Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

This is a discussion forum topic for the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All


Here is a quote from the book which appears on page 174 (of the hardcover):

True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

What do you you think?

Does the above sentence retain its meaning well even when quoted out of context as above? Or does one really need to read the book and especially the chapter containing that quote to fully capture its meaning?

[Mounce574]

If you sacrifice your happiness, I believe that grows resentment. If you resent someone, then you can't foster the feeling of love.

[mrlefty0706]

I believe this quote retains it's meaning without the entire context. True love does not require something from the giver since the giver believes he is tryly happy just to sacrifice. No strings attached. I am willing to risk my life to protect the love of my life and I do not expect her to feel the same way. I know she loves me and to me that is what is most important.

[mrlefty0706]

Second response. While I do believe the quote retains its meaning out of context I would higly recommend readers to read the chapter where the quote is found on page 174. The context around the quote really adds to the meaning. I would not suggest readers skip any of the chapters of this book since there is something to be learned on every page.

[Sushan]

I found this quote on page 188 of the Kindle Version. Well, this quote makes sense to me, and I think with or without deep thoughts about love, anyone who is in love will agree with this quote. But what confused me was the following paragraph in the book, which says that if we have to sacrifice our inner peace or spiritual freedom today for someone else or our own future self, then it is not true / conscious love.

But how can we limit sacrifices when it comes to true love? Sacrificing itself implies of loosing something. So how can we say that we have to keep or inner peace at any cost, even the comfort of our loved ones (or even our future self) to keep that a loving sacrifice. I am confused here a lot.

[Sushan]

If you sacrifice your happiness, I believe that grows resentment. If you resent someone, then you can't foster the feeling of love.

I think the author has answered this in the following paragraph. If your happiness lies with your inner peace, then you should not sacrifice that. If you sacrifice that, indeed you will be unhappy and the sacrifice will not be a loving sacrifice.

But when I read this I find myself in a dilemma. You have to be happy to sacrifice but at the same time you have limitations for your potential sacrifices.

[Sushan]

I believe this quote retains it's meaning without the entire context. True love does not require something from the giver since the giver believes he is tryly happy just to sacrifice. No strings attached. I am willing to risk my life to protect the love of my life and I do not expect her to feel the same way. I know she loves me and to me that is what is most important.

When reading through the rest of the text, it seems like the focus being more on finding whether the love is true and conscious rather than the sacrifice is a loving one. After you make your sacrifice, if your inner peace remains intact, then you can be sure that your sacrifice is a loving one. So before jumping for a sacrifice one has to check whether it will harm his/her inner peace. In that way one can check whether his/her sacrifice is true, and at the same time whether his/her love is true and conscious.

[Mounce574]

I believe this quote retains it's meaning without the entire context. True love does not require something from the giver since the giver believes he is tryly happy just to sacrifice. No strings attached. I am willing to risk my life to protect the love of my life and I do not expect her to feel the same way. I know she loves me and to me that is what is most important.

When reading through the rest of the text, it seems like the focus being more on finding whether the love is true and conscious rather than the sacrifice is a loving one. After you make your sacrifice, if your inner peace remains intact, then you can be sure that your sacrifice is a loving one. So before jumping for a sacrifice one has to check whether it will harm his/her inner peace. In that way one can check whether his/her sacrifice is true, and at the same time whether his/her love is true and conscious.

If I sacrifice my life for someone else to live, will I be capable of inner peace? Is it less true?

[Sushan]

I believe this quote retains it's meaning without the entire context. True love does not require something from the giver since the giver believes he is tryly happy just to sacrifice. No strings attached. I am willing to risk my life to protect the love of my life and I do not expect her to feel the same way. I know she loves me and to me that is what is most important.

When reading through the rest of the text, it seems like the focus being more on finding whether the love is true and conscious rather than the sacrifice is a loving one. After you make your sacrifice, if your inner peace remains intact, then you can be sure that your sacrifice is a loving one. So before jumping for a sacrifice one has to check whether it will harm his/her inner peace. In that way one can check whether his/her sacrifice is true, and at the same time whether his/her love is true and conscious.

