Steve3007 wrote: ↑November 6th, 2020, 8:45 amYou just have to stop thinking of talking to people as a method for conveying factual information and think of it as method for getting an outcome that you want. Sometimes conveying factual information happens to serve that aim, but not necessarily. So, in the relatively trivial example of a wife/girlfriend/partner asking "does my bum look big in this?" don't ask yourself "what answer correctly reflects the empirical evidence?". Ask yourself: "what outcome do I want and what answer is most likely to achieve that outcome?".Pattern-chaser wrote:It's the decision to lie ("dissemble") that bothers me. In such circumstances, I try to avoid or ignore the question, usually with great and obvious awkwardness. When that fails, and if I am pressed, I will tell the truth "as gently as possible". But for me, with my somewhat limited social skills, this invariably makes matters much worse. I'm sorry to say your bum does look quite big in that dress. And there goes another potential friend. I'm not good at this....
Although we have been discussing this example in the stereotypical way, of what the outcome will be with each type of answer, it is important to note that that is not always the way the world works. For example, if my wife asks me how she looks in the morning, she really wants the truth because she is making sure that things are okay for going out in the world. She does not want me to lie to her. Gentle honesty is exactly what she wants, and is exactly what I provide.