A person can be unkind without being dishonest, but it is impossible to be dishonest without being unkind.
Dishonesty is inherently unkind, manipulative, and abusive.
Brutal honesty is always much kinder than even the kindest dishonesty.
If you can be honest without being brutal, go for it, definitely. But never choose non-brutality over honesty.
It's analogous to using defensive force against a violent attacker. There's such a thing as "excessive force", which would be a case where you use more force and violence than necessary to defend yourself. For instance, after you've got an attacker handcuffed on the ground, you might start angrily kicking him while he is already down and no longer poses a threat. That would be "excessive force", and, even though it is done as part of a broader act of defense, that part is not defensive.
Similarly, when it comes to being honest, use as much brutality as it takes to be honest, but no more than that.
Being brutally honest is the kindest thing to do anyway because being dishonest even in the name of non-brutality is actually very unkind, very manipulative, and outright abusive.
I recommend you always be brutally honest if the alternative is to be dishonest. Nonetheless, be no more brutal than required to still remain 100% honest.
Just as I would advise you to not use "excessive force" when defending yourself from literal violent attackers, I advise you to not use "excessive brutality" when being honest. That means this: Be as forceful and violent as required to defend yourself, but never more forceful or violent than that. Be as brutal as required to always remain 100% honest, but never more brutal than that.
Once would-be defensive force becomes "excessive" it is, by definition, no longer defensive. Similarly, once the brutality of would-be brutal honesty becomes "excessively" brutal, then, by definition, it is no longer brutal honesty; it's just sadistic brutality unrelated to being honest.
Take note, being honest doesn't mean you say every nasty thing that pops up in your mind. Quite the opposite: The most sure sign of an honest person is that they speak much less than most people and rarely share their thoughts or judgments, especially if not asked for those thoughts or judgements.
There is such a thing as a "lie by omission" and what we can call intentionally deceptive implication, but those things are highly circumstantial exceptions that require an intention to mislead and deceive; they are not the rule. If fact, over 99.999% of truths most go unsaid because there isn't enough minutes in a human lifetime to say all the truth things are there to say. Generally, you are not being dishonest at all by simply not loudly proclaiming you believe or think something you believe or think but instead politely keeping that belief or thought to yourself. If you just pooped in the bathroom, there is nothing dishonest about keeping quiet rather than running around screaming to everyone you can find, "I just pooped!"
Indeed, the choice to always be completely honest goes hand-in-hand with learning to not even have judgements and to not engage in judgementalism.
You won't be tempted to lie about your mean or hateful thoughts if you stop having them.
Regardless, let this be your motto:
Speak truth, or don't speak.
Non-brutality is never an excuse to lie.
Kindness is never an excuse to lie.
Lying is unkind. It's unkind to you and to the person to whom you lie. If you aren't going to tell the truth, the at least just shut up. It's not only kinder; it's quiet, peaceful, and calming.
With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
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In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.
"The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master."
I believe spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline) manifests as bravery, confidence, grace, honesty, love, and inner peace.