Don't take any advice from unhappy people.

[Hubre De Klerk]

Have you ever realized that by being around people who constantly swear, even though you don't really swear, you start doing it without even realizing. Same if you are an overall happy person, if those around you are constantly negative, this definitely starts affecting you as well and you start being more negative that happy and positive. Due to this, I agree with this statement of yours.

[Knitkat]

I think those are valid points. If those who are unhappy had valid advice then it would follow that they shouldn't be as unhappy as they are. I think that it's important to understand where advice is coming from and who it is coming from before following it or even really considering it.

[Pauline Parnell]

I agree with the concept in theory, however I disagree since unhappy people can offer guidance on their own misery. They can assist in guiding someone away from the suffering they have personally experienced. Even though they could not save themselves, they can still help others by sharing their experience.

[Pauline Parnell]

I understand the statement, however I do disagree as unhappy people can give advice about unhappiness. They can help steer someone away from the misery they have encountered themselves. Even though they were not able to save themselves, others can benefit from their experience.

[AvishaJain_13]

It is true that one should not take advice from unhappy people, but I think that the term 'unhappy' is highly subjective. A person could be in a disturbed state of mind one day and could be preaching acceptance the next. So I believe that advice should always be taken only from those you know and trust to be of sound and sensible mind, regardless of unhappiness.

[Sheilaread]

I disagree with this actually. While the overall idea of what you're saying makes sense, it's too generalized. What if a morbidly obese person is that way because of a chronic disease, but actually is a master of nutrition? What if someone is financially struggling because of their family situation or because they're having to pay for extra healthcare, but learns to navigate their situation and still survive?

People who have diagnosed depression are often more intelligent. Plenty of people are unhappy because they simply know too much about the world. I find myself feeling unhappy at times, I wouldn't consider myself an unhappy person, but being unhappy does not make me any less adept at giving advice.

Thank you so much for this. I came here to say the very same type of thing!
We need to listen to what has made these people the way they are at the moment and see what positive learning gems we can gain from them.

Thank you for your reply

[Sheilaread]

Thank you for this topic.

I feel everyone deserves to be heard about what has made them be where they are right now. They may have some great advice on how to not get into the place they are in or ideas on how we can reverse life patterns to be happier, live healthier and be a more version of ourselves.

Yes, it’s always great to listen to the upbeat, positive people. They can lead you to be happy and feeling good about the choices you are making, but those people may not have the life experiences the other people have had.

If you start listening to unhappy, unhealthy and unsure people and see their advise will not serve you in a good way, then yes, you don’t want to listen to their help and advise any longer.

These choices are sometimes very hard to make.

[Scott]

by being around people who constantly swear, even though you don't really swear, you start doing it without even realizing. Same if you are an overall happy person, if those around you are constantly negative, this definitely starts affecting you as well and you start being more negative that happy and positive.

Very well said!

I agree.

[Scott]

unhappy people can offer guidance on their own misery. They can assist in guiding someone away from the suffering they have personally experienced. Even though they could not save themselves, they can still help others by sharing their experience.

I agree that following an unhappy person's advice could possibly cause the follower to be or remain happy, in the same way that someone who didn't go to medical school could possibly perform a successful heart surgery on you if you need heart surgery, and it could work and could go okay.

It could, but it might not.

It definitely is not the most reliable option available to you.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

The question isn't whether they always provide incorrect advice.

A very obese person's weight loss advice could be sound, but it might not be. You cannot take everyone's advice. Time is very limited. You have to say no to almost every single potential advisor. We aren't looking for someone who might be right, or who isn't always wrong.

There is no shortage of non-obese people offering weight loss advice, so among the other qualifications I'd look for that is also a deal-breaker for me.

Likewise, there is no shortage of highly qualified happy people giving advice in any field, so I will not ever take advice from unhappy people about anything.

It doesn't mean the unhappy people are always giving incorrect advice, but it is a blemish on their résumé that makes their advice less reliable, compared to someone who is equally qualified by all other measures but who also the extra qualification of having proved their advice works by using it on themselves. There are too many other much more credible and reliable advisors out there to spend my very limited time and energy testing out the less reliable ones instead of the more reliable one.

[Scott]

I love and respect all people. However, in this human form, time, energy, money, and resources are very limited, so...

I don't take weight loss advice from morbidly obese people.

I don't take financial advice from financially poor people.

And I don't take any advice from unhappy people.


By unhappy people, I mean those who lack what I call "inner peace", meaning the consistent contentment of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

Some people might call it "nirvana" or "the consistent joy of enlightenment". Some might just call it "true happiness".


[Emphasis added.]

It is true that one should not take advice from unhappy people, but I think that the term 'unhappy' is highly subjective.

I agree.

However, as explained in the OP, in this particular topic I am using the word 'happiness' as short-hand for what would more often be called true happiness by most people, and what I would typically call "inner peace", meaning the consistent contentment of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

So, for example, in this sense of the words (i.e. in terms of "true happiness", a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana"), I would not consider a heroin addict who just shot up to be a happy person, despite them being on a high and likely having a fleeting smile at the moment.

Likewise, in terms of that 'true happiness' (a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana"), I might consider Gandhi when he was in the middle of a 21-day hunger strike to be a happy person even while experiencing severe hunger pain.

