Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here.

Discuss the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes.

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Surabhi Rani
Premium Member
Posts: 83
Joined: November 3rd, 2022, 3:21 am

Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Surabhi Rani »

I received your e-mail saying I had pending tasks on you. pw site which were not completed in the scheduled time and for that reason, I might have to re-enroll for the free option of the mentoring program. This might be the right suggestion for me. All I can say about this is that all this while, I have been reading and reviewing a book through the Review Team.
I presumed I had no pending tasks on you. pw site and was hoping to write to you about being any bugs on this site. Sorry, for not checking the you. pw website (to find any pending tasks) for the final time after the last update of my latest review on 21st Dec. 2023. Presently, I am struggling to read Books of the Month to increase my reviewer score from level 2 to level 3. This will allow me access to desirable books for reviewing. Also, I am hunting books for reviewing.
Sir, I have my Kundalini power (psychic power) awakened within me. (I can let this secret out for a noble cause.) So, my biorhythms are not normal but rather slow. I might have missed checking the you. pw site for days altogether to complete my pending tasks. Such personal facts have become relevant and important given the situation of a mentor-mentee relationship.
Do you get a feeling that the rhythms of nature are conducive for me to write reviews? In that case, I may not re-enroll for the free option of the mentoring program but rather follow my own time pace and cycle for writing reviews. This is because I can write only a few reviews every year. My productivity rate is slow.
Will I get a chance to continue as a reviewer at Online Book Club even if I am not a part of the mentoring program?.
You had promised me your friendship. I am writing this to you as a spontaneous and unconditional act and not for any personal gain. I hope to get back to you as well as continue corresponding with you in future always. I love Online Book Club. I love writing reviews.
Sakshi Singh1
Premium Member
Posts: 13
Joined: January 2nd, 2024, 6:54 pm

Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Sakshi Singh1 »

Eckhart Aurelius Hughes wrote: January 10th, 2024, 3:05 pm If you haven't already, you can sign up to be personally mentored by Scott "Eckhart Aurelius" Hughes at this link.

Sakshi Singh1 wrote: January 3rd, 2024, 9:23 am Hello scott. I've a question too. My question is "How to deal with the constant pressure and expectations of parents?" By this I mean the constant pressure and expectations of being successful, because of this pressure I've extreme anxiety before starting anything new.
Hi, Sakshi Singh1,

Great question! Thank you for asking it. :)

Perhaps another way to phrase it would be this: "How do you recommend I deal with being shoulded on?"

It won't directly answer your question, but I do strongly recommend you start by reading the following short playful topic of mine:

Don't should on me. If you are going to should on anyone, go should on yourself.


You don't need to literally say to your parents, "Don't should on me. Go should on yourself."

But rather I recommend you at least embrace that attitude.

When anyone tells me what I "should" do (i.e. when anyone shoulds on me), I treat it about the same as if some literally mentally ill homeless man told me, "you really should put this sharp razor blade up your butt!" Mostly, I just ignore it with incredible invincible inner peace and do not respond at all, neither internally nor externally. Insofar as I do have an internal (or external) response it's generally just playful amusement at the utter silliness of it, with the unspoken attitude of, "who in the heck are you to tell me what I should do?" :lol:

My generally unspoken attitude to them and their self-righteous control-freak silliness is, 'Go clean your own backyard and forget about mine', and 'Don't throw stones unless you're perfect, which you aren't and never will be.'

'I'm rubber and you're glue, and whatever judgemental nonsense shoulds you throw at me bounce off of me and stick to you.'

'Sticks and stones can break my bones, but your judgemental control-freak verbal shoulds can't make me do anything.'


Can you just ignore it? That might be the easiest, quickest, and fastest solution.

Your own inner peace or lack thereof is determined by whether or not you have expectations, not about whether other people (e.g. your parents) have expectations. If they choose to have expectations (against you or anything), then they will suffer accordingly (i.e. lack inner peace). If you have expectations, then you will lack inner peace. If you should on people and other things, then you won't have inner peace. If you engage in moralizing judgementalism, you won't have inner peace. When other people do these things in the external world around you, it has no true effect or control whatsover on your inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness).

That is part of what it means to say, judge not lest you be judged, or as I put it, to have hate in your heart is to be in hell.

Your parents' expectations and shoulding make them miserable in the sense of them not having inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness). They are the only ones who must suffer from their superstitious choice to believe that things out of their control 'should' be different than those things uncontrollably are, or that any aspect of unchangable reality should be different than it is or is otherwise hate-worthy or resentment-worthy (a.k.a. unforgivable). The same goes for any other expecters or shoulders in the outer world. You cannot save them from their own self-damnation, but likewise they cannot stop you from manifesting your own spiritual salvation, which you can do instantly and fully any moment you choose, meaning in other words you can let go of all that nonsense and thereby instantly enjoy the true happiness that is free-spirited inner peace.

If just ignoring it is not a sufficient solution for you (though I do recommend you test that solution first to see if it works for you), then I suggest you either write a brief letter or have a brief conversation with them in which you are extremely assertive, but neither aggressive at all nor toxically passive. In a calm respectful polite and very assertive manner, tell them simply and flat out that you want them to stop putting pressure on you and putting expectations on you because it's affecting your mental health and contributing to you having anxiety (if not being the main cause of that anxiety). You can tell them you are dedicated to having free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) and that that is what is most important to you, not being an obedient child and not living up to other people's judgemental or controlling expectations. You can tell them flat out that if they have any expectations that you do or be anything but truly happy in the sense of having constant invincible rebelliously free-spirited inner peace, then they will therefore have unmet expectations that remain unfulfilled and will suffer accordingly in terms of having that feeling of being unfulfilled and having unfilled/unmet expectations. In contrast, you can tell them that if what they want is for you to be happy, meaning truly happy in the sense of having constant invincible rebelliously free-spirited inner peace that comes with a strong sense of liberated self-determination and incredible graceful self-discipline, then consider it achieved.

You can tell them you are extremely happy and eagerly willing to forgo any and all benefits of dependence to reap the benefits of independence and freedom and self-responsible self-determination.

Or you can tell them nothing. Again, I recommend that you start by simply doing your best to ignore them, both externally and internally. What matters (for you and your happiness) is whether or not you have expectations and whether or not you engage in shoulding and judgementalism.

