Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Discuss the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes.

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José Cortez
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by José Cortez »

I have learnt, especially after reading this book the importance of inner peace and how our actions affect our peace. Therefore, I cannot take advice from someone who has not achieved inner peace. Most times, the best advice is best given by people who have experienced similar things or have a vast knowledge about that particular concept. Therefore, I agree with you.
Tosin-Le
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Tosin-Le »

For me, it's a two-way something. Unhappy people can offer you advice filled with truths and realities of life considering that they've passed through the ups and downs of life. On the other hand, unhappy people can also offer negative advice to make other people sad like them. Whichever way, we should only accept advice that would not mar us.
Salah bourouba
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Salah bourouba »

That i do agree with. I have an aunt that had so many problems in her marriage and know apparently hates and doesn't trust all men. She tries all the time to give me advice about my marriage. But I always choose not to follow them. Because when u logically think about her advice they are all hateful to men.
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Marlynbir
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Marlynbir »

I disagree with the original statement. It's a "don't judge a book by its cover" situation. Just because someone is obese, it doesn't mean they don't genuinely know what they're talking about. The same with someone financially poor. Unless you know everything about a person, it doesn't seem fair to reject advice. And perhaps someone unhappy knows how to be happy, they just can't find it for themselves. You never know!
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Marlynbir
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Marlynbir »

Tosin-Le wrote: March 6th, 2023, 6:54 am Unhappy people can offer you advice filled with truths and realities of life considering that they've passed through the ups and downs of life.
This was my thinking too. Someone obese, poor, or unhappy can possibly better understand what not to do also.
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Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Jack King 2 wrote: March 5th, 2023, 2:36 pm You can definitely learn from someone else’s mistakes though.
Yes, that's true. :)

It reflects what I wrote in one of my earlier replies in this topic:

Scott wrote: March 3rd, 2023, 4:36 pm Sure, one way to achieve a certain goal is to listen to what people who failed to achieve did and then do the opposite (or at least go of your way to not do what they did).

I wouldn't call that taking their advice. I'd call it learning from their bad example. It's the opposite of using them as a role model. We could call it using them as an anti-role-model.

If you are looking for directions to a place, you can use process of elimination: Learning, one by one, each route that is incorrect. However, if there are plenty of happy people who have successfully gone from where you are to the place to which you want directions, it will be much easiest, quicker, and more effective to ask them.

One role model is worth more than infinite anti-role-models.

We do learn something by learning that a wrong answer is wrong, but one right answer is worth a million known-to-be-wrong answers.

[Emphasis added.]
Since there is plenty of truly happy people who are experts in any given field, there is generally little need to use roundabout ways to learn though.
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Marlynbir wrote: March 6th, 2023, 10:02 pm Just because someone is obese, it doesn't mean they don't genuinely know what they're talking about.
Sure, but even a broken clock is right twice day.

In the Original Post (OP), I never said that the weight loss advice from an obese person is definitely going to be wrong.

When I am looking to get advice, I'm not looking to take advice from someone who is merely not definitely wrong.

If one person gives advice that is 80% reliable, and another person gives advice that is 90% reliable, then I will take the 90% reliable advice.

That is why in the very first paragraph of the OP, I write "in this human form, time, energy, money, and resources are very limited".

I only have time to read a teeny tiny fraction of books that have been written. I can only watch a teeny tiny percentage of lectures. I can only go on a handful of difference exercise or diet plans.

It's not about finding advice that isn't the worst. It's about knowing how to be ultra-selective and pick out the advice that is absolutely most reliable.

All else the same, the fact that someone is themselves morbidly obese is a red flag that their advice is not going to be as reliable to work as someone who is at least as qualified/reliable by all other measures but who also has the qualification of having proved their advice works by putting it into practice themselves. That person's advice is more reliable.
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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Zainab Wasif
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Zainab Wasif »

I partially agree that one must not take advice from unhappy people but it varies with each person and situation. While it’s true that if unhappy people really knew how to be happy, they would not be in their current state but the same people can advise you to avoid the mistakes they made which led to their unhappiness. They might be too tired to fight back or undo things for themselves but they can advise others on what not to do based on their life experiences. Some happy people might not have struggled much and might be happy just because of their luck. They might not offer you any solid advice based on their limited life experiences.
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Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Zainab Wasif wrote: March 13th, 2023, 3:47 am I partially agree that one must not take advice from unhappy people but it varies with each person and situation. While it’s true that if unhappy people really knew how to be happy, they would not be in their current state but the same people can advise you to avoid the mistakes they made which led to their unhappiness.
Hi, Zainab Wasif,

Thank you for your reply! :)

I agree that, for the reason you state, an unhappy person's advice isn't necessarily wrong.

