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A beginner question, and introduction

Please post all introductions in this forum. Tell us how you found the philosophy forums, what interests you about philosophy, and a little about you, such as your age, where you live, what you do for a living, etc.
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A beginner question, and introduction

Post by TheoDoesBurg » January 8th, 2019, 10:43 am

Dear philosophers,

Are there any philosophical readings that you would recommend that deals with/discusses the topics of lost faith, disillusionment, and/or despair?
And how about ones that deals in the concepts and motivations of selfishness and selflessness?

A little background about myself if any of you are interested:

I was once a deeply religious person. I would go to Church a lot, and I would ask many questions to the priests there about the Bible.
About what would happen if a baby dies if it had never accepted Jesus (since they say all humans are born with sin), and what would happen if a pious person died after that person had just committed a sin, and hadn't had the time to ask for forgiveness yet.
As the days grew by, I began to notice, that they didn't always have an answer that satisfies me. And with how the Church itself being splintered in their teachings, I began to question whether they even know where they're going themselves.

Long story short, I found myself now to be a non-religious person. And while I do not despise people with a religion/regard them as fools, I find myself unable to bring myself to believe in a religion (or in a mythical God) again.
I do believe that every person has their own "God" inside them, which is their personal principles and morals.
And I notice some resemblance in what I once read in the Bible, that "God" is within us, it always watches us and chastises us when we betray it (guilt).

This revelation didn't come without a cost though, as it costed me my one and only source for optimism. I am now left a pessimist.
I would look at any new idea, or opportunity with a critical lens (perhaps overly so).
This has also exaggerated the problem of my selfishness.

Please forgive me if this is not the right place to ask about this, (this is the first time I've ever posted anything on any serious forum) and thank you in advance for answering.

Also, a few additional info on myself:
I found this forum through Google,
I am a web/UI designer who doubles as a web developer as well, and I like to listen to podcasts/videos on various topics, from gaming to philosophical lectures on the side while working.
I am of age 30, Male, and I am currently living in Indonesia.

Sincerely, Theo

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