If I sacrifice my life for someone else to live, will I be capable of inner peace? Is it less true?

Inner peace is something that you can experience only when you are alive. You can assume that you will have inner peace following the sacrifice that you are happy to mke. But you cannot be sure about that and there is a high chance for you to feel nothing at all after the sacrifice. So I think many sacrifices may lead you to inner peace except giving away your life.

[Mounce574]

I believe this quote retains it's meaning without the entire context. True love does not require something from the giver since the giver believes he is tryly happy just to sacrifice. No strings attached. I am willing to risk my life to protect the love of my life and I do not expect her to feel the same way. I know she loves me and to me that is what is most important.

When reading through the rest of the text, it seems like the focus being more on finding whether the love is true and conscious rather than the sacrifice is a loving one. After you make your sacrifice, if your inner peace remains intact, then you can be sure that your sacrifice is a loving one. So before jumping for a sacrifice one has to check whether it will harm his/her inner peace. In that way one can check whether his/her sacrifice is true, and at the same time whether his/her love is true and conscious.

If I sacrifice my life for someone else to live, will I be capable of inner peace? Is it less true?

Inner peace is something that you can experience only when you are alive. You can assume that you will have inner peace following the sacrifice that you are happy to mke. But you cannot be sure about that and there is a high chance for you to feel nothing at all after the sacrifice. So I think many sacrifices may lead you to inner peace except giving away your life.

I wonder if you can feel inner peace prior to such a sacrifice? Or would it be considered resignation instead?

[Sushan]

When reading through the rest of the text, it seems like the focus being more on finding whether the love is true and conscious rather than the sacrifice is a loving one. After you make your sacrifice, if your inner peace remains intact, then you can be sure that your sacrifice is a loving one. So before jumping for a sacrifice one has to check whether it will harm his/her inner peace. In that way one can check whether his/her sacrifice is true, and at the same time whether his/her love is true and conscious.

If I sacrifice my life for someone else to live, will I be capable of inner peace? Is it less true?

Inner peace is something that you can experience only when you are alive. You can assume that you will have inner peace following the sacrifice that you are happy to mke. But you cannot be sure about that and there is a high chance for you to feel nothing at all after the sacrifice. So I think many sacrifices may lead you to inner peace except giving away your life.

I wonder if you can feel inner peace prior to such a sacrifice? Or would it be considered resignation instead?

Inner peace (or nirvana as Scott says) has to be achieved while one is alive. Even if you are going to sacrifice your life, you should feel the inner peace and no fear of dying while you are still alive. I do not believe in after life, so I think feeling the inner peace later won't be an option.

Feeling of resignation should come with depression or depressive thoughts. And there won't be inner peace at all in such an occasion.

[Bertha Jackson]

I think this statement clarifies its meaning without reading the rest of the text. This could be because I was married to my husband for almost 40 years, and for the last several years I had to make sacrifices because of his health. I never resented this and was happy to help him in any way I could. Having said this, I believe people who have never had to experience this, would have had to read more to understand it.

[Joannasbookshelf]

I think this statement is extremely powerful. If you love someone so much, you are happy to sacrifice for them. For instance, parents sacrifice a lot for their children but they love them so much that it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice.

[Samantha Barnes 3]

I believe that statement retains its meaning just fine on its own. Sacrifice is a large part of any relationship. No person is perfect, so when two imperfect people decide to come together, it is a given that, at some point, both parties will have to sacrifice something in order to maintain their relationship, but if they are truly in love, the sacrifice would be worth it.

[Clara Alston]

I have mixed feelings about this quote. I have personally felt the ease and intense desire to sacrifice for those I love. At the same time, I do not believe sacrifice should be expected in relationships. It does lead to resentment, which I also have felt many times. It can be an interesting dance that occurs where both spirits work to escape their ego and defer to the other while still taking care of themselves.