Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here.

[Catalina Isabel]

Hi, Catalina Isabel,

Thank you for your questions!

However, I haven't been able to write a book or even get close to it (not even a chapter).

Have you not been able to, or have you chosen not to?

Excuse the absurdly morbid example, but, just for the sake of argument, if someone put a gun to your head, and ordered you to write a fiction novel right now, would you be able to?

Again, sorry for the question, I just want to understand if this is a matter of ability or choice.

In my book, In It Together, I wrote, "An imaginary roadblock can be as effective as a real one." (Page 120)

Many times we tell ourselves that we must do things that we can choose to not do, and many times we tell ourselves that we cannot do things we could choose to do. Of course, such beliefs can be self-fulfilling, but, even then, usually the only thing really stopping you is the belief that you can't.

Do you have any tips to write a book? Or to start brainstorming ideas? Or do you just start writing?

For me, I've never really had the issue of wanting to write a book but not having an idea for one. In fact, if anything the opposite is the case: I've probably thought up hundreds if not thousands of different ideas for books, but I just don't have the time to do them all nor the desire to do more than a few. So it's not the case that I wanted to write a book or two but had not idea for one; Rather, I had many ideas for books and had to pick which ones to do versus to not do.

Also, how do you know it's the right "time" in your life to write it?

What do you mean by "right time"? As you sue the terms, what would be the difference between it being the "right time" to do something versus the "wrong time"?

For example, what would be the difference between me eating an apple at the "right time" versus the "wrong time"? Or what would be the difference between me taking my kids bowling at that "right time" versus the "wrong time"?

Can you physically do something at the "wrong time"? If so, what does it mean (as you the terms) to do something at the wrong time? Is it possible to provide me a couple examples of some things you've done at the "wrong time" and why in what sense exactly it was the "wrong time" to have done those things?


I look forward to getting your answers to my questions and then hopefully providing some helpful tips once I understand your situation, desires, and questions more clearly and fully.


Thank you,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

Hi Scott,

Thanks for your prompt response! You have given me a lot to think about.

Sorry, I am not the best at using the quotes separately for each question yet, so I will try to answer the questions in order instead.

1. I think I would be able to write a fiction novel right now if my life dependent on it, definitely. I write multiple things every day, my phone is full of "notes" and "ideas" - I just haven't made the time to actually put all my ideas together, prioritize etc.

2. Regarding your note "Rather, I had many ideas for books and had to pick which ones to do versus to not do." This absolutely resonates with me. I've thought up fiction ideas, self help, parenting books, psychology.. My main road block is time, or lack of time. At the moment, I spend my limited time (up to 2 hours at night once kids are asleep) reading, engaging in the OBC communiy, watching my favourite shows, and sometimes writing a bit. The rest of my week is full time work, and children/family/social time. When I am with the kids or my husband in the weekend, I am fully present. Same thing when I am at work. So, to do this I understand I need to really want to, and also make the time.

As a follow up question; Do you have any tips for finding which of your ideas for books were the ideas you would actually focus on and pursue to writing a book about?

3. Regarding the "right time" meant more in general, e.g.: for me the right time may be when I have "more time" or take a holiday for 2 weeks just to write (that would be a dream!). In terms of the "wrong time" I think writing my own story of my life when I was 23 was the right time for me (for myself to read it) but it was the wrong time to try and publish anything. What made it the wrong time back then was 1) things in the book I had not shared with those who may read 2) my inexperience being 23 and vulnerable to scams to get "published" - yes I did lose some money for a deposit that I never got back.
Of course, I learnt from this and will research a lot more when I do choose to release a book in the future.

In terms of eating an apple, or taking kids to bowling - I would say there is no "wrong time"

I hope this clarifies some of my questions.

Thanks in advance for all your help, Scott!

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi, Catalina Isabel,

Thank you for your followup questions!

So, to do this I understand I need to really want to, and also make the time.

I think, summed up with that sentence, you have correctly and wisely answered your own original question, which is perfect.

You can do it, you know how, and so it's just a matter of (1) whether you want to do it, and, if you do want to do it, (2) choosing to do it.

As a follow up question; Do you have any tips for finding which of your ideas for books were the ideas you would actually focus on and pursue to writing a book about?

With most of my books, those ideas just happened be the ones that captured my attention. I didn't usually set out to write a book, but instead was working on an idea or writing something and get caught up in it and kept going. I think that can be a decent vetting system, since if the idea or plot or topics capture the writers attention it will also be more likely to capture the readers attention similarly.

With In It Together, I actually created a Kickstarter first. Over a thousand people bought that book before I had even written it, and I likely wouldn't have written it otherwise. In other words, I used the Kickstarter to determine if there was enough interest in it to warrant investing my time in creating that book.

I don't think that would work as well for an author to judge between different ideas, since you could really only do one at a time, so you wouldn't be able to A/B test your ideas. However, maybe we can come up with a system at OnlineBookClub in which authors or prospective authors could share their book ideas for potential readers to vote on and/or support financially similar to Kickstarter.

Overall, however, I think my recommendation would mostly be to write that you want to write the most, meaning whichever one you will enjoy writing the most, or would be most tempting for to write. That is especially if you are struggling to invest the time into one idea to write a whole book despite having many ideas; then it would be that much more helpful for you to take the path of least resistance and write the one that will interest you most while writing such that you are more prone to sticking with it until the book is done.

In terms of eating an apple, or taking kids to bowling - I would say there is no "wrong time"

I tend to agree, but for the same reasons I would tend to argue that likewise there is no 'wrong time' to write a book (or not write one).

As I say in the book, whatever you choose to do becomes right--meaning it becomes true and becomes revealed an inexorable part of timeless reality--because you choose to do it.

