Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Discuss the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes.

To post in this forum, you must buy and read the book. After buying the book, please upload a screenshot of your receipt or proof or purchase via OnlineBookClub. Once the moderators approve your purchase at OnlineBookClub, you will then also automatically be given access to post in this forum.
Forum rules
This forum is for discussing the book In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All. Anyone can view the forum and read the post, but only people who purchased the book can post in the forum.

If your purchase has not already been verified (i.e. if you don't already have access to post in this forum), then please upload a screenshot of your receipt or proof or purchase via OnlineBookClub. Once the moderators approve your purchase at OnlineBookClub, you will then also automatically be given access to post in this forum.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5861
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
Contact:

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Hi, Christell Lindeque,

Thank you for your reply! :)
Christell Lindeque wrote: March 3rd, 2023, 12:47 pm I am not sure how I feel about this quote. The first part of the quote is what I agree with. I do, however, have mixed feelings about the second part. This will only work if the other person in the relationship returns the sentiment.
If I recall correctly, the quote was at least, if not moreso, in the context of temporal unity (loving your self across time) rather than spatially (e.g. a single partner in a romantic relationship loving the other).

Temporally, an example of loving sacrifice would be me, 36-year-old Scott, being happy to sacrifice comfort today by running on the torture machine we call a treadmill out of love for 37-year-old Scott, so he can reap the more material rewards of my sacrifice.

Spatially, an example of loving sacrifice would include me, 36-year-old Scott, being happy to exhaust myself work hard to make money to put food on the table to feed my kids, or otherwise being willing to sacrifice comfort for the sake of my kids and endure great pains, fears, risks, and even death for them. I can imagine many scenarios where, out of live, I would be happy to sacrifice my life for my kids.

You mention the condition of "if the other person in the relationship returns the sentiment". I think you are talking about something very different than what I am. You are talking about something much more transactional, like "I'll give you $20 per hour if you work for me," or "I won't sleep with other people if you don't." There is nothing wrong with such business-like conditional transactions, and as a human I engage in them plenty, but it's just a very different subject.

Thank you again for your reply!


Thank you,
Scott
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5861
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
Contact:

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

ReviewsByChristine wrote: March 2nd, 2023, 2:34 pm I think this statement stands alone. In fact, it very concisely captures my entire existence as a parent of toddlers. I have sacrificed many things that make me as an individual happy (traveling, adventure sports, free time, money, the ability to use the bathroom alone ha ha ha). But I am very happy to do so as the parent journey brings a different type of longer term love and joy.
A wonderful example! :D
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5861
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
Contact:

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Mounce574 wrote: February 10th, 2023, 5:04 am After rereading the book and reflecting more on this question I think I have come to this conclusion: You will never sacrifice yourself if you do not have inner peace. If you have inner peace you are not resigning yourself to the thought of not being happy because we want those around us to be happy [...]
Yes, I agree. Wisely stated! :)

In fact, I think I'll make a note of myself to possible state that fact in the way you have in a future edition of the book.

I think that speaks to the deep inherent connection between what inner peace and what I call spiritual freedom.

Those without either tend to go through life as an AI-like machine whose sole purpose is to avoid pain/discomfort/death/etc. and seek out as much comfort, sensual pleasure and physical safety as possible. And we can easily see why such a person would tend to not have as much commitment or consistency when it comes to something extremely uncomfortable like running on a treadmill or happily doing the work of being a great parent, or in other words of being happy to sacrifice.

In contrast, having inner peace is associated with being liberated (i.e. freed) from being a slave to mere bodily feelings like pain, fear, and hunger. The one with inner peace and spiritual freedom doesn't need to eat simply because they are hungry, and would even be very happy to experience severe hunger if sacrificing eating was done out of true love. Another word for that is transcendence, meaning transcending feelings like pain, fear, and hunger. Transcending means you still have them, but you aren't a slave to them. With fear, we call such transcendence bravery. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Quite the opposite, bravery cannot exist without fear. One must be afraid to be brave. The same goes for transcendence of other similar feelings such as pain, hunger, and discomfort.


