Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Discuss the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes.

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Shillah Andeso
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Shillah Andeso »

One has to read the book to understand this quote. If this quote is read out of context, I would ask "why do I have to sacrifice my happiness?" True love means that you are happy with the other person. The fact that you have loved doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your happiness. Despite my explanation, I think the author has explained the quote well in the book.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Sheilaread »

I feel this phrase can easily stand alone on its own and be very powerful. Yet, to gain even more knowledge and understanding about the context about why it was written, one would need to read the rest of the chapter where it is located.
I feel to make sacrifices is a form of love all by itself. To make sacrifices is a choice one makes from deep inside the mind and the mental part of their heart.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Wilkister Inzai Avagalwa »

With or without the context the quote retains its meaning. Where there is true love, most partners feel happy for sacrificing something for their partner.
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Tori_J
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Tori_J »

I would start by saying I completely agree with the statement. If I told someone this out of context, I think they would agree too. I mean, why sacrifice if you're doing so begrudgingly? That's not true love. If you're sacrificing begrudgingly then you're probably trying to impress. True love does not try to impress. True love is pure.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Tara D Morgan »

I think it is necessary to read the book to find out what this sentence means. I do not believe anything would need to be sacrificed for true love. If one or both of the people in the relationship need to sacrifice something, I do not feel it is true love. True love means you are 100% content in your relationship, and to have to sacrifice something would eventually become a hardship which will surely affect the relationship long term!
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Julie Gebrosky »

Yes, I believe that this message retains its meaning. If you have true love for someone, you are cheerfully willing to do whatever you can for that person. It’s not that you’re required to give up your own goals, dreams, ambitions, or happiness. It’s that your goals, dreams, and ambitions shift to showing love for that person if that makes sense.
Aditi Mehta 1
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Aditi Mehta 1 »

If sacrificing your happiness for someone else makes you happy then we cannot say it's not true love. Our parents do that all the time and they're happy to sacrifice a lot of things for their children.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Tara D Morgan »

Aditi Mehta 1 wrote: January 30th, 2023, 4:58 am If sacrificing your happiness for someone else makes you happy then we cannot say it's not true love. Our parents do that all the time and they're happy to sacrifice a lot of things for their children.
I agree we all go without a lot of things in order for our children to have things, but can this be classed as sacrificing happiness? Surely whatever you do for anyone you love you do gladly so the word 'sacrifice' is obsolete. Any time I have gone without I have done it with pleasure and have got happiness from doing this for someone I love.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Aditi Mehta 1 wrote: January 30th, 2023, 4:58 am If sacrificing your happiness for someone else makes you happy [...]
That's a contradiction. You cannot sacrifice X for X.
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"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Clara Alston wrote: January 27th, 2023, 10:22 pm I have mixed feelings about this quote. I have personally felt the ease and intense desire to sacrifice for those I love. At the same time, I do not believe sacrifice should be expected in relationships. It does lead to resentment, which I also have felt many times. It can be an interesting dance that occurs where both spirits work to escape their ego and defer to the other while still taking care of themselves.
Interesting. Do you think it retains its meaning when quoted out of context, versus when read in the book (i.e. after reading every other sentence in the book that precedes it in the order they are written)?

Out of the context of the book, it seems to me many people (perhaps even most people) interpret it in the context of romantic relationships between two humans, such as in a marriage.

But, in the book, in context, it is used much more in reference to others in time (i.e. one's so-called past and future selves), namely the older version of the human you see in the mirror.

So, for then reasons above, I am doubtful it retains its true fully meaning out of context. What do you think? Does it retain its meaning out of context?
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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hsimone
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by hsimone »

I do agree with this statement. If we are truly in love with our partners and/or people in our lives, then if/when we sacrifice something, then that sacrifice causes happy emotions since we want to show our love and compassion to these important people in our lives. At the same time, there is never a time when our own happiness is sacrificed for another individual.

If an act of sacrifice causes us to be unhappy, then it is time to rethink why that act of sacrifice was performed/done in the first place.
ilze herholdt
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by ilze herholdt »

If you are truly happily in love you will sacrifice for your partner without thinking twice about it. Although to sacrifice, should not be something that is to be expected in relationships.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Leasa Ana Maria »

I believe that even if someone hasn't read the book, the meaning of the quote can be easily understood. As long as we have someone in our life for whom we harbor those kinds of feelings, no matter where we see or hear the quote, we will understand its meaning.
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by trevorlando »

This was one of the great quotes that In it Together brought forward. I feel as though I have heard this same concept before, but it was worded differently. I think the author words it beautifully, and helps readers understand the quote, without having to read the entire book. I think that this quote is important because it describes an equitable way to care and love for another person. When in a relationship whether with another person, or trying to strengthen your relationship with yourself- it is critical to keep a focus on your own happiness, especially when dealing with true love. It may not even seem like a deal, when you are happy to make sacrifices. I know that whenever I have felt this feeling in life, it does not even feel like a sacrifice- it is more of a feeling of doing something rightful and showing care towards others.
Owuamanam Eberechukwu
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Re: Page 174: "True love is not sacrificing your happiness for another; true love is being happy to sacrifice."

Post by Owuamanam Eberechukwu »

Exactly, but it is not always easy to attain. In life, I have never seen anything that is achieved with ease even eating or sleeping.
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