For those whose might struggle with practicing radical empowering acceptance (i.e. fully and unconditionally accepting what you cannot control) and thereby achieving consistent invincible inner peace, I would suggest avoiding the concept of things happening--at least in the sense of unchosen things, and instead replace the idea of something happening with the idea of something becoming revealed. There is only (1) what you choose to make happen and (2) what is revealed as fated and pre-existing all along. The former reflects what you control (if anything), and the latter reflects what you don't.

The deeper and more complex philosophical basis for that is the unreality of time and thus the timelessness of true fundamental reality. However, in short, it simply means that often the wiser, more accurate, and more spiritually peaceful path is the one in which you treat uncontrollable aspects of 'the future' as being as already existing and unchangeable as 'the past'.

In even shorter and somewhat poetic words, insofar as there is any meaning in saying an event is right or wrong (which strictly speaking there generally isn't, since events aren't logic-based verbal propositions), then I feel it is clearly necessarily true that everything that happens is right, and everything always happens at exactly the right time. Nothing wrong happens, and nothing ever happens at the wrong time.

For more on my firm belief that 'nothing wrong happens', you can also check out this other topic of mine:

- What the word "evil" means to me, and why I believe evil (as I use the term) does not exist.

3. Regarding the "right time" meant more in general, e.g.: for me the right time may be when I have "more time" or take a holiday for 2 weeks just to write (that would be a dream!). In terms of the "wrong time" I think writing my own story of my life when I was 23 was the right time for me (for myself to read it) but it was the wrong time to try and publish anything. What made it the wrong time back then was 1) things in the book I had not shared with those who may read 2) my inexperience being 23 and vulnerable to scams to get "published" - yes I did lose some money for a deposit that I never got back.
Of course, I learnt from this and will research a lot more when I do choose to release a book in the future.

If you do write and successfully publish a book in the near-future, it's likely that you wouldn't have been able to do so if you hadn't had those learning experiences. So you can be very grateful that 23-year-old went through that so that you can have the knowledge and capacity that you have now. In that way, it did happen at the right time, and, even more, it's good that it happened. Those learning experiences happened at the right time: back when you were 23, not tomorrow. Now you don't need to learn those lessons and can move to the next step.

While having a 2-week holiday alone just to write could be helpful or nice, it's likely it could turn out the opposite. Your family and friends could bend over backwards to help make it happen for you, possibly straining your relationships in various ways, for you to go on a vacation that would likely cost a decent amount money both in direct price and lost wages. Then you could have writer's block for 2 weeks while sit alone feeling sad and guilty on vacation. I'm not saying that would happen, but incidentally that is what tends to cause things like writer's block (or inability to sleep at night as an analogous example). If you lay down in bed at night and try really really so hard to exert your concentration on falling asleep, it almost certainly won't happen. Often, the same things goes for creative work like writing. Putting that much pressure or expectation on yourself to write for 2-weeks straight would be the kind of the thing that would cause a 2-week bout of writer's block. I'm not saying that would happen, and I'm not saying don't do it. Instead, I'm giving that particular hypothetical as an example to help break any false idolization of an impossible or far away imagined future.

Often, the idolization of some future state as being the righter time to do something is a way to excuse ourselves from not doing that thing in the present. And, it creates a often unstated but nonetheless misleading and false dichotomy that one's own mind can use to deceive oneself: The mind can falsely and deceivingly make it out as if you must choose between doing the thing (e.g. writing a book) at an allegedly ideal future spot (e.g. a 2-week vacation) versus doing it now. But you don't have to choose. If one day you also get to go on a writing-dedicated 2-week vacation, great, but you don't need to think much about that now, and it doesn't need to have any effect on your choice to commit to writing your book now.

I'm reminded of this tweet in which I wrote, in part, "Whether it's money, business, physical fitness or whatever, I've met a lot of people who say they are 'going to start' tomorrow, but very few who actually started yesterday and are sticking to it today."

You've already said that you can write the book now, if you want to and choose to. You said yourself, if someone put a gun to your head and ordered you to do it, you could and would write a book now.

It's your choice, and neither choice is wrong.

Please don't take this post as me encouraging you to write a book at all, let alone start writing one today.

Instead, I am encouraging you to (1) fully acknowledge that it's your choice, (2) make that choice one way or other, and (3) be at accepting happy peace with that choice.

For you it's writing a book or not. For another person, it might be whether to drink wine with friends regularly or quit alcohol entirely. For another person, it might be whether to go on an international tour with their up-and-coming band that just landed a big deal with a recording studio or quit the band and stay home with their family. There's literally billions of these kind of choices going on right now, and what's best for one person is not best for another. When it comes to those kind of choices, I don't make recommendations one way or the other.

What I would tend to recommend against is for someone to choose one thing while simultaneously making oneself miserable by in some way claiming to themself or convincing themself that they actually want the other thing and that they are spiritually trapped, spiritually imprisoned, or spiritually enslaved somehow.

It's simply a matter of what you choose, and, as my book points out, when it comes to your choices, you always get exactly what you want.

If it's an issue of alleged available time, then you can start small. You could put simply 30 minutes per day to writing, which is only 3.5 hours per week (out of 168 hours in a week). Sometimes people fail to ever really start because they plan to start to big. For example, someone who has spent exactly 0 minutes exercising the last year might suddenly decide they want to go to the gym for 2 hours every day. I'd bet on that person failing to stick with that extreme change.

It's easier to build a new habit if you start smaller. For example, if one struggles to build a habit of flossing their teeth every day, I'd suggest starting by flossing one tooth every day, which takes just a few seconds. It takes about three weeks to build a habit, and many times that first step, namely that first micro-habit, is actually the hardest. It will tend to be easier to go from flossing 1 tooth to flossing all of them then to go from flossing 0 to flossing just 1 tooth.