If you expect yourself to meet your parents' expectations, or if you expect your parents to not have expectations of you, or if you expect your parents to be proud of you or such, of if you expect anything of anyone (including your parents), then the real issue (for you) is your expectations, not your parents' expectations.

Expectation is a fool's game, namely because it is incompatible with inner peace. But perhaps the biggest question for you is why your parents' expectations matter to you.

If you are thinking that your parents shouldn't should on you, then it's your own shoulding that's causing you anxiety and misery and preventing you from having free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness).

If you are expecting your parents to not have unmet expectations, then it's your own foolish expecting that is causing you anxiety and misery.

In that case, your parents are just a scapegoat you are dishonestly using to deceive yourself about who is really in control of your own inner peace and happiness. It's you, not your parents.

As my book teaches, you are 100% in control of your own spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) and free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness). As my book teaches, not even a literal god could come between you and your choices. I wouldn't suggest you worry much, or at all, about your parents' choices. Worry only about your own, and you control those 100% so then there's nothing to worry about. When you only worry about what you control, then you have no worries. When you only focus on (i.e. see as mattering) what you control, then you control everything that matters. Then there is no reason for worry or anxiety, and any bodily feelings like it that uncontrollably arise in your body can be just as easily ignored as one can ignore the shoulding done by one's own parents or the shoulding done by a crazy homeless man on the street.


To summarize, I suggest you use the following steps to resolve your concern:

1. Ignore your parents' expectations and pressuring, and ignore them when they should on you or such.

2. After testing out #1 for a while, if it doesn't sufficiently resolve the matter for you, then move on to very assertively telling your parents (either in person or using a written letter) to stop putting pressure on you and to never ever should on you at all. For the first round, you don't necessarily need to use ultimatums, and you will definately want to keep it simple, brief, and very assertive. For more on that, please see my topic, Big Tip for Negotiation & Productive Communication: Less is more. | The power of direct, simple assertiveness.

3. If #2 doesn't work, do it again, but this time give an ultimatum (e.g. "If you continue to should on me or put pressure on me or guilt trip me or try to control my life rather than respect my independence, I will cut off contact with you.")

4. If #3 doesn't work, cut them out of your life. Cut off contact. Block their phone number if needed. Block them on social media. Move further away.


#4 isn't the goal, but the last resort. The initial primary goal is to solve it with #1, but if that proves impossible then you resort to #2, and if that proves impossible then you resort to #3, and then and only then resort to #4.

For more on the concepts behind that procedure, please see the following tweets of mine:

Sometimes the most loving and kind thing to do for all involved, including yourself, is leave the proverbial door unanswered. True love is freedom, not slavery.

When someone communicates their boundaries to you, it is typically an effort to keep you in their life rather than push you away.

Not letting other people's foul mood ruin yours is itself a healthy smart boundary.

Compassion without boundaries is toxic.

Empathy without boundaries is toxic.



My advice: Let go of all of your expectations, including any expectation you have that you meet others' expectations or live up to their literally miserable standards. Instead, create and assertively enforce healthy boundaries.

In short, let go of expectation, and assertively enforce healthy boundaries.

Your inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) is 100% in your control.

Freedom means self-responsibility. Will you choose it? Will you choose the invincible and often uncomfortable happiness that is spiritual liberation, self-discipline, and self-determination? The choice is yours. 100% yours.



With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott



expectations.png




---
In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.
Thank you Scott for replying. I like the phrase "should on"😁. I've tried #1 many times, it works sometimes but sometimes it doesn't. I'm going to try #2 and be stern about it.
Sakshi Singh1
Premium Member
Posts: 13
Joined: January 2nd, 2024, 6:54 pm

Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Sakshi Singh1 »

Eckhart Aurelius Hughes wrote: January 10th, 2024, 3:05 pm If you haven't already, you can sign up to be personally mentored by Scott "Eckhart Aurelius" Hughes at this link.

Sakshi Singh1 wrote: January 3rd, 2024, 9:23 am Hello scott. I've a question too. My question is "How to deal with the constant pressure and expectations of parents?" By this I mean the constant pressure and expectations of being successful, because of this pressure I've extreme anxiety before starting anything new.
Hi, Sakshi Singh1,

Great question! Thank you for asking it. :)

Perhaps another way to phrase it would be this: "How do you recommend I deal with being shoulded on?"

It won't directly answer your question, but I do strongly recommend you start by reading the following short playful topic of mine:

Don't should on me. If you are going to should on anyone, go should on yourself.


You don't need to literally say to your parents, "Don't should on me. Go should on yourself."

But rather I recommend you at least embrace that attitude.

When anyone tells me what I "should" do (i.e. when anyone shoulds on me), I treat it about the same as if some literally mentally ill homeless man told me, "you really should put this sharp razor blade up your butt!" Mostly, I just ignore it with incredible invincible inner peace and do not respond at all, neither internally nor externally. Insofar as I do have an internal (or external) response it's generally just playful amusement at the utter silliness of it, with the unspoken attitude of, "who in the heck are you to tell me what I should do?" :lol:

My generally unspoken attitude to them and their self-righteous control-freak silliness is, 'Go clean your own backyard and forget about mine', and 'Don't throw stones unless you're perfect, which you aren't and never will be.'

'I'm rubber and you're glue, and whatever judgemental nonsense shoulds you throw at me bounce off of me and stick to you.'

'Sticks and stones can break my bones, but your judgemental control-freak verbal shoulds can't make me do anything.'


Can you just ignore it? That might be the easiest, quickest, and fastest solution.

Your own inner peace or lack thereof is determined by whether or not you have expectations, not about whether other people (e.g. your parents) have expectations. If they choose to have expectations (against you or anything), then they will suffer accordingly (i.e. lack inner peace). If you have expectations, then you will lack inner peace. If you should on people and other things, then you won't have inner peace. If you engage in moralizing judgementalism, you won't have inner peace. When other people do these things in the external world around you, it has no true effect or control whatsover on your inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness).

That is part of what it means to say, judge not lest you be judged, or as I put it, to have hate in your heart is to be in hell.