Thank you,
Scott
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
Salah bourouba
Premium Member
Posts: 10
Joined: November 3rd, 2022, 10:24 am

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Salah bourouba »

True love is not needing to sacrifice anything that you desire but rather accepting that you might need time apart now to be happy in the future. It's all about compromise.
User avatar
sam_rahman12
Premium Member
Posts: 12
Joined: April 21st, 2023, 1:52 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by sam_rahman12 »

This is one of my favourite quotes of the book. And yes, this is true for all relationships so this quote retains the meaning even without the context. The context makes it even better though!
Vivian Writes
Premium Member
Posts: 10
Joined: December 15th, 2022, 1:41 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Vivian Writes »

I think this sentence is full of meaning that can be grasped right away even when not given further context. It strikes deep and it is the truth to me. When you keep sacrificing your happiness for “true love,” that love soon turns sour as resentment keeps piling. But being happy to sacrifice is a different ball game.
User avatar
brit
Premium Member
Posts: 13
Joined: March 3rd, 2023, 1:48 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by brit »

I think this quote can be retain its meaning without another contexts. It’s beautiful and meaningful. One can apply that quote if there’s a sincerity in their heart. There will be no happiness without sincerity in it.
Nletachi Otuokere
Premium Member
Posts: 8
Joined: May 6th, 2023, 2:38 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Nletachi Otuokere »

I believe the following paragraph contains the author's response to this. If your inner serenity is what makes you happy, you shouldn't give it up. You will be miserable if you give that up, and it won't be a loving sacrifice either.
Nletachi Otuokere
Premium Member
Posts: 8
Joined: May 6th, 2023, 2:38 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Nletachi Otuokere »

Without the complete context, I think this phrase still makes sense. Since the giver thinks he is content to make a sacrifice, true love does not demand anything from him. Without conditions. I don't anticipate her feeling the same way that I am willing to put my life in danger to protect the woman I love. I am certain in her love for me, and that is what matters most to me.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5861
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
Contact:

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

"True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback about the above quote from my book! :D

Below are some elaborations on this concept, especially in regard to sacrifices made for older versions of the human you see in the mirror (i.e. your so-called future self), and thus about the potential for being happy to lovingly sacrifice for your future self versus being in a toxic pseudo-loving relationship with your future self that keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-abusive misery.


Feel free to generously and lovingly sacrifice much for those you love, including your so-called future self, but never sacrifice your happiness.

If you're in the habit today of sacrificing your happiness today so you can be happy tomorrow, you'll probably still have that habit tomorrow, and so you almost certainly won't be happy tomorrow either. By sacrificing your happiness today allegedly in the name of your future self's happiness, you actually condemn both of you to unhappiness and misery, a cyclical sticky habit that will likely continue for a long time and quite possibly your entire human life.

If the sacrifices you're making today for the sake of your future self make you unhappy today, then that is generally foolish, toxic, and unkind--to both your present self and your future self. It will hurt you and your future self. In addition to the unhappiness you give Today You, you also curse Future You too by building that self-hurtful habit.

The primary factor in whether your future self is happy is whether you start right now today building the habits of happiness, such as deep daily constant gratitude, appreciation, and full and unconditional acceptance of that which you cannot control. We're talking about an acceptance so full and unconditional that it is rightly called love, with such deep true unconditional love making you happy. If you really love, you are happy to love--truly happy.

In contrast, if one thinks happiness depends on reaching greener grass, they will willingly tolerate unhappiness today to spend today unhappily chasing greener grass. They will then not only be unhappy today by willingly tolerating unhappiness today, but they will curse their future self with the self-abusive habit of unhappily chasing ever-greener grass. Like Sisyphus's curse, it's an endless one.

For that person, there will always be greener grass to chase; the grass will always be greener on the other side; and they will thus always be unhappy.

There is a reason I use the word 'cyclical' 14 times in my book In It Together.

An unhappy alcoholic is unhappy when he drinks, so he quits and becomes sober. Then he is unhappy sober, so he starts drinking again. He is unhappy after one drink so he has two, and he is unhappy after two so he has three. He is unhappy binge drinking so he becomes sober for a bit again, but he's unhappy in that so he chases the greener grass of sobriety again.

The unhappy addict unhappily chases greener grass. He always finds the grass on the other side to seem greener. Hence, why addictive behavior is cyclical.

The true loving happiness that is consistent unwavering free-spirited inner peace is the key to consistency, determination, and success. Such determined consistency is really just another name for being in a cooperative truly loving relationship with your selves over time, which is in direct contrast to the toxic pseudo-loving happiness-sacrificing self-abusive relationship a textbook addict has with himself. Where the addict is in a repeating cycle of greener-grass-chasing misery, we can all find liberation in the form of the spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) that comes with inner peace and true love.

