself). It's always either some out of the blue distraction, feeling like it was sent from god to stop me from digging, or some person to come distract me that DOESN'T represent anything related to questioning reality.

Also, the people closest to me (my only friend), and everyone in my family (who i don't talk to and actively ignore for years now), even my landlord are all DEVOTE christians. Seriously religious folk.

It's all really **** with my head and I'm scared. Honestly, I'm a coward deep down and enjoy pleasure and don't want to feel pain, but I do get bored with life and always go back to questioning reality, but it's so confusing. If god didn't want me to think philosophically, it WOULDN'T have left ANY pathways open to such thought... which are all around. At the same time, the people I love and care about (even if their ultimate goal is to block the truth) are constantly trying to move me away from philosophical thought.. and I try to ignore them.. but I live a very isolated and lonely life and they're the little I have. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm not ready to die yet.

Am I going against god? Is it okay to push against the bigger picture. Are you guys still alive and doing well? Can things improve for someone like me?

Going to sleep now, hope to not be dead in the morning for pushing god 1 step too far, and to be able to read any responses.
In my opinion, you are to be applauded for asking the questions. The problem is you don't like the answers. There are numerous ways of addressing this situation. First, as you suggest, you could stop asking. As it happens, you are inherently curious, so that is not a viable long term plan. You could learn to accept the answers by putting them in perspective or other mental tricks. You don't mention if you have tried this before, but I am not confident it will work for you, but you know best. Lastly, my advice would be to put energy into changing the answers, you may or may not succeed, but many benefit from the effort more than the outcome.
"As usual... it depends."
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