Your parents' expectations and shoulding make them miserable in the sense of them not having inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness). They are the only ones who must suffer from their superstitious choice to believe that things out of their control 'should' be different than those things uncontrollably are, or that any aspect of unchangable reality should be different than it is or is otherwise hate-worthy or resentment-worthy (a.k.a. unforgivable). The same goes for any other expecters or shoulders in the outer world. You cannot save them from their own self-damnation, but likewise they cannot stop you from manifesting your own spiritual salvation, which you can do instantly and fully any moment you choose, meaning in other words you can let go of all that nonsense and thereby instantly enjoy the true happiness that is free-spirited inner peace.

If just ignoring it is not a sufficient solution for you (though I do recommend you test that solution first to see if it works for you), then I suggest you either write a brief letter or have a brief conversation with them in which you are extremely assertive, but neither aggressive at all nor toxically passive. In a calm respectful polite and very assertive manner, tell them simply and flat out that you want them to stop putting pressure on you and putting expectations on you because it's affecting your mental health and contributing to you having anxiety (if not being the main cause of that anxiety). You can tell them you are dedicated to having free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) and that that is what is most important to you, not being an obedient child and not living up to other people's judgemental or controlling expectations. You can tell them flat out that if they have any expectations that you do or be anything but truly happy in the sense of having constant invincible rebelliously free-spirited inner peace, then they will therefore have unmet expectations that remain unfulfilled and will suffer accordingly in terms of having that feeling of being unfulfilled and having unfilled/unmet expectations. In contrast, you can tell them that if what they want is for you to be happy, meaning truly happy in the sense of having constant invincible rebelliously free-spirited inner peace that comes with a strong sense of liberated self-determination and incredible graceful self-discipline, then consider it achieved.

You can tell them you are extremely happy and eagerly willing to forgo any and all benefits of dependence to reap the benefits of independence and freedom and self-responsible self-determination.

Or you can tell them nothing. Again, I recommend that you start by simply doing your best to ignore them, both externally and internally. What matters (for you and your happiness) is whether or not you have expectations and whether or not you engage in shoulding and judgementalism.

If you expect yourself to meet your parents' expectations, or if you expect your parents to not have expectations of you, or if you expect your parents to be proud of you or such, of if you expect anything of anyone (including your parents), then the real issue (for you) is your expectations, not your parents' expectations.

Expectation is a fool's game, namely because it is incompatible with inner peace. But perhaps the biggest question for you is why your parents' expectations matter to you.

If you are thinking that your parents shouldn't should on you, then it's your own shoulding that's causing you anxiety and misery and preventing you from having free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness).

If you are expecting your parents to not have unmet expectations, then it's your own foolish expecting that is causing you anxiety and misery.

In that case, your parents are just a scapegoat you are dishonestly using to deceive yourself about who is really in control of your own inner peace and happiness. It's you, not your parents.

As my book teaches, you are 100% in control of your own spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) and free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness). As my book teaches, not even a literal god could come between you and your choices. I wouldn't suggest you worry much, or at all, about your parents' choices. Worry only about your own, and you control those 100% so then there's nothing to worry about. When you only worry about what you control, then you have no worries. When you only focus on (i.e. see as mattering) what you control, then you control everything that matters. Then there is no reason for worry or anxiety, and any bodily feelings like it that uncontrollably arise in your body can be just as easily ignored as one can ignore the shoulding done by one's own parents or the shoulding done by a crazy homeless man on the street.


To summarize, I suggest you use the following steps to resolve your concern:

1. Ignore your parents' expectations and pressuring, and ignore them when they should on you or such.

2. After testing out #1 for a while, if it doesn't sufficiently resolve the matter for you, then move on to very assertively telling your parents (either in person or using a written letter) to stop putting pressure on you and to never ever should on you at all. For the first round, you don't necessarily need to use ultimatums, and you will definately want to keep it simple, brief, and very assertive. For more on that, please see my topic, Big Tip for Negotiation & Productive Communication: Less is more. | The power of direct, simple assertiveness.

3. If #2 doesn't work, do it again, but this time give an ultimatum (e.g. "If you continue to should on me or put pressure on me or guilt trip me or try to control my life rather than respect my independence, I will cut off contact with you.")

4. If #3 doesn't work, cut them out of your life. Cut off contact. Block their phone number if needed. Block them on social media. Move further away.


#4 isn't the goal, but the last resort. The initial primary goal is to solve it with #1, but if that proves impossible then you resort to #2, and if that proves impossible then you resort to #3, and then and only then resort to #4.

For more on the concepts behind that procedure, please see the following tweets of mine:

Sometimes the most loving and kind thing to do for all involved, including yourself, is leave the proverbial door unanswered. True love is freedom, not slavery.

When someone communicates their boundaries to you, it is typically an effort to keep you in their life rather than push you away.

Not letting other people's foul mood ruin yours is itself a healthy smart boundary.

Compassion without boundaries is toxic.

Empathy without boundaries is toxic.



My advice: Let go of all of your expectations, including any expectation you have that you meet others' expectations or live up to their literally miserable standards. Instead, create and assertively enforce healthy boundaries.

In short, let go of expectation, and assertively enforce healthy boundaries.

Your inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) is 100% in your control.

Freedom means self-responsibility. Will you choose it? Will you choose the invincible and often uncomfortable happiness that is spiritual liberation, self-discipline, and self-determination? The choice is yours. 100% yours.



With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott



expectations.png




---
In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.
Thank you Scott for replying. I like the phrase "should on"😁. I've tried #1 many times, it works sometimes but sometimes it doesn't. I'm going to try #2 and be stern about it.
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Nisha DSouza
Premium Member
Posts: 20
Joined: March 16th, 2023, 12:55 pm

Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Nisha DSouza »

Hi Scott,

I have heard the concept of "making your money work you." Although I don't have any debt, I have yet to read the book, "Debt Cleanse" by Jorge P. Newbery that you have recommended in the reading list for your mentees. I wanted to know your suggestions and tips for medium-risk and high-return investments or strategies that can be used by anyone in the world. Your guidance on this topic will be very much appreciated.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5714
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
Contact:

Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Surabhi Rani wrote: January 21st, 2024, 9:47 am I received your e-mail saying I had pending tasks on you. pw site which were not completed in the scheduled time and for that reason, I might have to re-enroll for the free option of the mentoring program. This might be the right suggestion for me. All I can say about this is that all this while, I have been reading and reviewing a book through the Review Team.
I presumed I had no pending tasks on you. pw site and was hoping to write to you about being any bugs on this site. Sorry, for not checking the you. pw website (to find any pending tasks) for the final time after the last update of my latest review on 21st Dec. 2023. Presently, I am struggling to read Books of the Month to increase my reviewer score from level 2 to level 3. This will allow me access to desirable books for reviewing. Also, I am hunting books for reviewing.
Sir, I have my Kundalini power (psychic power) awakened within me. (I can let this secret out for a noble cause.) So, my biorhythms are not normal but rather slow. I might have missed checking the you. pw site for days altogether to complete my pending tasks. Such personal facts have become relevant and important given the situation of a mentor-mentee relationship.
Do you get a feeling that the rhythms of nature are conducive for me to write reviews? In that case, I may not re-enroll for the free option of the mentoring program but rather follow my own time pace and cycle for writing reviews. This is because I can write only a few reviews every year. My productivity rate is slow.
Will I get a chance to continue as a reviewer at Online Book Club even if I am not a part of the mentoring program?.
You had promised me your friendship. I am writing this to you as a spontaneous and unconditional act and not for any personal gain. I hope to get back to you as well as continue corresponding with you in future always. I love Online Book Club. I love writing reviews.
Hi, Surabhi Rani,

I definitely think you will want to re-enroll and continue as a reviewer. The kind of struggling you are experiencing with reading book (in English) and reviewing are good. They are analogous to the kind of struggle I feel in the gym everyday. The struggle is the goal. If I am not struggling when I lift a weight, then for the next set I increase the weight. The goal is to struggle.

When it comes to exercises (both mental exercise and physical exercise), building skills, building strength (both mental and physical), and learning new things, generally speaking, the goal is to struggle. For those kind of endeavors, it's when you are not struggling that you want to get concerned and re-evaluate. If you want to become a PhD level mathematician, you will never get there if you just keep taking easy elementary school math tests and practicing easy math like basic arithmetic.

If you aren't feeling challenged, you're not advancing.

If you want to grow, but aren't feeling growing pain, then it's time to switch things up so that you can feel growing pain because if you aren't feeling growing pain you won't grow.


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
User avatar
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
The admin formerly known as Scott
Posts: 5714
Joined: January 20th, 2007, 6:24 pm
Favorite Philosopher: Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Sakshi Singh1 wrote: January 23rd, 2024, 5:43 am
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes wrote: January 10th, 2024, 3:05 pm If you haven't already, you can sign up to be personally mentored by Scott "Eckhart Aurelius" Hughes at this link.

Sakshi Singh1 wrote: January 3rd, 2024, 9:23 am Hello scott. I've a question too. My question is "How to deal with the constant pressure and expectations of parents?" By this I mean the constant pressure and expectations of being successful, because of this pressure I've extreme anxiety before starting anything new.
Hi, Sakshi Singh1,

Great question! Thank you for asking it. :)

Perhaps another way to phrase it would be this: "How do you recommend I deal with being shoulded on?"

It won't directly answer your question, but I do strongly recommend you start by reading the following short playful topic of mine:

Don't should on me. If you are going to should on anyone, go should on yourself.


You don't need to literally say to your parents, "Don't should on me. Go should on yourself."

But rather I recommend you at least embrace that attitude.

When anyone tells me what I "should" do (i.e. when anyone shoulds on me), I treat it about the same as if some literally mentally ill homeless man told me, "you really should put this sharp razor blade up your butt!" Mostly, I just ignore it with incredible invincible inner peace and do not respond at all, neither internally nor externally. Insofar as I do have an internal (or external) response it's generally just playful amusement at the utter silliness of it, with the unspoken attitude of, "who in the heck are you to tell me what I should do?" :lol:

My generally unspoken attitude to them and their self-righteous control-freak silliness is, 'Go clean your own backyard and forget about mine', and 'Don't throw stones unless you're perfect, which you aren't and never will be.'

'I'm rubber and you're glue, and whatever judgemental nonsense shoulds you throw at me bounce off of me and stick to you.'

'Sticks and stones can break my bones, but your judgemental control-freak verbal shoulds can't make me do anything.'


Can you just ignore it? That might be the easiest, quickest, and fastest solution.

Your own inner peace or lack thereof is determined by whether or not you have expectations, not about whether other people (e.g. your parents) have expectations. If they choose to have expectations (against you or anything), then they will suffer accordingly (i.e. lack inner peace). If you have expectations, then you will lack inner peace. If you should on people and other things, then you won't have inner peace. If you engage in moralizing judgementalism, you won't have inner peace. When other people do these things in the external world around you, it has no true effect or control whatsover on your inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness).

That is part of what it means to say, judge not lest you be judged, or as I put it, to have hate in your heart is to be in hell.

Your parents' expectations and shoulding make them miserable in the sense of them not having inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness). They are the only ones who must suffer from their superstitious choice to believe that things out of their control 'should' be different than those things uncontrollably are, or that any aspect of unchangable reality should be different than it is or is otherwise hate-worthy or resentment-worthy (a.k.a. unforgivable). The same goes for any other expecters or shoulders in the outer world. You cannot save them from their own self-damnation, but likewise they cannot stop you from manifesting your own spiritual salvation, which you can do instantly and fully any moment you choose, meaning in other words you can let go of all that nonsense and thereby instantly enjoy the true happiness that is free-spirited inner peace.

If just ignoring it is not a sufficient solution for you (though I do recommend you test that solution first to see if it works for you), then I suggest you either write a brief letter or have a brief conversation with them in which you are extremely assertive, but neither aggressive at all nor toxically passive. In a calm respectful polite and very assertive manner, tell them simply and flat out that you want them to stop putting pressure on you and putting expectations on you because it's affecting your mental health and contributing to you having anxiety (if not being the main cause of that anxiety). You can tell them you are dedicated to having free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) and that that is what is most important to you, not being an obedient child and not living up to other people's judgemental or controlling expectations. You can tell them flat out that if they have any expectations that you do or be anything but truly happy in the sense of having constant invincible rebelliously free-spirited inner peace, then they will therefore have unmet expectations that remain unfulfilled and will suffer accordingly in terms of having that feeling of being unfulfilled and having unfilled/unmet expectations. In contrast, you can tell them that if what they want is for you to be happy, meaning truly happy in the sense of having constant invincible rebelliously free-spirited inner peace that comes with a strong sense of liberated self-determination and incredible graceful self-discipline, then consider it achieved.