So I end like I started: Feel free to generously and lovingly sacrifice much for those you love, including your so-called future self, but never sacrifice your happiness. Sacrifice lovingly, be loving, and be happy. Now. Today. :)

It's within your power of choice to start enjoying the unwavering true happiness that is consistent inner peace today right now, and then keep that habit for the rest of your life.

The choice is yours and yours alone. And, whatever you choose, I accept and respect it.


With love,
Scott "Eckhart Aurelius" Hughes
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
Nganyi Humphrey
Premium Member
Posts: 18
Joined: December 15th, 2022, 1:41 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Nganyi Humphrey »

To a certain extent, I agree with the above-stated quote. I don't think we should always sacrifice happily for the person we love. A person's sacrifice should not be to such an extent that it is prejudicial to our normalcy or cause physical or psychological pain.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5861
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
Contact:

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Nganyi Humphrey wrote: May 18th, 2023, 6:03 am To a certain extent, I agree with the above-stated quote. I don't think we should always sacrifice happily for the person we love. A person's sacrifice should not be to such an extent that it is prejudicial to our normalcy or cause physical or psychological pain.
Thank you for your reply! :)

Out of mere curiosity, may I ask if you have read In It Together in full?

One thing I would hope that someone who read would come to thereby see is that there is absolutely nothing at all that we "should" do (nor that we "should" not do).

There is love. There is desire. There is choice. But there is no 'should'. :)


Thank you,
Scott
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
User avatar
NaghmaQ
Premium Member
Posts: 10
Joined: March 6th, 2023, 3:25 am

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by NaghmaQ »

I agree with the quote. It is out of true and unconditional love that one would want to happily give up or sacrifice something for someone without expecting similar behavior in return. I could see such a form of love many times among parents for their children. As I saw it in my father. He would happily face the pain of some action just to take away his children's pain, or to give some comfort or support, even when we could have taken care of ourselves. He is no more in this world today, and as I am raising my kids today, making some sacrifices happily while finding other sacrifices really difficult, I think of him as an inspiration because I know he would have done everything happily.
Anil G
Premium Member
Posts: 23
Joined: May 22nd, 2023, 7:37 am

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Anil G »

I think it is quoted clearly and its simple to interpret. If a person makes sacrifice in love but also upset about it then that person will eventually find ways to move on with that decision. On the other hand if a person makes a sacrifice happily in love then that person will feel great. It is true love if the sacrifice made happily and if not happily than at least moves on easily.
SEEK FREEDOM!
Davy Ifedigbo
Premium Member
Posts: 10
Joined: May 6th, 2023, 5:07 pm

Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Davy Ifedigbo »

I think that assertion maintains its significance adequately by itself. Giving up something important is an integral aspect of every connection. Nobody is flawless, therefore, when two flawed individuals opt to unite, it is inevitable that, at some stage, both sides will need to surrender something to sustain their relationship. Nevertheless, if their love is genuine, the act of relinquishing would be worthwhile.
Post Reply

Return to “Discuss "In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All" by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes”

2024 Philosophy Books of the Month

The Advent of Time: A Solution to the Problem of Evil...

The Advent of Time: A Solution to the Problem of Evil...
by Indignus Servus
November 2024

Reconceptualizing Mental Illness in the Digital Age

Reconceptualizing Mental Illness in the Digital Age
by Elliott B. Martin, Jr.
October 2024

How is God Involved in Evolution?

How is God Involved in Evolution?
by Joe P. Provenzano, Ron D. Morgan, and Dan R. Provenzano
August 2024

Launchpad Republic: America's Entrepreneurial Edge and Why It Matters

Launchpad Republic: America's Entrepreneurial Edge and Why It Matters
by Howard Wolk
July 2024

Quest: Finding Freddie: Reflections from the Other Side

Quest: Finding Freddie: Reflections from the Other Side
by Thomas Richard Spradlin
June 2024

Neither Safe Nor Effective

Neither Safe Nor Effective
by Dr. Colleen Huber
May 2024

Now or Never

Now or Never
by Mary Wasche
April 2024

Meditations

Meditations
by Marcus Aurelius
March 2024

Beyond the Golden Door: Seeing the American Dream Through an Immigrant's Eyes

Beyond the Golden Door: Seeing the American Dream Through an Immigrant's Eyes
by Ali Master
February 2024