In terms of that 'true happiness' (a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana"), I might consider Martin Luther King to have been a happy person while he sat in an uncomfortable jail cell any 1 of the 29 times he was arrested.

Generally, that kind of 'true happiness' (a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana") does not change from day to day, and it is not affected by the yin-yang-balanced ups and downs of everyday life, particularly the kind of fickle yin-yang sensual qualities balanced out to net zeros by sensory adaptation (e.g. comfort vs discomfort, sensual pleasure vs pain, fleeting emotional highs vs fleeting emotional lows, etc.).

Of course, one can choose the advisors and role models based on the kind of 'happiness' one wants. If one thinks of the high of a heroin addict as true happiness, then I suggest one seek out heroin addicts for advice to get that kind of 'true happiness'. But personally I don't think of that as true happiness (i.e. the inner peace of spiritual freedom) but actually quite the opposite. As explained in the book, addition is the epitome of spiritual slavery or imprisonment, meaning the opposite of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

In contrast to the previous example. if one thinks of what I call spiritual freedom and inner peace as true happiness as I do, then I suggest that person finds someone who has consistent inner peace from whom to take advice, and more importantly I suggest that person never ever take advice from someone who does not have that consistent inner peace day-in and day-out, both on rainy and sunny days, both in jail and when set free, both while drinking with buddies and while having a hangover the next day, both while working long hours at a grueling paying job and while cashing the check and getting the money.

[AvishaJain_13]

I love and respect all people. However, in this human form, time, energy, money, and resources are very limited, so...

I don't take weight loss advice from morbidly obese people.

I don't take financial advice from financially poor people.

And I don't take any advice from unhappy people.


By unhappy people, I mean those who lack what I call "inner peace", meaning the consistent contentment of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

Some people might call it "nirvana" or "the consistent joy of enlightenment". Some might just call it "true happiness".


[Emphasis added.]

It is true that one should not take advice from unhappy people, but I think that the term 'unhappy' is highly subjective.

I agree.

However, as explained in the OP, in this particular topic I am using the word 'happiness' as short-hand for what would more often be called true happiness by most people, and what I would typically call "inner peace", meaning the consistent contentment of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

So, for example, in this sense of the words (i.e. in terms of "true happiness", a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana"), I would not consider a heroin addict who just shot up to be a happy person, despite them being on a high and likely having a fleeting smile at the moment.

Likewise, in terms of that 'true happiness' (a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana"), I might consider Gandhi when he was in the middle of a 21-day hunger strike to be a happy person even while experiencing severe hunger pain.

In terms of that 'true happiness' (a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana"), I might consider Martin Luther King to have been a happy person while he sat in an uncomfortable jail cell any 1 of the 29 times he was arrested.

Generally, that kind of 'true happiness' (a.k.a. "inner peace" or "nirvana") does not change from day to day, and it is not affected by the yin-yang-balanced ups and downs of everyday life, particularly the kind of fickle yin-yang sensual qualities balanced out to net zeros by sensory adaptation (e.g. comfort vs discomfort, sensual pleasure vs pain, fleeting emotional highs vs fleeting emotional lows, etc.).

Of course, one can choose the advisors and role models based on the kind of 'happiness' one wants. If one thinks of the high of a heroin addict as true happiness, then I suggest one seek out heroin addicts for advice to get that kind of 'true happiness'. But personally I don't think of that as true happiness (i.e. the inner peace of spiritual freedom) but actually quite the opposite. As explained in the book, addition is the epitome of spiritual slavery or imprisonment, meaning the opposite of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

In contrast to the previous example. if one thinks of what I call spiritual freedom and inner peace as true happiness as I do, then I suggest that person finds someone who has consistent inner peace from whom to take advice, and more importantly I suggest that person never ever take advice from someone who does not have that consistent inner peace day-in and day-out, both on rainy and sunny days, both in jail and when set free, both while drinking with buddies and while having a hangover the next day, both while working long hours at a grueling paying job and while cashing the check and getting the money.

That is very true, thank you for that perspective. This might be a childish example but this reminded me of Dumbledore from Harry Potter whom when I was a child, I considered to be the calmest and wisest fictional character ever. I remember feeling that if I ever needed help in life, someone like that would be my go to person. Therefore, I now see what you meant by not taking advice from an unhappy person.

[Tori_J]

I agree with you on thIs one. If a person couldn't have taken their own advice, then why should you? Two things could have happened. It's either they know nothing about what they are saying or they are telling you something which they tried and it failed.

[Leasa Ana Maria]

There is a saying that you should surround yourself with people who have the tools and advice to accomplish the things you want to accomplish, or something like that. So why would I surround myself with or take advice from those who clearly lack any understanding of the aspect in which I am interested?

[trevorlando]

Why would you take advice from unhappy people? This logic makes no sense really, considering how you would not want to take financial advise from a crook or an individual who is severely in debt. If you want advice on life, make sure to speak to someone who is content with their lives and has perspective on being happy, not someone who is stuck in their own ways and only has experience being unhappy.

[Shondranika Ford]

Very well said. It’s like Hughes said, “We can’t help starving children because we can’t help ourselves.” Misery loves company - to increase misery in most cases.