Kurt Vonnegut on Why Divorce Is So Common Nowadays | You are.not.enough people.

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want: a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.

What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn’t get so mad at them.

Why are so many people getting divorced today? It’s because most of us don’t have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man a women got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to.

A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys.

But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it’s a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it’s a man. When a couple has an argument nowadays, they may think it’s about money or power or sex or how to raise the kids or whatever. What they’re really saying to each other, though without realizing it, is this: ‘You are not enough people!’

What do you think?

It's a bit playful and intentionally oversimplifying, but I think it's true enough, and backed and discussed in more formal language in scientific literature with concepts/phrases like "The Myth of the Magical Other".

[Sushan]

This post offers an intriguing and somewhat playful perspective on relationships and the challenges of modern marriages. It's an interesting take on Freud's famous question about what women want, broadening it to reflect on the general human desire for connection and community.

Your point about extended families is particularly thought-provoking. It highlights how the shift away from larger family units to more nuclear ones might be impacting relationships. The idea that a spouse is expected to fulfill the roles of an entire community of people – confidants, friends, advisors – is a compelling way to think about the pressures on modern marriages. It’s true that in the past, extended families provided a network of support that is often lacking today.

The concept of "You are not enough people" is a unique way to frame arguments and discontent in relationships. It underscores the unrealistic expectations we sometimes place on our partners to be our 'all-in-one' solution to social and emotional needs.

The reference to "The Myth of the Magical Other" aligns with these ideas, suggesting that expecting one person to be the answer to all our needs and desires can lead to disappointment and strain in relationships.

This post definitely stirs up thought about the complexities of human relationships in the modern age.

Now I have a question for you; Do you believe that finding fulfillment outside of romantic relationships is key to healthier partnerships?