The In-Between: Life in the Micro

The In-Between: Life in the Micro
by Christian Espinosa
January 2024

2023 Philosophy Books of the Month

Entanglement - Quantum and Otherwise

Entanglement - Quantum and Otherwise
by John K Danenbarger
January 2023

Mark Victor Hansen, Relentless: Wisdom Behind the Incomparable Chicken Soup for the Soul

Mark Victor Hansen, Relentless: Wisdom Behind the Incomparable Chicken Soup for the Soul
by Mitzi Perdue
February 2023

Rediscovering the Wisdom of Human Nature: How Civilization Destroys Happiness

Rediscovering the Wisdom of Human Nature: How Civilization Destroys Happiness
by Chet Shupe
March 2023

The Unfakeable Code®

The Unfakeable Code®
by Tony Jeton Selimi
April 2023

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
by Alan Watts
May 2023

Killing Abel

Killing Abel
by Michael Tieman
June 2023

Reconfigurement: Reconfiguring Your Life at Any Stage and Planning Ahead

Reconfigurement: Reconfiguring Your Life at Any Stage and Planning Ahead
by E. Alan Fleischauer
July 2023

First Survivor: The Impossible Childhood Cancer Breakthrough

First Survivor: The Impossible Childhood Cancer Breakthrough
by Mark Unger
August 2023

Predictably Irrational

Predictably Irrational
by Dan Ariely
September 2023

Artwords

Artwords
by Beatriz M. Robles
November 2023

Fireproof Happiness: Extinguishing Anxiety & Igniting Hope

Fireproof Happiness: Extinguishing Anxiety & Igniting Hope
by Dr. Randy Ross
December 2023

2022 Philosophy Books of the Month

Emotional Intelligence At Work

Emotional Intelligence At Work
by Richard M Contino & Penelope J Holt
January 2022

Free Will, Do You Have It?

Free Will, Do You Have It?
by Albertus Kral
February 2022

My Enemy in Vietnam

My Enemy in Vietnam
by Billy Springer
March 2022

2X2 on the Ark

2X2 on the Ark
by Mary J Giuffra, PhD
April 2022

The Maestro Monologue

The Maestro Monologue
by Rob White
May 2022

What Makes America Great

What Makes America Great
by Bob Dowell
June 2022

The Truth Is Beyond Belief!

The Truth Is Beyond Belief!
by Jerry Durr
July 2022

Living in Color

Living in Color
by Mike Murphy
August 2022 (tentative)

The Not So Great American Novel

The Not So Great American Novel
by James E Doucette
September 2022

Mary Jane Whiteley Coggeshall, Hicksite Quaker, Iowa/National Suffragette And Her Speeches

Mary Jane Whiteley Coggeshall, Hicksite Quaker, Iowa/National Suffragette And Her Speeches
by John N. (Jake) Ferris
October 2022

In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All

In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All
by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
November 2022

The Smartest Person in the Room: The Root Cause and New Solution for Cybersecurity

The Smartest Person in the Room
by Christian Espinosa
December 2022

2021 Philosophy Books of the Month

The Biblical Clock: The Untold Secrets Linking the Universe and Humanity with God's Plan

The Biblical Clock
by Daniel Friedmann
March 2021

Wilderness Cry: A Scientific and Philosophical Approach to Understanding God and the Universe

Wilderness Cry
by Dr. Hilary L Hunt M.D.
April 2021

Fear Not, Dream Big, & Execute: Tools To Spark Your Dream And Ignite Your Follow-Through

Fear Not, Dream Big, & Execute
by Jeff Meyer
May 2021

Surviving the Business of Healthcare: Knowledge is Power

Surviving the Business of Healthcare
by Barbara Galutia Regis M.S. PA-C
June 2021

Winning the War on Cancer: The Epic Journey Towards a Natural Cure

Winning the War on Cancer
by Sylvie Beljanski
July 2021

Defining Moments of a Free Man from a Black Stream

Defining Moments of a Free Man from a Black Stream
by Dr Frank L Douglas
August 2021

If Life Stinks, Get Your Head Outta Your Buts

If Life Stinks, Get Your Head Outta Your Buts
by Mark L. Wdowiak
September 2021

The Preppers Medical Handbook

The Preppers Medical Handbook
by Dr. William W Forgey M.D.
October 2021

Natural Relief for Anxiety and Stress: A Practical Guide

Natural Relief for Anxiety and Stress
by Dr. Gustavo Kinrys, MD
November 2021

Dream For Peace: An Ambassador Memoir

Dream For Peace
by Dr. Ghoulem Berrah
December 2021