For someone who typically spends 0 minutes per day writing (or 0 minutes exercising or 0 minutes working on their business idea or 0 minutes working on whatever their unique goal is), it can be hardest to go from 0 minutes per day to just 5 minutes per day. But, if the person can build that habit of doing it for just 5 minutes per day for three weeks, then it will often be easier to go from 5 minutes per day to 30 per day then it was to go from 0 to 5.

If 30 minutes per day is too much for you to start, then start at 15 minutes, or even less. Come up with a number for you that errs on the side of being slightly too easy, and then stick it with every day for three weeks. That's my suggestion.

Even if it's just a matter of building the habit of sitting down at your writing desk with a coffee and closing the door, turning on your computer, and then turning it right back off without writing a word, which all in all might take 5 minutes, there is a huge benefit in building the habit of doing that every day, preferably earlier in the day if possible. Even if you don't actually write a single word, there would be huge benefit in building that habit of doing that every day: just taking the 5 minutes to prepare to write as if you were. You can literally call it your daily writing exercise.

After a few weeks, you will start to feel like it's an addiction of its own. You'll not only do it easily and mindlessly but if something gets in the way you'll freak out a bit inside.

For example, I workout in the gym every single day. And, if for reason I don't or can't, it really freaks me out inside. I feel like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory when someone sits in his spot, because the habit I chose to build has become so ingrained.

It's so easy to grow the habit once you've build it--even just at a 5-minutes-per-day level--that I recommend you literally watch out for it becoming an addiction. When I first built the habit of working out everyday it took a lot of willpower and motivation. Now, if willpower is needed it's to stop myself from overdoing it. I literally set a timer when I workout in the gym to tell me when to stop (after 40 minutes); otherwise I'd go too long and workout for well over an hour. The timer I set isn't so I can make sure to workout enough; it's so I won't workout too much. That's how strong and addictive the power of simple daily habits are.


I hope these tips and idea have been helpful! Please do ask me any additional questions you have about this or anything at any time.


Thank you,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

[Catalina Isabel]

Hi, Catalina Isabel,

Thank you for your followup questions!

So, to do this I understand I need to really want to, and also make the time.

I think, summed up with that sentence, you have correctly and wisely answered your own original question, which is perfect.

You can do it, you know how, and so it's just a matter of (1) whether you want to do it, and, if you do want to do it, (2) choosing to do it.

As a follow up question; Do you have any tips for finding which of your ideas for books were the ideas you would actually focus on and pursue to writing a book about?

With most of my books, those ideas just happened be the ones that captured my attention. I didn't usually set out to write a book, but instead was working on an idea or writing something and get caught up in it and kept going. I think that can be a decent vetting system, since if the idea or plot or topics capture the writers attention it will also be more likely to capture the readers attention similarly.

With In It Together, I actually created a Kickstarter first. Over a thousand people bought that book before I had even written it, and I likely wouldn't have written it otherwise. In other words, I used the Kickstarter to determine if there was enough interest in it to warrant investing my time in creating that book.

I don't think that would work as well for an author to judge between different ideas, since you could really only do one at a time, so you wouldn't be able to A/B test your ideas. However, maybe we can come up with a system at OnlineBookClub in which authors or prospective authors could share their book ideas for potential readers to vote on and/or support financially similar to Kickstarter.

Overall, however, I think my recommendation would mostly be to write that you want to write the most, meaning whichever one you will enjoy writing the most, or would be most tempting for to write. That is especially if you are struggling to invest the time into one idea to write a whole book despite having many ideas; then it would be that much more helpful for you to take the path of least resistance and write the one that will interest you most while writing such that you are more prone to sticking with it until the book is done.

In terms of eating an apple, or taking kids to bowling - I would say there is no "wrong time"

I tend to agree, but for the same reasons I would tend to argue that likewise there is no 'wrong time' to write a book (or not write one).

As I say in the book, whatever you choose to do becomes right--meaning it becomes true and becomes revealed an inexorable part of timeless reality--because you choose to do it.

For those whose might struggle with practicing radical empowering acceptance (i.e. fully and unconditionally accepting what you cannot control) and thereby achieving consistent invincible inner peace, I would suggest avoiding the concept of things happening--at least in the sense of unchosen things, and instead replace the idea of something happening with the idea of something becoming revealed. There is only (1) what you choose to make happen and (2) what is revealed as fated and pre-existing all along. The former reflects what you control (if anything), and the latter reflects what you don't.

The deeper and more complex philosophical basis for that is the unreality of time and thus the timelessness of true fundamental reality. However, in short, it simply means that often the wiser, more accurate, and more spiritually peaceful path is the one in which you treat uncontrollable aspects of 'the future' as being as already existing and unchangeable as 'the past'.

In even shorter and somewhat poetic words, insofar as there is any meaning in saying an event is right or wrong (which strictly speaking there generally isn't, since events aren't logic-based verbal propositions), then I feel it is clearly necessarily true that everything that happens is right, and everything always happens at exactly the right time. Nothing wrong happens, and nothing ever happens at the wrong time.

For more on my firm belief that 'nothing wrong happens', you can also check out this other topic of mine:

- What the word "evil" means to me, and why I believe evil (as I use the term) does not exist.

3. Regarding the "right time" meant more in general, e.g.: for me the right time may be when I have "more time" or take a holiday for 2 weeks just to write (that would be a dream!). In terms of the "wrong time" I think writing my own story of my life when I was 23 was the right time for me (for myself to read it) but it was the wrong time to try and publish anything. What made it the wrong time back then was 1) things in the book I had not shared with those who may read 2) my inexperience being 23 and vulnerable to scams to get "published" - yes I did lose some money for a deposit that I never got back.
Of course, I learnt from this and will research a lot more when I do choose to release a book in the future.

