The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Discuss the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes.

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Oleabhiele Joseph
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Oleabhiele Joseph »

But seriously, how does “should” makes for a dangerous word? In the book, you were so against the use of the word. Was there any experience that made you swear off the use, or is it just a philosophy thing? Please expatiate on this sir.
Paavni Jain
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Paavni Jain »

These six words carry a weight of obligation, often triggering stress and anxiety. "Must," "have to," and their counterparts impose a sense of external demand, fostering a mindset of compulsion. Shifting language to choices like "want to" or "choose to" empowers individuals, promoting autonomy and reducing the emotional burden. It's a linguistic transformation that reframes tasks as conscious decisions, fostering a more positive and proactive approach. Recognizing the impact of these words on mental well-being encourages a mindful shift towards language that reflects intention rather than imposition, ultimately contributing to a healthier mindset and a more fulfilling life.
Sbitan Mohammad
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Sbitan Mohammad »

Now that you have mentioned this, I feel the pressure induced by these words which make them dangerous. We should avoid them and instead be kind to ourselves.
Seetha E
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Seetha E »

- must
- have to
- need to
- should
- ought
- try

Your book emphasizes how the usage of these misery-inducing words affects our attitude toward any task on hand. I've consciously refrained from using them since reading the book. Thank you for conveying the topic so effectively!
Ika Apro
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Ika Apro »

Those words triggered stress in my body even right now. They tend to hold a lot of responsibility and pressure.
Celestine Apiche
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Celestine Apiche »

These words can indeed carry a sense of obligation and pressure. Shifting language to more empowering choices can positively impact your mindset and motivation.
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Sushan »

Phrases like "must" and "should" can indeed create a mindset that feels more obligated and less empowered, aligning with linguistic studies that emphasize the power of language in our cognitive processes. It's fascinating how changing our narrative can potentially change our perception of reality, akin to the idea of life being more dream-like than we often realize.

The notion of a feedback loop of negativity, where miserable thoughts breed more misery, resonates with cognitive behavioral theories. These theories suggest that our thought patterns can create a self-perpetuating cycle of negative emotions and behaviors. This ties into the idea that free-spirited happiness, rather than external success, should be our goal. It's a perspective that blends philosophical thought with practical psychology, suggesting a more introspective approach to achieving happiness and success.

While the book offers an optimistic view on mind reprogramming and the power of language, it also invites a more nuanced understanding of the complexity of human psychology and the challenges in altering deeply ingrained thought patterns. The blend of philosophical introspection and practical cognitive strategies provides a compelling approach to improving mental well-being and achieving personal success.
“There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers”

– William James
sanjeev maurya
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by sanjeev maurya »

Your book "In It Together" seems to advocate a powerful approach toward reprogramming one's mindset for a more fulfilling and successful life. The emphasis on avoiding certain restrictive words and phrases that often lead to mental entrapment and unhappiness aligns with the idea of taking control of one's thoughts and narratives.

The analogy of destructive words as a fire that consumes happiness and success, starting as a small flame and growing into a consuming force, is a vivid illustration of how negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can spiral into more significant issues. Understanding that our minds construct narratives and perceptions that influence our experiences resonates deeply, echoing the notion that our thoughts shape our reality.

The idea that happiness precedes success, rather than the other way around, is a refreshing perspective. It emphasizes the importance of cultivating a free-spirited, positive mindset that serves as a catalyst for success in various aspects of life, including relationships, career, and personal well-being.

Empowering individuals to recognize that they are not slaves to their thoughts but have the ability to reprogram their minds is incredibly liberating. Your analogy of swapping out parts in a car or reformatting a computer's hard drive aptly describes the process of altering one's thought patterns and mental frameworks.

Ultimately, your message of choice and self-empowerment resonates strongly, highlighting that individuals have the agency to shape their reality by consciously choosing their thoughts and beliefs. It's a powerful call to take control of one's inner dialogue and pave the way for a more fulfilling life.
Carolyne Ochola
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Carolyne Ochola »

The significance of narrative in understanding ourselves and our surroundings is evident. Humans use stories to make sense of experiences, create meaning, and establish connections between disparate events. This narrative-making tendency, prevalent in both wakefulness and dreams, reflects the underlying cognitive processes that shape our perception of reality.
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Reva Parker »

I've heard before there is no try. You either do it or you don't. I've said before that I used to have a printout poster that said I will not should on myself. That does put negative pressure on oneself rather than positive energy to achieve your choice. I still say the words at times, but I'm more aware of it when I say them. I'm getting there.
Leonie Vermaak
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Leonie Vermaak »

This is very true and reading this make me realise it. I think we as people are sometimes to hard on ourselves with a lot of things, which cause self doubt, which then I return make us don't do what we want to, eg: write a book, go to the gym etc.
Kajori Sheryl Paul
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Kajori Sheryl Paul »

"Miserable people tell themselves miserable stories, and miserable stories make people more miserable." - This is one of the universal truths of life.

Thank you for this life lesson.
Jenna Padayachee
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Jenna Padayachee »

Thank you.

I find these mentoring emails very much aligned with my day. They are All so relevant to each day.

Today I was stuck in a bit of a feedback loop due to incidents from yesterday. The effects of this were painful and draining.

I thought of you and your advice as I was in no position to read until now.

This advice is like Ka- ching!!

I did engage my ego, mentally acknowledged it, loved it through this firestorm and I did my best to stay calm ( there were a lot of burns 🔥 scorching me on many levels).

I focused on breath, grace, and calm. I proceeded to do what was in my control, avoiding misery-inducing words and thoughts while progressing with my day.


"The human mind is a narrative-making machine. Waking life is much, much, much more similar to a dream at night than most people realize. What you see--and even the concept of sight itself--is so much more of a figment of your mind's imagination than you probably realize." This is most profound for me today, as there was a course of me driving with my daughter home this afternoon, I wondered about something like this, what differentiates our dream existence from real in terms of experience and connection? Reading this in your message, makes me feel most connected on a conscious level.

I choose my happiness, even when the storms come and I choose to endure it with love and grace and savor the experience for I know that it leads me to where I am now, with all these beautiful tools and guidance as my resources in navigating them with passion, growth, and victory ✌️ ❤️
Mayuri Kotalawala
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by Mayuri Kotalawala »

I have personally experienced this. Therefore I can agree with it. For example I used to wallow in the fact that my siblings were given all the privileges of acquiring their driving licences and getting to drive the family car, where as I wasn't. After I got married, I willed myself, I reprogrammed my mind and now have aquired the driving licence myself(and maybe with a bit of my husband's encouragement).
Getting to drive the family car, not so much. Still working on it!
mrlefty0706
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Re: The Six Dangerous Misery-Inducing Words: "Must", "Have to", "Need to", "Should", "Ought", "Try"

Post by mrlefty0706 »

Scott,

Your advice is great but it took time to avoid slipping back into using some of these terms. I consciously avoid using any of these terms today. These terms are not productive and therefore can easily lead to misery. A person with a positive attitude does not use must, should, ought, need to, have to or try. These are terms that have appeared in do's and don'ts at work or school. Writing the rules for an organization will be much more functional without any of these terms.
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