Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

[Scott]

Hi, Christell Lindeque,

Thank you for your reply!

I am not sure how I feel about this quote. The first part of the quote is what I agree with. I do, however, have mixed feelings about the second part. This will only work if the other person in the relationship returns the sentiment.

If I recall correctly, the quote was at least, if not moreso, in the context of temporal unity (loving your self across time) rather than spatially (e.g. a single partner in a romantic relationship loving the other).

Temporally, an example of loving sacrifice would be me, 36-year-old Scott, being happy to sacrifice comfort today by running on the torture machine we call a treadmill out of love for 37-year-old Scott, so he can reap the more material rewards of my sacrifice.

Spatially, an example of loving sacrifice would include me, 36-year-old Scott, being happy to exhaust myself work hard to make money to put food on the table to feed my kids, or otherwise being willing to sacrifice comfort for the sake of my kids and endure great pains, fears, risks, and even death for them. I can imagine many scenarios where, out of live, I would be happy to sacrifice my life for my kids.

You mention the condition of "if the other person in the relationship returns the sentiment". I think you are talking about something very different than what I am. You are talking about something much more transactional, like "I'll give you $20 per hour if you work for me," or "I won't sleep with other people if you don't." There is nothing wrong with such business-like conditional transactions, and as a human I engage in them plenty, but it's just a very different subject.

Thank you again for your reply!


Thank you,
Scott

[Scott]

I think this statement stands alone. In fact, it very concisely captures my entire existence as a parent of toddlers. I have sacrificed many things that make me as an individual happy (traveling, adventure sports, free time, money, the ability to use the bathroom alone ha ha ha). But I am very happy to do so as the parent journey brings a different type of longer term love and joy.

A wonderful example!

[Scott]

After rereading the book and reflecting more on this question I think I have come to this conclusion: You will never sacrifice yourself if you do not have inner peace. If you have inner peace you are not resigning yourself to the thought of not being happy because we want those around us to be happy [...]

Yes, I agree. Wisely stated!

In fact, I think I'll make a note of myself to possible state that fact in the way you have in a future edition of the book.

I think that speaks to the deep inherent connection between what inner peace and what I call spiritual freedom.

Those without either tend to go through life as an AI-like machine whose sole purpose is to avoid pain/discomfort/death/etc. and seek out as much comfort, sensual pleasure and physical safety as possible. And we can easily see why such a person would tend to not have as much commitment or consistency when it comes to something extremely uncomfortable like running on a treadmill or happily doing the work of being a great parent, or in other words of being happy to sacrifice.

In contrast, having inner peace is associated with being liberated (i.e. freed) from being a slave to mere bodily feelings like pain, fear, and hunger. The one with inner peace and spiritual freedom doesn't need to eat simply because they are hungry, and would even be very happy to experience severe hunger if sacrificing eating was done out of true love. Another word for that is transcendence, meaning transcending feelings like pain, fear, and hunger. Transcending means you still have them, but you aren't a slave to them. With fear, we call such transcendence bravery. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Quite the opposite, bravery cannot exist without fear. One must be afraid to be brave. The same goes for transcendence of other similar feelings such as pain, hunger, and discomfort.


Thank you,
Scott

[Salah bourouba]

True love is not needing to sacrifice anything that you desire but rather accepting that you might need time apart now to be happy in the future. It's all about compromise.