If you do write and successfully publish a book in the near-future, it's likely that you wouldn't have been able to do so if you hadn't had those learning experiences. So you can be very grateful that 23-year-old went through that so that you can have the knowledge and capacity that you have now. In that way, it did happen at the right time, and, even more, it's good that it happened. Those learning experiences happened at the right time: back when you were 23, not tomorrow. Now you don't need to learn those lessons and can move to the next step.

While having a 2-week holiday alone just to write could be helpful or nice, it's likely it could turn out the opposite. Your family and friends could bend over backwards to help make it happen for you, possibly straining your relationships in various ways, for you to go on a vacation that would likely cost a decent amount money both in direct price and lost wages. Then you could have writer's block for 2 weeks while sit alone feeling sad and guilty on vacation. I'm not saying that would happen, but incidentally that is what tends to cause things like writer's block (or inability to sleep at night as an analogous example). If you lay down in bed at night and try really really so hard to exert your concentration on falling asleep, it almost certainly won't happen. Often, the same things goes for creative work like writing. Putting that much pressure or expectation on yourself to write for 2-weeks straight would be the kind of the thing that would cause a 2-week bout of writer's block. I'm not saying that would happen, and I'm not saying don't do it. Instead, I'm giving that particular hypothetical as an example to help break any false idolization of an impossible or far away imagined future.

Often, the idolization of some future state as being the righter time to do something is a way to excuse ourselves from not doing that thing in the present. And, it creates a often unstated but nonetheless misleading and false dichotomy that one's own mind can use to deceive oneself: The mind can falsely and deceivingly make it out as if you must choose between doing the thing (e.g. writing a book) at an allegedly ideal future spot (e.g. a 2-week vacation) versus doing it now. But you don't have to choose. If one day you also get to go on a writing-dedicated 2-week vacation, great, but you don't need to think much about that now, and it doesn't need to have any effect on your choice to commit to writing your book now.

I'm reminded of this tweet in which I wrote, in part, "Whether it's money, business, physical fitness or whatever, I've met a lot of people who say they are 'going to start' tomorrow, but very few who actually started yesterday and are sticking to it today."

You've already said that you can write the book now, if you want to and choose to. You said yourself, if someone put a gun to your head and ordered you to do it, you could and would write a book now.

It's your choice, and neither choice is wrong.

Please don't take this post as me encouraging you to write a book at all, let alone start writing one today.

Instead, I am encouraging you to (1) fully acknowledge that it's your choice, (2) make that choice one way or other, and (3) be at accepting happy peace with that choice.

For you it's writing a book or not. For another person, it might be whether to drink wine with friends regularly or quit alcohol entirely. For another person, it might be whether to go on an international tour with their up-and-coming band that just landed a big deal with a recording studio or quit the band and stay home with their family. There's literally billions of these kind of choices going on right now, and what's best for one person is not best for another. When it comes to those kind of choices, I don't make recommendations one way or the other.

What I would tend to recommend against is for someone to choose one thing while simultaneously making oneself miserable by in some way claiming to themself or convincing themself that they actually want the other thing and that they are spiritually trapped, spiritually imprisoned, or spiritually enslaved somehow.

It's simply a matter of what you choose, and, as my book points out, when it comes to your choices, you always get exactly what you want.

If it's an issue of alleged available time, then you can start small. You could put simply 30 minutes per day to writing, which is only 3.5 hours per week (out of 168 hours in a week). Sometimes people fail to ever really start because they plan to start to big. For example, someone who has spent exactly 0 minutes exercising the last year might suddenly decide they want to go to the gym for 2 hours every day. I'd bet on that person failing to stick with that extreme change.

It's easier to build a new habit if you start smaller. For example, if one struggles to build a habit of flossing their teeth every day, I'd suggest starting by flossing one tooth every day, which takes just a few seconds. It takes about three weeks to build a habit, and many times that first step, namely that first micro-habit, is actually the hardest. It will tend to be easier to go from flossing 1 tooth to flossing all of them then to go from flossing 0 to flossing just 1 tooth.

For someone who typically spends 0 minutes per day writing (or 0 minutes exercising or 0 minutes working on their business idea or 0 minutes working on whatever their unique goal is), it can be hardest to go from 0 minutes per day to just 5 minutes per day. But, if the person can build that habit of doing it for just 5 minutes per day for three weeks, then it will often be easier to go from 5 minutes per day to 30 per day then it was to go from 0 to 5.

If 30 minutes per day is too much for you to start, then start at 15 minutes, or even less. Come up with a number for you that errs on the side of being slightly too easy, and then stick it with every day for three weeks. That's my suggestion.

Even if it's just a matter of building the habit of sitting down at your writing desk with a coffee and closing the door, turning on your computer, and then turning it right back off without writing a word, which all in all might take 5 minutes, there is a huge benefit in building the habit of doing that every day, preferably earlier in the day if possible. Even if you don't actually write a single word, there would be huge benefit in building that habit of doing that every day: just taking the 5 minutes to prepare to write as if you were. You can literally call it your daily writing exercise.

After a few weeks, you will start to feel like it's an addiction of its own. You'll not only do it easily and mindlessly but if something gets in the way you'll freak out a bit inside.

For example, I workout in the gym every single day. And, if for reason I don't or can't, it really freaks me out inside. I feel like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory when someone sits in his spot, because the habit I chose to build has become so ingrained.

It's so easy to grow the habit once you've build it--even just at a 5-minutes-per-day level--that I recommend you literally watch out for it becoming an addiction. When I first built the habit of working out everyday it took a lot of willpower and motivation. Now, if willpower is needed it's to stop myself from overdoing it. I literally set a timer when I workout in the gym to tell me when to stop (after 40 minutes); otherwise I'd go too long and workout for well over an hour. The timer I set isn't so I can make sure to workout enough; it's so I won't workout too much. That's how strong and addictive the power of simple daily habits are.


I hope these tips and idea have been helpful! Please do ask me any additional questions you have about this or anything at any time.


Thank you,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

Hi Scott,

This is so helpful, honestly. I am so glad that you have taken the time to write such a detailed reply to my many questions.

I enjoyed hearing your own insights and stories of selling your book before you wrote it. I also think it would be amazing for OBC to support other writers or help with finding which ideas are great ideas. Even a voting system or similar. Or a competition could also be really good. E.g.:submit your book idea and the best sample may get help to publish the first 100 copies? Just thinking out loud here about some ideas.

I also now understand that I have had the answer all along, really. I was just creating my own "mental block" by idealizing the "right time" when it has been the right time all along.

I absolutely have 5 mins each day to spend on writing. I love that you brought that up, and also about building the habit of doing this every day consistently for 3 weeks. I understand that it will build a habit, as I currently have OBC as one of my "habits".

Even just being part of these forums fosters my creativity and my desire to write more. Being in the OBC as a volunteer reviewer ensures I am working on my grammar and wording as I review each book. I am even watching my reviewer score increase the more I do this. It is also so enjoyable to see so many authors publishing books. It is encouraging.

Also, looking back at my 23-year old self, I do thank her for everything she went through to get me to where I am now. So I do actually agree that essentially everything does happen at the right time. Whether my choice, or pre-determined (or a bit of both), everything that happened helps me now.

I just want to thank you again for all that you do, Scott.

I am going to spend 5 mins each day writing and see where that gets me in the next 3 weeks. Starting now - today. Because there is not really a better time

[Fredrick Felix Mnjala Maneno]

First of all, thanks for the opportunity. I'd like to pick your mind on how to get out of debt and staying out of it. I live in Kenya, essentially a third world country, and at times it gets quite tricky meeting day-to-day expenses. With kids in the house at times I need to do things am not comfortable with like getting into debt. What's the best way of remedying this? Thanks again.

[Surabhi Rani]

I want to be a good reviewer. Looking back at my continuous progress in work in the last few years and all the help I have received from you since my first day of work, I have nothing much to ask presently. I simply want to bring to your knowledge that my pace of working as a reviewer is slower, and I feel that I am not on par. I will try to develop the right pace of work with time and effort. I am learning English grammar to improve my vocabulary.

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi, Fredrick Felix Mnjala Maneno,

Thank you for your question!

First of all, thanks for the opportunity. I'd like to pick your mind on how to get out of debt and staying out of it. I live in Kenya, essentially a third world country, and at times it gets quite tricky meeting day-to-day expenses. With kids in the house at times I need to do things [that I] am not comfortable with like getting into debt. What's the best way of remedying this? Thanks again.

First, I would suggest you re-evaluate your statement that you need to get into debt. That seems to contradict the teachings of my book, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All.

Even if to someone looking at you from the outside your hands and body seem to do the same exact thing (e.g. choose to take out a loan and go into debt), you can be living a totally different and happier life on the inside (which then of course does also tend to eventually manifest in the long-term as incredible abundance and noticeable joy to others on the outside).

Whatever X is (e.g. drinking a glass of wine, picking your son up from school, taking out a loan, etc.), it's very different to (1) do X, and while doing it be miserable thinking to oneself, "I am doing X because I have to do X," , versus (2) do X, and while doing it think to oneself simply, calmly, and happily, "I can choose to not do X, but I am choosing to do X".

In both cases you do X, but the two things are still very different. Both cases might seem identical to someone else watching you from the outside, since in both cases you do X, but appearances can be very deceiving. Other people often cannot see if you are experiencing spiritual freedom versus spiritual slavery. Other people can't see your free-spirited happiness and inner peace versus the lack thereof.

My book, In It Together, is the best resource about all that. Nonetheless, for more on those particular ideas, I also suggest you check out these philosophical commentaries of mine:

- The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

- Page 150: "When it comes to your choices, you always get exactly what you want, meaning what you choose."

- I have inner peace [a.k.a. consistent true happiness] because I shamelessly know I do only what I want to do, and I don't ever do what I don't want to do.


***

I'd like to pick your mind on how to get out of debt and staying out of it.

Generally speaking, the best way to stay out of debt is to not go in debt.

For many people, going into debt is like getting fat, in that the mechanics of it are simple. In the USA, polls show that most people who make over $100,000 per year still claim to be "living paycheck to paycheck". Indeed, even with incomes above $100,000 many people go deeply into debt and end up spending most of their income on interest and late fees. If we give an in-debt shopaholic more income, they will just go even further into debt.

I know you aren't in the USA, but in the USA at least, I believe 99 times out of 100, if someone is in debt it's because of their spending habits, and a higher income would only make matters worse for them. That is where the phrase "more money, more problems" offers great wisdom.

Your unique specific situation might be very different, so don't take the rest of this paragraph to be about you instead of what it is about which is the theoretical average human. Regarding the theoretical average human, for most people who claim their financial problem is an income-problem, it's actually a spending problem. On average, the typical human spends like the typical human eats: as much as they physically can, no matter how dangerous or deadly or seemingly foolish, seemingly unhealthy, and seemingly self-destructive. All humans are on the addiction spectrum, and most humans are not even anywhere near the non-addicted end. In terms of their relationship to their future selves, most humans are extremely selfish, which my book refers to as "temporal selfishness". Such selfish humans make choices that profit and please their present self at the expense of their future self.