But we aren't looking for advice that isn't the worst possible advice ever. That would be like choosing a book to read based on it not being the worst book ever, or choosing to read a book because you expect it to be no worse than mediocre.

There's a very, very important reason that the first line of the Original Post (OP) includes the words, "in this human form, time, energy, money, and resources are very limited."

We can only read so few of the books out there to read. We can only take advice and/or test out advice from so few people out there that are giving advice.

We cannot afford to take advice that is merely decently reliable if there is even more reliable advice out there.

There are so many highly qualified happy people offering advice about any given thing. You don't have enough time to take advice from all the happy people and the unhappy people. You don't have time to take advice from both (1) the super reliable and (2) the merely decently reliable. Good is not good enough in this case, because time, money, resources, and energy are all so limited.

For example, in a human lifetime you can only at most test out a handful of different diet and exercise plans. There's millions of fitness books out there and millions of people offering fitness and diet advice. There's millions of different exercise and diet plans. The weight loss advice from a morbidly obese person might not be the least reliable of all the millions of options out there, and it might not be wrong, but there are too many more reliable options out there to settle for one that has that red flag. It's much more reliable to instead take advice from someone who has all the same qualifications but also has proven their advice works by putting it into practice themselves using themselves as a test subject and case example to show their advice works.
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
Ms Chet
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Ms Chet »

Oh well, I think I should complete the sentence, "Don't take any advice from unhappy people"....if you want to be happy.
Some people may be seeking advice not because they want to be happy. They are probably looking for a way to stir violence.
However, I completely agree with the quote. Why look for better, if best is available.
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Kendal Low
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Kendal Low »

I completely agree! Recently I've been working towards becoming happier and confident in myself, and in trying to do this I have learned that inner peace is completely real and incredibly sought after. I hope more people are able to try better themselves and achieve this feeling.
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ahassan_96
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by ahassan_96 »

Bertha Jackson wrote: January 25th, 2023, 3:02 pm I think it depends on why the person is unhappy. If a person is unhappy because their loved one has died or left them, and they give me advice for the same reason, I may listen to them. Many people tried to advise me when my husband died, but they had never experienced what I was going through, so I did not listen to them. However, I had unhappy people, who had recently gone through the same experience, and I tended to listen to what they had to say more closely than the others.
For me, I would say it's all about individuality. How we perceive ourselves and, in turn, how others perceive us. People may be unhappy for whatever reasons, but that doesn’t always mean they exist in that state. Unhappiness is something that has a temporal nature. Therefore, it is determined by numerous outcomes that only exist within a particular period. By not taking advice from unhappy people is simply excluding yourself from the emotional aspect from a humanistic approach. It all has to do with the individual’s character and if they resonate with a situation both of you are familiar with. Sharing experiences acknowledges the ability for two individuals to interact in the most unique and profound manner. As a result, it is through such efforts that we find how meaningful a particular advice can be. Thus, we ask ourselves, "Is it worth it?”
Precious Anavheoba
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Precious Anavheoba »

It is only reasonable to follow a happy person's advice if you want to be happy too, and to ignore an unhappy person's advice if you don't want to be unhappy. An unhappy person's advice will only become happy if they've learnt to cross from unhappiness to happiness and this will make their advice less worthless to a happy person or a person seeking happiness.
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Nicholas Bush
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Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Nicholas Bush »

To me, i would say it depends on the advice. For the fact that someone is unhappy dosent make the person bad in wvery arear. For example, an unhappy person can be very good in academics or something else.
Nisha DSouza
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In It Together review: https://forums.onlinebookclub.org/viewt ... p?t=503446

Re: Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

Post by Nisha DSouza »

I find this topic quite interesting. I had never given any thought to this, but now that I think of it, I was subconsciously following this to an extent. I have always had a positive attitude toward life. Even when times were tough, I would try to see the good in that situation and try and keep negative emotions out. So, when I came across anyone around me, who is typically unhappy for whatever reason, I could feel my heart and mind withdrawing from that conversation. Now, I would clearly state that I'm not talking about people grieving due to the loss of someone close to them, but I'm talking about people who are generally unhappy about everything in their life.

So, I agree with Scott's point here. How would it help if you take advice from someone; who has been unable to practice happiness or to be at peace with themselves? If their advice was indeed helpful, wouldn't their happiness prove it? And if their advice brings you lots of success and financial gain but eventually leads you to a path of unhappiness, then would it really be good advice?
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