Love or infatuation?

[Diascarus]

Is there a way to define love? Is there a way to know we are experiencing love? Strictly speaking romantic love. Or is it only recognizable after its come and gone? There are many instances where one can believe they are in love and have their feelings reciprocated from the other party, in which they would agree they as well are in love. Does that make their love true? Or are they just infatuated with one an other? Some couples can go the distance into eternity till death, others fizzle out within a few weeks. Some even shorter. Does that mean the ones that don't make it never felt love at all? Was it merely an over abundance of infatuation that drove two people together and then a lack there of that drove them apart? Where do we draw the distinction between love and infatuation? Or should we do away with the idea of infatuation all together? Infatuation is defined as an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Now, love is defined two ways; the first, an intense feeling of deep affection. Is the distinction simply the amount of time?

The distinction could be in the scenario where one still feels love and the other has lost it. Love could be defined as the ability to let your significant other go and live freely regardless of how you feel about hem. The "If you love them set them free" argument makes sense. No matter what stage of relationship you're at. If you "love" such a person setting them "Free" can simply mean let them be free to make their choices, whether to love you, or themselves, and sometimes both. Sometimes they leave and live their own lives and then return sometime in the future, but because you chose to "love them" you allowed a pathway through time in which they can return without negative feeling toward you. If feelings are reciprocated. Which brings the question, is love simply the allowance of freedom mixed with the idea of coupling? Better yet, is love simply another idea of grouping? Anthropologists tell us that naturally humans break up into groups that suit themselves. You may have the "lone wolf" scenario, but that will not help us here. If we naturally break into groups to support each other, is love just an undying pledge to support that person no matter what?

Is the distinction simply an amount of time? It could be, but lets say a man meets a woman, both are in a class for their futures. They both become infatuated with one another over a small amount of time. After some time one if their feelings fade, yet the other persists. It persists past their time in the class into years beyond. Is he in love or infatuated? and at what point did it change from infatuation to love? Did it even change at all? Though his feelings persist into the years on, they don't speak or see each other. Undoubtedly over time each person will change in one form or another. When he sees her again after years its merely a gamble as to what he'd feel. If he kept his feelings during and after their meeting could that be called love? Simply because it lasted for a long period of time? Lets also say in another reality his feelings fade on the spot in recognition that she's not the same person. Can that still be called love? It persisted longer than a short period of time, yet it faded. It breaks the definition of infatuation because this has lasted for more than a short while, and yet faded on the spot after re meeting the one he felt feelings for. I don't think we can call that infatuation. It could be argued that he could have "loved" the idea of her and "them" which could be true, but when did the love change from her to the idea? Was it ever for her to begin with then?

I think we can rule out that love is merely a feeling used to bring two humans together to reproduce, because we have these other groups of different sexualities. The homosexual or lesbian, etc. doesn't care about reproducing with their significant other, they can adopt or become a surrogate. They simply want to love them, or be infatuated, we still haven't found the distinction. All things considered, reproduction seems to be at the end of the totem pole when it comes to love. Though I can't speak for every single scenario, some people seek the opposite sex out specifically for children, but again that will not help us here.

If the distinction between love and infatuation can't be found with the difference of time, or with what is being loved, or how they're loved, where can we draw the line? Perhaps infatuation has the tendency to let man fall to his lesser self? We all know of the horrible domestic violence situations, they are not "setting their significant others free" they are holding onto them as tight as possible, even inflicting not only bodily harm but emotional harm as well. Though there can be more to this. There's mental health that has a huge part to play in all this. Perhaps it starts at the understanding of love? Which again brings us here. More can be explored here.

Perhaps the distinction of love and infatuation does not exist? Perhaps its merely a form of perception. If this be the case, should we just do away with the idea of infatuation and call all of it some varying degree of love? Starting from not in love and ending at deeply in love. Please feel free to comment I'm sure I missed a point or two, but I don't think this is something to figure out without a discussion. Thank you.

[Jack D Ripper]

I think people often get confused and argue about such things because the terms are vague:

love

NOUN

mass noun
1 An intense feeling of deep affection.

1.1 A feeling of deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

...

https://www.lexico.com/definition/love

infatuation

NOUN

An intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

https://www.lexico.com/definition/infatuation


The questions that immediately arise are how intense is "intense"? How deep is "deep"? For infatuation, how short-lived is "short-lived"? None of this has any precision, and consequently different people will use these terms differently in actual practice, without misusing the terms, without going against the normal meanings of the terms.


Not that this will settle anything, but I tend to think of infatuation as cases where one does not know the person very well, and imagines the person to be something that they are not, and when one finds out the truth, the feeling ends. Hence, it is "short-lived", though, of course, that is vague and relative.

I think of love as when one knows the person very well, and feels the deep affection for the person mentioned in the dictionary quoted above. As one actually knows the person well, one is not going to tend to find out that the person is really what one does not care for. And thus, it tends to be long-lasting. Of course, this, too, is full of vague and relative terms.

If one does not know the person well, one might love what one imagines the person to be, but I don't regard that the same as loving the person. It is more that the person loves the idea of what they imagine the person to be, rather than loving the person. See comments regarding infatuation above.

[Haicoway]

Helen Fisher wrote about the brain chemicals that govern infatuation and deeper bonds. Infatuation can only last for a couple of years.

[Fellowmater]

Love and infatuation are both intense emotions that one feels for another person. These feelings are most often confused for each other by many people. But the two feelings differ in their actuality of love, intensity, and final outcome.

Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship when sexual attraction is central. Love can be described as a feeling of intense affection for another person. It is most often talked about as an emotion between two persons. Hence is also sometimes referred to as interpersonal love.