Debt can often be analogous to a fire that destroys your home, kills your pets, and causes awful extreme devastation. It typically needs only a little spark to start. A little fire begets a bigger fire. A bigger fire begets yet a bigger fire. Many times we make the miscalculation of blaming the fire instead of the spark.

Many people who are in debt would not be in debt if so much of their income wasn't already going to interest payments.

Sometimes, due to special extenuation circumstances, it can be wise to very carefully and hesitantly use debt or fire to do something, but both debt and fire-starting are always extremely dangerous.

When you use debt, you are playing with fire. Generally speaking, I strongly recommend avoiding debt as much as possible, and I strongly advice paying off debt quickly you have it, especially if it is unsecured and/or high interest.

(If the debt is very low interest and is genuinely balanced by and secured by an asset, especially an income-giving asset such as rental property you own and rent out, then that can be looked at more like a pseudo-debt on your balance sheets and is something I would often encourage obtaining and keeping if possible. But that's also something that one only tends to be able to get or have if one is already in a very good position financially. For example, it would tend to be financially wise to take out a very low interest mortgage loan to buy a rental property on which you get paid $2,500 in rent every month and have to pay $2,000 to the bank for the mortgage. You also wouldn't truly be "in debt" or taking on "debt" in that scenario because the value of the house is greater than balance on the mortgage, meaning it is a net positive, i.e. an asset, not a net negative, i.e. a debt.)

For those who are in debt and live in the USA, I absolutely very strongly recommend they read the book Debt Cleanse by one of my personal role models, by Jorge P. Newbery. I am not familiar with the law in Kenya, so I am not positive which methods will be applicable, but I still defiantly think it's worth a read even for those who don't live in the USA.

Regardless, the first steps I would give someone to get out of debt are the same for everyone, regardless of where they live:

1. Make a very detailed personal budget that lists every expense you have.

2. Keep detailed and accurate records of exactly how you spend your money each day, and compare it to your budget.

In other words, you want to start diligently keeping personal records and notes of your personal finances as if you were an accountant and your life was a business. Account for every penny.

Once you have all the info and records, it will tend to become very clear what are the best steps to take to pay off your debts, not go back into debt, and then start saving money and building your net worth.

Those are things with which I can help you one-on-one in my mentoring program, but I will need all that data first anyway, so you will definitely want to start doing it yourself right away. Make a personal budget, and then carefully track your actual spending, making a log for each and every expense as you make it, so you can easily see where your money is going in real time.

From there, these are the next few steps:

3. Trim as much as reasonably possible as you can from your financial budget/spending.

4. Make a time budget, and log your time the same as your spending.

5. Trim as much non-profitable uses of your time as possible from your time budget, so as to be able to sell that time for money.


For example, if someone is spending even one dollar or one minute on alcohol, or TV, or cigarettes, or recreational drugs, just to name a few of countless possible examples, then the answer will be obvious for them.


Many of my statements above are made about the 'average human' which is just a theoretical person who doesn't really exist. If those don't apply to you (e.g. you have already created a detailed budget and trimmed all the wasteful expenses you can from it), then you are already ahead of the vast majority of people. In that case, take pride that you are already a good deal down the path to your dreams, keep going down that path, and please know that I look forward to working with you on your journey.


In any case, I hope my above words have been helpful. Please do let me know if you have any other questions for me at any time, and I will happily do my best to provide you my best and most helpful advice.


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

[007maraai]

I like this image of comparing debt to fire and vice versa.

In my mind I have had to pay off debts, even at times I was earning way less than the breadline. I just kept going, trying to keep my spending less than my daily income, then, save up for a clump at a time, plan for good interest, but pay timeously (of course remembering to communicate with the debt collector that you can only pay a smaller amount at a time.

I get such a rush from the 'freedom'-feeling of getting free of debt - I imagine it is like a rope holding me back, and these people are really angry or something. It is a bad thing to be at the mercy of somebody who ''has their tabs'' on you.

But, of course there is 'good' debt too, like 'white' lies we tell. Functional, but only for good purposes, and after purpose is served (for studies, property acquisition) to be discarded of in the same way and as fast as possible, as normal debt.

I wish everyone a lot of freedom, freedom from the desires that may put one in debt, but also responsible freedom to keep all free.

M

[Robyn F]

How are you able to balance the work and do it efficiently. I really want to know how yo balance your time and accomplish all you do.

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi, Robyn F,

Thank you for your question!

How are you able to balance the work and do it efficiently. I really want to know how yo balance your time and accomplish all you do.

If I had to boil my answer to two words, those two words would probably be intentional laziness.

If I was allowed a few more words, I would also throw in phrases like intentional apathy and choosing your battles.

Similarly, the following social media posts of mine are relevant:

Any time, money, or energy I put towards the 99% of things I care least about, I take away from the 1% I care most about.

I am well accomplished through intentional laziness. I set as few goals as possible, then go full-force at those few goals with all I got.


The idea is addressed most directly and fully in my book, In It Together, in the chapter titled, "Suggestion Ten — Let go of restlessness and overcommitment. Do less, better."

One thing I write in that chapter is this: "Choose your battles, stingily."

You cannot run full-speed in two different directions at once.

I hope my answer is helpful. Please do let me know if you have any follow-up questions now or at any time!


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

[Selena R Romero]

Hi Scott, Hi everyone. I am really surprised at how much I can learn reading comments and replies. Scott this is very beautiful and thank you for being so thoughtful. I would love to read the 10 step plan to promote your book. Is there a way to get an ebook or must it be through Amazon?