You can tell them you are extremely happy and eagerly willing to forgo any and all benefits of dependence to reap the benefits of independence and freedom and self-responsible self-determination.

Or you can tell them nothing. Again, I recommend that you start by simply doing your best to ignore them, both externally and internally. What matters (for you and your happiness) is whether or not you have expectations and whether or not you engage in shoulding and judgementalism.

If you expect yourself to meet your parents' expectations, or if you expect your parents to not have expectations of you, or if you expect your parents to be proud of you or such, of if you expect anything of anyone (including your parents), then the real issue (for you) is your expectations, not your parents' expectations.

Expectation is a fool's game, namely because it is incompatible with inner peace. But perhaps the biggest question for you is why your parents' expectations matter to you.

If you are thinking that your parents shouldn't should on you, then it's your own shoulding that's causing you anxiety and misery and preventing you from having free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness).

If you are expecting your parents to not have unmet expectations, then it's your own foolish expecting that is causing you anxiety and misery.

In that case, your parents are just a scapegoat you are dishonestly using to deceive yourself about who is really in control of your own inner peace and happiness. It's you, not your parents.

As my book teaches, you are 100% in control of your own spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) and free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness). As my book teaches, not even a literal god could come between you and your choices. I wouldn't suggest you worry much, or at all, about your parents' choices. Worry only about your own, and you control those 100% so then there's nothing to worry about. When you only worry about what you control, then you have no worries. When you only focus on (i.e. see as mattering) what you control, then you control everything that matters. Then there is no reason for worry or anxiety, and any bodily feelings like it that uncontrollably arise in your body can be just as easily ignored as one can ignore the shoulding done by one's own parents or the shoulding done by a crazy homeless man on the street.


To summarize, I suggest you use the following steps to resolve your concern:

1. Ignore your parents' expectations and pressuring, and ignore them when they should on you or such.

2. After testing out #1 for a while, if it doesn't sufficiently resolve the matter for you, then move on to very assertively telling your parents (either in person or using a written letter) to stop putting pressure on you and to never ever should on you at all. For the first round, you don't necessarily need to use ultimatums, and you will definately want to keep it simple, brief, and very assertive. For more on that, please see my topic, Big Tip for Negotiation & Productive Communication: Less is more. | The power of direct, simple assertiveness.

3. If #2 doesn't work, do it again, but this time give an ultimatum (e.g. "If you continue to should on me or put pressure on me or guilt trip me or try to control my life rather than respect my independence, I will cut off contact with you.")

4. If #3 doesn't work, cut them out of your life. Cut off contact. Block their phone number if needed. Block them on social media. Move further away.


#4 isn't the goal, but the last resort. The initial primary goal is to solve it with #1, but if that proves impossible then you resort to #2, and if that proves impossible then you resort to #3, and then and only then resort to #4.

For more on the concepts behind that procedure, please see the following tweets of mine:

Sometimes the most loving and kind thing to do for all involved, including yourself, is leave the proverbial door unanswered. True love is freedom, not slavery.

When someone communicates their boundaries to you, it is typically an effort to keep you in their life rather than push you away.

Not letting other people's foul mood ruin yours is itself a healthy smart boundary.

Compassion without boundaries is toxic.

Empathy without boundaries is toxic.



My advice: Let go of all of your expectations, including any expectation you have that you meet others' expectations or live up to their literally miserable standards. Instead, create and assertively enforce healthy boundaries.

In short, let go of expectation, and assertively enforce healthy boundaries.

Your inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) is 100% in your control.

Freedom means self-responsibility. Will you choose it? Will you choose the invincible and often uncomfortable happiness that is spiritual liberation, self-discipline, and self-determination? The choice is yours. 100% yours.



With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott



expectations.png




---
In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.
Thank you Scott for replying. I like the phrase "should on"😁. I've tried #1 many times, it works sometimes but sometimes it doesn't. I'm going to try #2 and be stern about it.
Sounds good, but I do suggest in the wording above you replace the word "try" with a different phrase such as "test", since I think the latter more accurately and clearly reflects what you actually mean.

You can test something out to see if it works to solve the alleged problem or cure the illness or such, and that's essentially an act of science. It's, in part, a learning mechanism. It's related to the concept of a "clinical trial" for example.

But when you jump "trial" to "try", you get into murky spiritual water. In reality, there is no try; there is only can and cannot, and from can, do or do not. Whatever it is, it either happens or it doesn't.


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

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Nisha DSouza wrote: January 23rd, 2024, 9:19 am Hi Scott,

I have heard the concept of "making your money work you." [...] I wanted to know your suggestions and tips for medium-risk and high-return investments or strategies that can be used by anyone in the world. Your guidance on this topic will be very much appreciated.
Hi, Nisha DSouza,

Thank you for your question!

A key concept and rule for investing successfully is this: Buy low, sell high.

It's simple, but it can be tricky because it effectively means do what most don't. That's due to supply and demand. The more people are buying, the higher the price goes. If you are chasing the herd (e.g. buying when everyone else is), you will be doing the opposite of what you want to do: You will be buying high (i.e. when demand is highest) and then selling low (when everyone else is selling).

The profitable way is to definite not follow the herd is not doing, but that still leaves countless unprofitable paths. The reason people follow the herd is because, despite minimizing profits it also minimizes risk. Choosing your own path of the infinite paths out there is the only way to make significant profit.

The financial sector is actually just a small, narrow example of the much broader and deeper teachings and wisdom of which the above exemplifies. My book, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All, is the best way to learn this broader teaching and how to apply it in all aspects or your life, including professional, personal, financial, and non-financial.

If I could honestly simply point to one stock or such and say buy

That is what happened in the USA when it came to buying houses and expensive college degrees. Boomers did it when they were young and it worked for them, so they told all their kids and grandkids to do it, and created a housing bubble which burst and a inflated college tuition bubble which is bursting. It's the same formula that leads to a few people making a bunch of money buying bitcoin, then recommending that investment to others, and then others listen to copy the success, and create a bubble that bursts and more people lose money than make money.

If you want to actually make lots of money, you have to be a pioneer, not a herd-follower.

To that end, be very careful how specific the advise is that you ask for or accept when asking for or accepting investment advice.

By all means, take general advice about the fundamentals such as "make your money work for you" and "buy low sell high".

However, whenever someone recommends a very specific investment (e.g. buy houses, get a college degree despite the high price, or buy bitcoin, etc.), disregard it.

