Philosophy Discussion Forums | A Humans-Only Club for Open-Minded Discussion & Debate

[Stephanie Gail Stephen]

1. Can you give me some specific examples of something that happened that "shouldn't" have happened?
Answer: I don’t think I should have started experimenting with alcohol at such a young age. What makes it worse is that my younger brother was influenced by my actions—he’s only 18 months younger than me. I was 15 when I began drinking, and he was just 13. I truly believe that early exposure had a negative impact on his development, and may have contributed to his struggles with mental illness and schizophrenia today.

2. Can you give me some specific examples of a person or thing that "shouldn't" be the way it is at the time that it is that way?
Answer: I often feel my brother might have had a better chance at mental stability if he hadn't been exposed to alcohol so early. That timing really mattered, and I can't help but wonder what might have been different.

3. Can you give me an example of something that "should" be happening right now (relative to you in your present in spacetime) but isn't?
Answer: It's difficult to say what should be happening now. Sometimes I wonder—if certain things had gone differently back then, would the present look any different? It's a thought that lingers, but there’s no clear answer.

4. In regard to those things or events that allegedly "shouldn't" be the way they were/are, are those things that are within your control (i.e. a matter of your choice)?
Answer: At this point, it is what it is. I can’t go back and change the past, so I take each day as it comes and deal with situations as they arise.

5. Are these things that you can change, or are they things that you cannot change?
Answer: I can’t change my brother or how he copes with his mental health challenges. But I can change how I respond to it, and how I protect my own well-being moving forward.

6. Do you (like me) firmly practice the principle of fully, totally, and unconditionally accepting that which you cannot control (a.k.a. that which you cannot change)?
Answer: Yes, I do. I’ve learned to let go of what I can’t change. I practice releasing those things with love and not hold onto resentment. Acceptance brings peace—it just is what it is.

7. Is it possible that when you say something "shouldn't" be the way it is that you are speaking gibberish (i.e. saying something that doesn't actually mean anything, at least not anything coherent)?
Answer: I get what you’re saying, and I agree. Saying something shouldn’t be a certain way doesn’t actually change that it is. It’s a mental loop that leads nowhere. Reality simply is what it is.

8. As you use the words, what would it mean to say some unchangeable aspect of reality (e.g. the past) shouldn't be the way it unchangeably is?
Answer: I’ve come to believe that even the painful parts of the past have shaped who I am today. To wish they didn’t happen would be to wish away parts of myself. Growth came from those experiences—even the hard ones.

9. For example, as you use the words, what does it mean to say, "2 + 2 should not equal 4"?
Answer: It doesn’t make sense—2 + 2 equals 4. That’s just a fact. Some things simply are what they are.

10. What does it mean to say "That hurricane that happened yesterday shouldn't have happened"?
Answer: That kind of statement almost feels absurd—like arguing with nature. Hurricanes happen. Nature doesn’t ask for permission. It just is. And in a way, it makes me laugh because it highlights how powerless we can be over some things.