Here is my question as regards this topic thread: How best can I lose weight? What is the first thing I should do. I have tried a few things but I have not gotten back to the shape I want. Thank you.

[Mari Inez]

Is there still a philosophy book of the month that gets read? If so where can I find it to participate? Thank you!

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi Scott, Hi everyone. I am really surprised at how much I can learn reading comments and replies. Scott this is very beautiful and thank you for being so thoughtful.

Thank you so much for your kind comments, Selena R Romero!

I would love to read the 10 step plan to promote your book. Is there a way to get an ebook or must it be through Amazon?

I'm not sure exactly what you mean. You can get the ebook through Amazon, so it's not really an either/or thing. In any case, the 10 Step Plan costs $0.99 on Kindle (i.e. ebook), but, if you are in the USA, I would be happy to buy you a copy. Amazon only allows me to buy gift copies for people in the USA for some reason.

What is the first thing I should do.

I encourage you to do your best to avoid using the word 'should' at all, as well as any of the other six misery-inducing words.

I don't believe there is anything you 'should' do. Likewise, I don't believe there is anything you 'should' not do.

For example, I neither believe you 'should' drink coffee tomorrow, nor do I believe you 'should' not drink coffee tomorrow.

The same is true of myself: I don't believe I 'should' drink coffee tomorrow; and I don't believe I 'should' not drink coffee tomorrow.

I have freedom of spirit (a.k.a. self-discipline) because I don't believe I'm bound or enslaved by any kind of 'shoulds' or 'oughts'--things I believe are imaginary phantoms.

Instead, I believe in choice. When it comes to my choices, I always get exactly what I want, meaning what I choose.

For more on that subject, you can see the following forum topic of mine:

I have inner peace because I shamelessly know I do only what I want to do, and I don't ever do what I don't want to do.

Here is my question as regards this topic thread: How best can I lose weight? [...] I have tried a few things but I have not gotten back to the shape I want. Thank you.

Great question!

What qualifies as 'best' could be subjective. For example, two people could give you correct but different directions to the same destination, such as town hall. One route could be scenic with much more beautiful views but take a little longer. Maybe one route has tolls but is quicker. Is that better or worse than the slightly faster route? That's merely subjective opinion.

However, I can give you a route that will absolutely definitely work 100%.

Here is that route:

1. Use a free online tool to measure you estimated maintenance calories at your goal weight.

2. Write down everything you eat before you eat it, including exactly how many calories it contains. To do this, you will also typically need to carefully measure and/or weigh every thing you eat before eating it.

3. Only eat the amount of calories recorded in Step 1 per day.

4. Weigh yourself every day first thing in the morning, after urinating (assuming, like me, you wake up having to pee ), but before eating or drinking anything, and write down the weight.

5. After two weeks of consistently completing steps #3 and #4, measure your progress. If you haven't lost at least 1 lb in the previous two weeks despite sticking to the plan every day for two weeks straight, then (and only then) slightly decrease your daily calories a little bit more. I suggest going in increments of 100 calories. For example, if you ate absolutely no more than 2,000 calories for two weeks, but you didn't lose at least 1 lb in those two weeks, you could then reduce your calories from 2,000 to 1,900.

6. Check in with your results once every two weeks, and if you are not losing at least 0.5 lbs per week, then lower your daily calories by 100 more. For tracking your current weight and measuring your progress by comparing it against your weight from two week prior, I suggest using a rolling 4-day average. That way your results aren't as distorted by random fluctuation and noise. That's one reason (of several) that I suggest weighing yourself every single day despite only checking the progress and making adjustments every two weeks.


Important Notes: The system I have described above would only have you lower your daily calories once every two weeks at most. Moreover, it would only have you do that lowering if you were actually successful in sticking to the calorie figure. Don't cut your calories just because you haven't lost weight in a few days. Likewise, don't cut your goal calories just because you haven't been sticking to your goal calories; that would be dangerous and counter-productive nonsense. That would be like attempting to bench press twice as much weight today because to make up for a missed bench press workout last week; That kind of nonsense could literally kill you. Even if you survive that kind of nonsense, it will hurt your progress.

Keep in mind, the number you come up with in Step #1 above is roughly the maximum number of calories you will eat per day for the rest of your life. In the system I have described to you (and that I use myself), you do not "go on a diet". It is not some temporary crash thing. My system involves permanent lifestyle changes. I never endorse get-rick-quick schemes nor crash diets. They not only don't work, but--even worse--they are almost always counter-productive. People who invest in get-rich-quick schemes usually end up even more broke; people who crash diet usually end up even further away from their fitness goals.



For a rough estimate of how long it will take before you reach your goal weight with my system, please see the following guide:

Level Tables for Goals | Timeframes for achieving your goal via my free mentoring program that guarantees success


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

[Nisha DSouza]

Hi Scott,

I wanted to know, are you a morning person? I'm asking because I have always wanted to be one, but I struggle. No matter how many alarms I keep, I never get up as planned the previous night. And believe me, I plan, I tell myself, I motivate myself; I even strategize new kinds of alarms that require me to get out of bed, scan something or solve complex math problems to disable the alarm. I still sometimes do all of that and go back to sleep. Jokes apart, many times, it leaves me feeling very disappointed with myself because the morning 'me' feels like a totally different and lazy person. I really badly want to wake up early because the few times that I have, it has made me feel great, and I was able to do much more. Sorry for the long buildup, but my question is: Do you have any suggestions on how to have an early start to the day?

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi, Nisha DSouza,

Thank you for your questions!

Hi Scott,

I wanted to know, are you a morning person?