The very fact that it worked for them and their peers is--somewhat counter-intuitively--evidence that you already missed your chance and it's a bubble now. It's like a naturally evolved Ponzi scheme, with the people at the top rows of the pyramid (e.g. Baby Boomers who bought houses and college degrees) becoming the unwitting scammers tricking others into buying into a natural Ponzi scheme and/or natural pyramid scheme or other bubble.

Even if they are on TV as 'experts', it's a logical contradiction to think anyone can tell you how to invest your money and play Nostradamus when it comes to thinks like stocks. If they could, everyone would do what they say, and then by definition everyone would be following the herd, which is exactly the opposite of what you need to do. Instead, to invest wisely, you need to learn the fundamentals yourself, learn how to do your own research, and then find the hidden gems yourself. It's more like mining gold by discovering new gold mines that nobody else has ever found, rather than following a treasure map to a specific treasure or already-mined gold mine. If a treasure map works, then it will already be used, and thus worthless. The rule with treasure maps and possible bubbles is this: If it already worked, now it doesn't. Don't buy used treasure maps, even if the price is free.

If someone allegedly can tell you how to invest your money in specific (i.e. exactly what stocks to buy and when), then you are better off loaning them money with interest under specific contract terms secured by collateral, or at least having them start their own official registered mutual fund or such that they manage and then you buy into that as one of the many items in your portfolio. Here is a short video that acts as a great example of how much you can trust TV experts or specific stock tips.

I cannot tell you what specifically to do or invest in, but I can tell you firmly what not to do: And that's whatever other people are encouraging you most to do. Whatever the "common sense" investments are of your time and place is what the bubbles, natural Ponzi schemes, and natural pyramid schemes are. Just like their less natural counterparts, the more that people are pushing it on you and the more confidence that those con men (a.k.a. confidence humans) pushing it on you have, the more certainly you are dealing with a bubble, Ponzi scheme, or pyramid scheme, whether the person so confidently pushing you to invest in that thing knows it is ultimately a scam/con/bubble/etc. or is genuinely believing that their terrible financial advice for you is good. Often times, they just don't realize they are committing a blatant logical fallacy by concluding that since it's profitable for them to have invested into of one the top row of the pyramid (or before the bubble was so big) that it would be profitable for you to invest now at one of the lower rows of the pyramid (or when the bubble has grown).

If I had time a machine, I'd gladly go back to when my parent's were kids and buy 20 houses and multiple college degrees for myself. I'd also grab some bitcoin when it was selling for $0.01 per coin instead of $20,000+ per coin. It would be super profitable on all three counts. And that's because I would have been doing it before the herd was doing it instead of after.

If you do it after, you will lose.

You've already missed your shot with the housing market in the USA, bitcoin, and college degrees. The trick is to figure out what the next bubbles are going to be before they become bubbles and buy low (i.e. now) on those, and then sell well before the bubble pops. Despite the temptation to stay invested in the growing bubble sell right at the last second, don't give into that temptation. In other words, don't walk too close to the cliff (i.e. too close to the bubble bursting), namely because, as you get closer and closer to that slippery unstable hard-to-see cliff, your risk drastically increases while your profit per unit of risk goes way down.

One last tip: Don't risk anything you aren't willing to lose. For instance, I would never take my rent money and buy a stock, even if it was exceptionally safe and profitable. Understand that's for two reasons: (1) so you don't lose something you cannot afford to lose, and (2) because you won't play the investing or gambling game as well if you overly risk-adverse because you are risking money they you cannot afford to lose. In other words, you can gamble/invest more profitably by gambling/investing with money that you're willing to lose.

Again, you will find this related to deeper teachings found in my book that apply not just to finances and financial investing but to life in general. These are ideas about not being desperate, clingy, needy, possessive, and so on, but rather being happy with the process, happy while working, and having a gracious, unpossessive, unclingy approach that manifests as incredible gracefulness and confident clear-minded power.

Show me a greedy or desperate investor, or one who is so cowardly and risk-adverse that he only wants unrealistically "sure things", and I'll show you a fool who is about to donate his money to a more savvy calm confident clear-minded investor.



With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott


make-your-money-work-for-you.jpeg


---
In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Nisha DSouza »

Hi Scott,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes wrote: January 23rd, 2024, 5:18 pm
If you want to actually make lots of money, you have to be a pioneer, not a herd-follower.
This makes a lot of sense. By the time the supposedly great investment reaches the common man, the well-known investors have already exited with handsome returns.

If I had time a machine, I'd gladly go back to when my parent's were kids and buy 20 houses
I too would gladly do this. I understand why it is not a wise option now when the rates are already skyrocketing.

Thank you so much for your helpful advice. And the video clip was hilarious; we have a similar guy who shares his "expert" advice here in India.
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by mrlefty0706 »

Hi Scott,
Very good advice. There are no get rich systems that are foolproof. Working hard for one's money and investing it wisely is the goal. I have found the best solution is to find a financial advisor that works for a very reputable firm that is paid a fee based on the size of the fund. Not a commission but a fee that increases when the fund does well and decreases if the fund goes down in value. Paying a commission to a broker may lead the broker to make risky investments for his or her personal gain. I have used the same financial advisor for the past 21 years and I am very pleased with the results. The first step is to determine how you feel about risk and this is seriously affected by your age and position in your career. If you are close to retirement age you do not want to make risky investments because if you lose you might not have time to make it up. On the other hand, if you are very satisfied with the funds you have accumulated and are comfortable with the fund growing or decreasing at a low rate because of not making risky investments then that is your risk factor. An investor in their early 20s has many years of work ahead of them and can afford to take more risk than an investor in their mid to late 50s needs to maintain their fund and grow at a reasonable rate. The best advice I have is to not try to invest your nest egg without a financial advisor. @Mrlefty0706
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Mary Clarkee »

Nice. I have a question for you. How can I incorporate creative elements into my fitness routine to make it more enjoyable and sustainable over the long term? Additionally, how might this approach align with your philosophy on creating wealth and success?
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Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

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Mary Clarkee wrote: January 31st, 2024, 10:08 am I have a question for you. How can I incorporate creative elements into my fitness routine to make it more enjoyable and sustainable over the long term? Additionally, how might this approach align with your philosophy on creating wealth and success?
Hi, Mary Clarkee,

Thank you for your question! :)

First, I want you to honestly ask yourself a question, set aside some dedicated focused time to think or meditate on the answer while doing nothing else, and then only proceed one way or the other from there. That question is this: If, hypothetically, there was absolutely no way to stick to your fitness routine and reach your fitness goals without it being extremely boring, painful, uncomfortable, and unfun (i.e. not fun), would you then prefer (1) to do it anyway, or (2) choose the comfort, fun, and excitement over the fitness goals?

