Funny curses
- Robert66
- Posts: 521
- Joined: April 20th, 2014, 5:13 pm
Funny curses
- funny or inventive curses, without swear words. A common example in Australia used to be "stone the flamin' crows" to express astonishment. Someone a bit daft or stupid might have "a few sheep lost in the top paddock", or their "elevator didn't reach the top floor". Someone really thick could be said to have "a brain as smooth as a billiard ball" - I think Vonnegut may have written that one.
- analogies eg "as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle "
- any non-swearing curses (eg drongo, gonk etc).
Any takers, or are you all as useless as **** on a bull?
- Robert66
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Re: Funny curses
- LuckyR
- Moderator
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Re: Funny curses
- Robert66
- Posts: 521
- Joined: April 20th, 2014, 5:13 pm
Re: Funny curses
Thanks LuckyR, the more I think about that one, the more I like it. I can see how it applies philosophically. If someone were to invent an absurd scenario in order to advance an argument (like some variation of the Trolley Problem), but in doing so they ignored many real world contingencies, they would be like an argumentative bolt without a nut. A "no-nut job", so to speak.
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Re: Funny curses
My grandad used to say "Well! I'll go to the foot of our stairs!" or "I'll go to our house!" for the same purpose. There may also have been other places inside the house he declared his intention to visit as way of indicating surprise. I can't remember.
My nan often used to say "you daft 'apeth" to tell someone they were being stupid. "Apeth" being short for "half penny worth". For most of my childhood I didn't realize that and thought it was just a way of calling me an ape. A bit like "you cheeky monkey".
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Re: Funny curses
If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.
As much use as a chocolate teapot/oven-glove.
A couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
- Sculptor1
- Posts: 7091
- Joined: May 16th, 2019, 5:35 am
Re: Funny curses
Camp as a row of tents = very gay.
Camp as Christmas = very gay
Spanner short of a toolbox = stupid
Bent as a nine-bob note = crooked (There were ten bob (shilling) notes)
Three'apence short of a shilling = stupid.
You cannot polish a turd = beyond repair.
Scum Shovel = Bus to Whitehawk (insert any estate with bad rep).
Not firing on all cylinders - stupid.
Of interest for the old stuff is Grouses Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue 1811
It's available on Gutenberg and Kindle for free.
- Sculptor1
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Re: Funny curses
Crazy as bag of ferrets
- Sculptor1
- Posts: 7091
- Joined: May 16th, 2019, 5:35 am
Re: Funny curses
Rodger's Profanisaurus, which cums in a bewildering number of editions including Daz Krapital, War and Piss, Hail Sweary, Magna Farta,
- Sculptor1
- Posts: 7091
- Joined: May 16th, 2019, 5:35 am
Re: Funny curses
ACCOUNTS. To cast up one's accounts; to vomit.
How about this one?
BACK GAMMON PLAYER. A sodomite.
- Robert66
- Posts: 521
- Joined: April 20th, 2014, 5:13 pm
Re: Funny curses
I still say "flamin' Galah" sometimes, then catch myself wondering if it is really appropriate, since I love Galahs. Here's a very Australian anecdote: I was having lunch at work one day, with a bunch of Galahs nearby on the lawn. One was coming very close, so I gave it a big chunk of my Vegemite sandwich (I kid you not). Well it held that sandwich so carefully in one claw, standing there a metre away, ate every scrap of butter and Vegemite out from inside, then nonchalantly tossed the bread away. The look it gave me managed somehow to convey thanks for the salt and fat, but disdain for the cheap bread, as if to say "do I look like a flamin' Pigeon"?Steve3007 wrote: ↑May 21st, 2021, 7:04 am In Australia do they still call people a "flamin galah"? Or was that just Alf Stewart from Home and Away? As I recall, he also used to say "Hogan's Ghost!" as a general exclamation of surprise.
My grandad used to say "Well! I'll go to the foot of our stairs!" or "I'll go to our house!" for the same purpose. There may also have been other places inside the house he declared his intention to visit as way of indicating surprise. I can't remember.
My nan often used to say "you daft 'apeth" to tell someone they were being stupid. "Apeth" being short for "half penny worth". For most of my childhood I didn't realize that and thought it was just a way of calling me an ape. A bit like "you cheeky monkey".
I'm not familiar with "Hogan's ghost", but then I never watched Home and Away - to be frank I am surprised anyone did. Your Nan must have called you a "daft 'apeth" for that, and I wouldn't be surprised if your Grandad went under the stairs to get away from it.
- Robert66
- Posts: 521
- Joined: April 20th, 2014, 5:13 pm
Re: Funny curses
Or - "If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to part his hair".
I love the chocolate teapot - I will remember that one.
- Robert66
- Posts: 521
- Joined: April 20th, 2014, 5:13 pm
Re: Funny curses
Thanks for the references Sculptor1.Sculptor1 wrote: ↑May 21st, 2021, 7:28 am As much use as a chocolate Fireguard
Camp as a row of tents = very gay.
Camp as Christmas = very gay
Spanner short of a toolbox = stupid
Bent as a nine-bob note = crooked (There were ten bob (shilling) notes)
Three'apence short of a shilling = stupid.
You cannot polish a turd = beyond repair.
Scum Shovel = Bus to Whitehawk (insert any estate with bad rep).
Not firing on all cylinders - stupid.
Of interest for the old stuff is Grouses Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue 1811
It's available on Gutenberg and Kindle for free.
I have heard "Bent as a nine-bob note" here in Aus - some expressions are so good they travel that far. And "bob" translated, post-1966, into decimal currency to mean 10 cents. I went to school with a Robert Roberts (btw there must be a word for parents who would name their child thus) - we called him Two Bob of course. And he was a spanner short. Also a good bloke.
Haven't heard of Whitehawk, but would catching the bus there be worse than being sent to Coventry?
- Sculptor1
- Posts: 7091
- Joined: May 16th, 2019, 5:35 am
Re: Funny curses
Whitehawk is a estate of "social housing" in Brighton UK. So the "scum shovel" would be the 21Bus.Robert66 wrote: ↑May 21st, 2021, 3:16 pmThanks for the references Sculptor1.Sculptor1 wrote: ↑May 21st, 2021, 7:28 am As much use as a chocolate Fireguard
Camp as a row of tents = very gay.
Camp as Christmas = very gay
Spanner short of a toolbox = stupid
Bent as a nine-bob note = crooked (There were ten bob (shilling) notes)
Three'apence short of a shilling = stupid.
You cannot polish a turd = beyond repair.
Scum Shovel = Bus to Whitehawk (insert any estate with bad rep).
Not firing on all cylinders - stupid.
Of interest for the old stuff is Grouses Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue 1811
It's available on Gutenberg and Kindle for free.
I have heard "Bent as a nine-bob note" here in Aus - some expressions are so good they travel that far. And "bob" translated, post-1966, into decimal currency to mean 10 cents. I went to school with a Robert Roberts (btw there must be a word for parents who would name their child thus) - we called him Two Bob of course. And he was a spanner short. Also a good bloke.
Haven't heard of Whitehawk, but would catching the bus there be worse than being sent to Coventry?
In LA it would be the RTD Line 10 to Watts.
For my money I'd rather go somehwhere I could buy drugs rather than have my friends not talk to me!
- Papus79
- Posts: 1798
- Joined: February 19th, 2017, 6:59 pm
Re: Funny curses
Awe... bless your heart! (you're a moron).
Jesus loves him/her! (no one else would).
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