No, I am definitely not a morning person. In fact, I don't usually wake up until after 10am.

Many nights I have pulled an all-nighter working on the computer and not going to sleep until after the sun comes up. When I originally programmed Bookshelves, for instance, I did all it all in one night, overnight. I didn't go to sleep until 11am or so, and I remember because when I woke up I had no idea what day it even was.

I'm a night person.

Well, if 3am or 4am is "morning", then I guess in a way I am a morning person, but only because I am still up at that time from the night before.

I like the morning: It's my favorite time to go to sleep!

One reason I think I developed into a night person and learned to love late nights is that I am a huge introvert. Being up very late at night, namely past midnight, makes it easy to be alone when I want to be alone. Even if I'm leaving home, I'd rather, for example, go grocery shopping at 1am than at a busy time like 5pm. Likewise, I'd rather eat at a restaurant on a Tuesday evening when it's slow versus prime-time on a Saturday when it's packed.

I love attention, I love public speaking, I love salsa dancing, I love sports like boxing, I love when people open up to me and I can hear them speak while looking in their eyes and really listening, I am great at in-person customer service and in-person sales, but despite all of that I am also a huge introvert whose social battery gets exhausted very quickly, and who deeply values and loves and depends on my alone time.

It's like someone who loves running. As much as you might be a runner who loves running, it's exhausting, and you can't do it 16 hours per day straight, or at least it would be miserable and unhealthy to run 16 hours every day.

For me, being in a social situations is like running. I like it in regular planned bursts. A certain amount of it is healthy, and fun, and enjoyable, and get me high. Too much at once feels like death itself encroaching on me.

I love and value my alone time too, and without it dangerous things would happen. In analogy, I like the time I spend resting and recovering from a long hard run too.

For me, I can get that valuable alone time to recharge by staying up late into the wee hours, but someone in a very similar situation could get the same alone time in the wee hours by getting up early. You can stay up to the wee hours or wake up in the wee hours, but either way I love the wee hours.

I don't personally do it, but a great thing about waking up at 4am every day is that the business and social world hasn't started yet, so to speak, giving you precious quiet alone time to do what you want to do instead of having the outer world work so hard to get you to do what it wants you to do.

I'm asking because I have always wanted to be [a morning person], but I struggle. No matter how many alarms I keep, I never get up as planned the previous night. And believe me, I plan, I tell myself, I motivate myself; I even strategize new kinds of alarms that require me to get out of bed, scan something or solve complex math problems to disable the alarm. I still sometimes do all of that and go back to sleep. Jokes apart, many times, it leaves me feeling very disappointed with myself because the morning 'me' feels like a totally different and lazy person. I really badly want to wake up early because the few times that I have, it has made me feel great, and I was able to do much more. Sorry for the long buildup, but my question is: Do you have any suggestions on how to have an early start to the day?

Great question!

My best guess as to the missing piece that is needed to hit your goal is for you to focus on getting to bed earlier so you can wake up early without even needing an alarm. I'm sure you have thought of it, but I suggest treating it as if it is your primary goal even though it's not.

I'm not sure what time is your ideal wake up time, so I'm just going to pretend it's 6am for the sake of example. But wherever I write "6am" below, just replace it in your head with whatever your actual desired wake-up time is.

Here is a question from me to you-- What if you make this your mid-term goal: To wake up consistently before 6am without having to set an alarm because you are so well-rested?

Even, when you get there, I'd suggest setting an alarm for 6:15am as a back up, in case you oversleep. You would be waking up a 6am and turn off the alarm before it even starts.

Once you reach the goal, you will not even have to deal with the horrible, sad, annoying, and disappointing sound of the alarm clock, screaming beep beep beep beep.

Ahh, just thinking about it gives me the frights, and sends a shivers down my back!

Instead, you can wake up naturally at 6am and turn off the alarm before it even starts.

Think of it like paying your electric bill before the due date instead of waiting for the red letters to come in the mail screaming "overdue" at you.

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to just avoid it in the first place.

If you take the advice above, then the new follow-up question for me becomes: How do I reach my goal of waking up at 6am before my 6:15am alarm even goes off?

For that, I have a few tips:

One key is catching up on missed sleep and being well-rested. If you are already terribly sleep deprived with huge tired bags under your eyes, it's not going to happen.

Here is another question from me to you: What would happen if you didn't set an alarm at all for the next week?

That's not rhetorical. My advice for you will be very different if the answer is that you would get fired from your job or your newborn child would literally starve to death while you sleep, versus if the answer is nothing much at all besides you getting extra sleep.

Either way, here's the general structure I'd typically suggest setting:

Goal 1: Catch up on your sleep debt, so that you are not sleep deprived at all, and are very well-rested.

Goal 2: Maintain that well-rested state for at least one week. In other words, go a whole week without setting an alarm, but just waking up naturally and well-rested.

Goal 3: Gradually, fall asleep slightly earlier and earlier each night until you naturally wake up at the time you want (e.g. 6am) without needing an alarm.


I suggest you don't worry about Goal 2 until you have accomplished Goal 1, and I recommend you don't worry about Goal 3 until you have accomplished Goal 2. You can even think of them as a series of "tasks" instead of a series of "goals".

Regardless, I may encourage you to adjust the plan slightly depending on what your answer to the previous question turns out to be, that question being: what would happen if you didn't set an alarm at all for the next week?




With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

[Limpho Mojakisane]

I also have the same problem. I always tell myself that I am going to wake up early but i always wake up after 10am and then I feel bad about it. I try to sleep earlier but I can't, can only sleep after midnight. I also have small kids who never go to bed earlier, I am still trying to get them to sleep earlier. Thank you for being honest about not being a morning person.