I am not saying it actually is so binary such that you actually do have to choose between only those two extremes. Rather, I am asking, hypothetically, if you could only choose one, which would you choose?

Answering that question will help you understand and be honest with yourself about what your real priorities are. In reality, you can only have a single number one priorities.

My system for maintaining inner peace and achieving huge external success with incredible grace, confidence, and happy ease is built on honestly determining what one's own priorities are, in order, and then making absolutely certain to take care of #1 before taking care of #2 and to do #2 before #3 and so on. I look at the big priorities and top goals like big rocks, and look at the the lower priorities as sand, and look at it is if I am looking to fill a finite sack. I put the big rocks in first, then once I am sure I have got those in there, I pour in as much sand as I can.

If you put the sand in first, then you won't have room for the rocks.

Which is the sand for you? The fitness goals or the creative fun and the comfort of avoiding something that's boring.

In reality, you may be able to have some of both (or not), but to be sure to get your rock you need to know which is the rock and which is the sand. Then you definitely get your rock and you get a little bit of the sand too as some icing on the proverbial cake.

In analogy, someone might ask me, "how can I stick to my weight loss diet and eat lots of tasty food and not feel hungry all the time?" Well those are two (or more) different goals, and one is the big rock and the other is some of the pebbles or sand. The question is sort of incomplete and possibly loaded with rationalizations that potentially betray the fact that the asker may not be fully honest with themselves yet about whether their goals are, or just haven't taken the time to really consider it, which is why my first suggestion above was for you to take some dedicated focused time to monotask on meditating on this question and asking yourself this question, the question being what your biggest priority (i.e. biggest rock) is, versus what's just some sand that you'd be willing to do without.

In another analogy, a recovering alcoholic might ask me, "I just started going to AA, and have been sober for a few weeks, but I am losing touch with my friends as a result. How can I stay sober and stay good friends with all of my old drinking buddies?"

Even if in reality you won't have to choose between the two in the most extreme black-and-white binary way, such that you can have all of one and still some of the other, it's typically very helpful to start by hypothetically imagining you only had the binary option of all of first and none of the second vs none of the first and all of the second. And that's just so you can understand what you real #1 priority is, meaning what your biggest rock is and thus also which is just some of of the infinite sand and pebbles in comparison. It's just some of the infinite of pile of available extra icing some of which you might throw on top if you have some time left.

For some people, maybe their #1 goal in life is simply to avoid uncomfortable bodily feelings like hunger. There's nothing wrong with that. To each their own.

For some people, drinking and partying and being the life of the part might be their #1 priority. There's nothing wrong with that. To each their own.

The treadmill was invented as a literal torture machine to torture people against their will. I bought one for myself and use it recreationally. To each their own.

Some people are into some very brutal sexual BDSM, with chains, whips, pain, and bruises. For others, that's the stuff of nightmares. To each their own.

Recreation is a funny thing because we all recreate differently, and one person's eagerly met voluntary recreation would be another's torture. One person's trash is another's treasure.

I think I have answered your second question first. I think the above first steps demonstrate how that initial approach (namely taking some time to honestly determine what your true #1 goal is) aligns with my overall philosophy on creating wealth and success.

The first question will actually be easy for you to answer, or not need to be answered so much, once you take care of the recommendations above. The seeming conflicts (e.g. maintaining sobriety while maintaining friendships, losing weight while still eating tasty snacks and not feeling hunger, etc.) tend to evaporate once one takes the time to do the self-exploration and meditation to honestly know oneself. The false appearance of conflict artists from trying to fit an impossible amount of rocks and sand in a bag, and then one in that situation might ask me how they can fit even more rocks and sand in their bag. My answer is you cannot. It is impossible. Instead, I suggest you start emptying your cup. A cup is useful because of it's emptiness. Conceptually take everything out of your finite bag; in your mind, dump out all the rocks and sand. Then, slowly, with extreme self-honesty, one at a time pick your priorities and put them in the empty bag one a time. You'll get your big rocks, then you can throw some sand in, and other people will asking you, "Wow, how did you fit so much in your bag? It must be the heaviest most filled bag I've ever seen! How do you get so much done? How do you achieve such incredible success in everything you put your mind to?" Do what I've told you in this post, and they will be asking you that.

You asked me how make you fitness routine more enjoyable and sustainable. I'm tell you that if you expect it to be enjoyable, it won't be sustainable. And that's okay. If one enjoys watching TV and eating cupcakes better than exercising or such, and one prioritizes such enjoyment over sticking to a certain fitness regime, then I would and do honestly and whole-heartedly recommend that person leave the gym, go home and eat cupcakes and watch TV.

To do otherwise would be like recommending a heterosexual person have gay sex. Or vice versa, It doesn't make sense.

It would be like recommending a happy Jewish person go to a Christian Church on Sundays instead of their Jewish Temple on Saturdays. It doesn't make sense.

To make such recommendations (or to just silently judge or resent people for not doing such things) would be an example of what I call Orwellian Agent-Smithism, meaning an utter and total failure to under respect spiritual freedom, self-government, and the beautiful diversity that freedom, independence, and individuality engender. Or, in short, a failure to understand and respect the principles of (1) to each their own and (2) live and let live.

For some, they struggle more with accepting others using those principles. For other people, they struggle with applying those principles of radical acceptance to the human they see in the mirror. For one example of countless, sometimes it's a straight person engaging in Orwellian Agent-Smithism against a gay person, but other times it's a gay person doing the same thing to the human they see in the mirror.

So you can see why it is so crucial to start by truly asking yourself the hypothetical I gave you and thinking about and/or meditating on the answer, to ensure you have to come a place of deep honest self-knowledge, namely in regard to your true priorities.

The most crucial part of sustaining your walk along the path you choose is choosing the path that most accurately corresponds to you. A rougher way of saying that would be this: Sustaining your walk along path to go the furthest distances depends most on choosing the right path in the first place, with the concept of "right path" simply meaning the path that truly and honestly corresponds to your actual priorities. Perhaps the main reason most people give up on going after a goal that could achieve as long as they don't give up is that they chose to start chasing a goal that wasn't really their real top goal or priority in the first place. Confidence in your destination as being truly the place you truly and honestly want to be at the time you will get there is the key to sustaining and completing the walk from where you are to there.

So now I think I have answered not only you second question but also the "sustainability" part of your first question, which leaves only this:

" How can I incorporate creative elements into my fitness routine to make it more enjoyable over the long term?"

I surely could provide much more helpful and applicable suggestions if I knew exactly what your current fitness regime is like (as well as a bit more about your personality, hobbies, and tastes in general). Assuming you've signed up for my free mentoring program, then we will definitely get to that. For instance, once you complete the first 100 day period, I have you fill out a survey I wrote myself that includes you telling me exactly how you spend every hour of your week. At that stage, I'll have the info to make very specific and tailored suggestions for tweaks to your routine and such that will uniquely apply for you.

Broadly speaking, here are some suggestions each of which or may not apply depending what kind of things you find enjoyable:

1. If you love sports and activities, you can do sign up for things like dance classes, rock climbing, boxing, kickboxing, or martial arts such as jiu jitsu. Those are actually all things I have done, and I didn't do any of them for the exercise, but rather just for the fun and enjoyment. The exercise that came with those enjoyable activities was sometimes an extra plus and sometimes an extra con that I accepted as a price of the enjoyment, in that it could put me at risk of over-training or otherwise interfere with other aspects my overall exercise regime. In other words, I do all those things just for enjoyment, not the huge amount of exercise they entail, and as a result would be at risk of accidentally getting way too much exercise. Other examples of similar activities are swimming, tennis, volleyball, bowling. You can usually find somewhere to sign up for weekly lessons (which can be great if you are a beginning) or otherwise find a team and/or league to join to do actual competitions.

2. If you love math and numbers like I do, then you can stick to some very specific routines (e.g. run the exact some distance once a week on the exact same day and carefully track your progress on a computer spreadsheet, do the same weight lifting exercises week after week and carefully track your progress, count your calories religiously, and weigh yourself everyday, etc. etc.). I run my body and fitness like a business, with me almost more of the accountant (or CFO) than the CEO, making it all about numbers and spreadsheets and bottom lines, and I love it. I love being able to predict exactly how much I am going to weigh or lift in a month, or by some other date, simply by tracking the numbers. I love the way I can track how many calories are coming in and how many are going out and thus essentially tell you how much weight I've gained or lost without even having to weigh myself. Even though I do weigh myself or test out my max life in the gym, in a way I'm just cross-checking what I already know and have calculated. Not everyone would enjoying being an accountant or CEO of a literal business, and so not everyone would enjoy tracking their health and fitness numbers so exactly, but I love it. It's fun for me.

3. You can listen to music, audiobooks, or even watch videos, TV, or movies while exercising. I usually listen to great music that I love while working out, and on the treadmill I'll even watch a playlist of my favorite music videos.

4. Set specific goals that are very ambitious yet achievable, and make sure to write them down. The science is there if you want to research it: But you get incredible beneficial hormonal rushes and pleasure and enjoyment from literally crossing a goal off your list. Or checking it off, or whatever system to use. I actually do daily goal-setting, meaning at any point in my life I have about 5-10 top goals with specific dates, and each morning first thing I re-write those same 5-10 goals down. So I have a notebook with page after page after page of the same 10 goals written down over and over. When I reach one, then I replace it with a different one. It provides a lot more pleasure to achieve something that you have explicitly set as a goal in advance versus achieving the same thing but it not being a goal you had explicitly set. It rightly makes it feel a lot more like something you and that you achieved, in the sense of the real you. It's not really "success" if it finds you and just falls in your lap. So it feels much better when you illustrate to yourself undeniably in writing that it is something you are choosing to achieve over time and then do.

5. Make sure to do your best to achieve progressive overload and deeply challenge yourself. For example, if you life weights, then every time you go to the gym to do the same workout, make sure to add a little bit more weight to what you life or do an extra rep. In another example, if you are doing the treadmill or running outdoors, make sure that each time you go running you run either a little further or run a little faster. If your workout is getting boring and unenjoyable, that's usually a symptom that you aren't challenging yourself enough and are just doing the exact same thing each time. I do typically recommend doing almost the same workout each week, mainly just so you can track your progress in an apples to apples way, but then you create the continuous novelty via the continuous. Each week is new and different because you are doing a little bit more than you did the week before, and challenging yourself more than you ever did before, and achieving goals you have never achieved before. If you do 10 pushups every Monday that will get boring fast. But if you do 10 this Monday, then 11 the next, then 12 the next, the 13 the next, and so on, that will be endlessly enjoyable with endless novelty because each week you are hitting a new PR and doing something you have never done before. Progress is novelty, so use continuous progressive overload to create an endless supply of enjoyable novelty and joyous new achievements.


I hope these tips are helpful! Please do let me know if you have any follow-up questions about this or anything.


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott



Be one of the 1%! Write down your goals over and over every day first thing in the morning.
Be one of the 1%! Write down your goals over and over every day first thing in the morning.



---
In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
Cryptic Spy
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Cryptic Spy »

So, I just started this book review gig. Can you tell me somethings to keep in mind for this to succeed?
Cryptic Spy
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Posts: 11
Joined: February 1st, 2024, 8:30 am

Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Cryptic Spy »

Also, could you tell me some ideas for a successful startup?
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Chinazo Anozie »

"The very fact that it worked for them and their peers is...evidence that you already missed your chance and it's a bubble now." Once you start hearing a lot about it, it's probably too late.
"Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful."-Warren Buffett
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Re: Public Q&A for My Mentees (or Anyone Who Wants My Advice) -- If you want my advice about anything, post your Qs here

Post by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes »

Cryptic Spy wrote: February 2nd, 2024, 11:58 pm So, I just started this book review gig. Can you tell me somethings to keep in mind for this to succeed?
Yes, we have a full guide for that, called the "Review Team Guidelines & Basics". Here is the link to view the Review Team Guidelines & Basics:

https://forums.onlinebookclub.org/revie ... elines.php
My entire political philosophy summed up in one tweet.

"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."

I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.
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