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[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

In your book, "In It Together," you mention numerous things about forgiveness. I refer to the following: If you were fully in their shoes, you would do exactly as they do, so there is nothing to forgive.

Hughes, Eckhart Aurelius. In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All (p. 170). OnlineBookClub.org. Kindle Edition.

Does that apply to any form of dishonesty as well? From what I've observed, you treat dishonesty differently, e.g. you "punish" reviewers who have used AI and customers who were dishonest. If you were fully in their shoes, would you have acted dishonestly as well?

Kind regards
Alida Spies

Hi, Alida Spies,

Thank you for your question.

A few corrections just so we are on the same page:

#1 -- I don't treat dishonesty differently. For instance, if some crazed psychopath murdered my children, or did his best to murder them buy was stopped halfway be me or the police, I would practice my philosophy of unconditional acceptance, meaning in a sense I would instantly unconditionally forgive that crazed murderous psychopath. However, even that is an understandment, because I would do it so fully, instantly, and uncondtionally that it's more accurate to say there was never anything to forgive (i.e. I never had any unforgiveness to let go of). That concept is explained in more detail in the following post of mine:


The same goes for if instead of being a murderous psychopath it was a rabid dog biting me or my kids or just a peaceful dishonest person who lied to me or my kids. In regards to whether or not I practice unconditional acceptance (a.k.a. unconditional forgiveness), I absolutely don't treat dishonesty differently than rabid dogs biting or psychopaths murdering or rapists raping or teenage vandals throwing eggs or whatever.


#2 -- As I use the words, I don't think it's accurate to say that I "punish" anyone.

For example, if I am hiring a bouncer to do security at an event I'm hosting, and one of the applicants is much smaller than the rest or is MMA fighter who I saw fight who did a bad job, I might therefore not hire the person. As I use the words, I would not say I am "punishing" them for being small or being bad at fighting.

I am disqualifying them from that position. When choosing whether or not to have that kind of relationship with them, that factor may be a factor or even a dealbreaker, but it's not to punish them.

I wouldn't use the word 'punish' unless one or both of the following was the case:

(1) I was doing it because I hated them, because I resented them, and/or because I sadistically wanted them to suffer.

(2) I was doing it as a means to change their behavior and/or control them.


I never do #1 (since I practice unconditional acceptance, love and forgiveness), and I rarely do #2 (since I fully accept what is not in my control, and, for the most part, other people's behavior and choices are outside of my control so I leave them be).

I suspect a careful re-reading of my book, "In It Together" will answer your questions for you.

For example, on page 159, I write the following:

Insofar as you feel people or things have to be forgiven for something, then forgive them. Forgive them unconditionally. Say, “Even a rabid dog deserves unconditional love and forgiveness.”

It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t put the dog in a cage. It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t put the dog down. Those may be our cards to play, and only from a place of unconditional acceptance of that which we cannot control will we play the dealt cards (what we can control) the best we can such that we can be at peace with our choices too.

I will unconditionally accept, love, and fully and instantly forgive the rabid dog that bites me, but also I will lock it up or even kill it. Not because I hate it, not because I resent it, not because I have any unforgiveness towards it, not because I don't accept that it is the way it is, not because I want to "punish" it or get revenge, not because I am sadistic and enjoy its suffering (or death) as an end in itself. Rather, there are other reasons to lock up or kill a living thing besides hate, sadism, and/or unforgiveness.

Similarly, if I meet an amazing woman tomorrow and fall in love and we get engaged, but the night before the wedding I find out she cheated on me, I'd instantly forgive her and unconditionally accept and love her, but also I'd call off the wedding. Not because I hate her. Not to "punish" her. Not because I have resentment (a.k.a. unforgiveness) towards her. Not because I sadistically want her to feel bad and hurt. No, there are plenty of other reasons to refuse to marry someone besides hate and unforgiveness.

The same goes for catching an employee or business partner being dishonest, lying to you, and/or stealing from you.

Even if they didn't do it to me, if I was interviewing someone for a job and found out they stole from their previous employer, I also wouldn't hire them. The same goes for if I found out they were a very honest person but had raped and murdered their previous boss.

Practicing unconditional love and forgiveness doesn't mean you stick your hand into a rabid dog's mouth.

And refusing to stick my hand in a rabid dog's mouth does not mean I am being unforgiving or engaging in resentment or hate or "punishing" the dog.

To understand this in more simple terms, I suggest you focus on the difference between the following:

(1) Trust

vs

(2) Love and forgiveness


I can love, accept, and unconditionally forgive something while not trusting it. And that goes both for trust in the sense of trusting a person to be honest but also in the sense of trusting a certain dog to not bite you or trusting the climate in a certain region to not blow your house away with tornado.

I'm not resenting, hating, being unforgiving towards, or seeking to "punish" a certain tornado-prone state or region by choosing to not building my house there. I'm not resenting or "punishing" tornadoes by choosing avoiding them or keep them as far away from me as possible.



With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes