Typically, the best way to destroy a man is to give him what he thinks he wants. | "More money, more problems."

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

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99% of the time, when someone says they have an "income problem", they actually have a spending problem. It's kind of like how a detoxing alcoholic will claim that their problem is that they don't have enough to drink.

99% of the time when someone says or thinks that their problems would be solved by having more income and money, the exact opposite is actually the case. For example, if you double the income of someone who is in debt, they will likely just end up twice as much in debt. For example, someone who gets a mortgage and car loan they can't really afford on X income will just get twice as big a house and twice as expensive of a car loan on 2X income. They will just make the same mistakes but twice as bad.

That's where the expression "more money more problems" comes from. It means the person with the money is the problem, and the more money they get, the worse it gets.

Here are some real stats from the USA today to just illustrate the much deeper and much more timeless philosophical truth of which I speak: About 70% of big lottery winners end up going broke. 44% of winners file for bankruptcy within 5 years of winning the lottery. If you want be terribly broke and worse off financially then you are now, then hope to win the lottery.

It doesn't just happen with money: Give an ungrateful person more, and it just makes them more ungrateful (a.k.a. miserable).

Or, in other words, and I mean this playfully with no hatred at all: Give an entitled spoiled brat even more, and you just make them even more entitled and bratty and ungrateful (a.k.a. miserable).

Do you keep a daily gratitude journal in writing? Is your first thought when you wake up in the morning all the many things for which you are grateful?

Typically, the best way to destroy a person is to give them what they think they want. It's to be toxic enabler--something most people do in the name of love. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, people say. I don't know if I would actually use the label "good intentions" to describe toxic enabling in the false name of love, but it sure does a terribly massive amount of damage to humans, perhaps even more than outright hate. Careful what you do allegedly out of love, or what others do to you allegedly out of love.

99% of the time when someone claims they'd be better off if you gave them more of something, or if they otherwise got more of that thing, the truth is the exact opposite: They'd be better off with less, and worse off with more.

Luckily, nature and time has a way of teaching most people that lesson. All humans are on the addiction spectrum, and eventually pretty much all overdose in one sense or another. And rock bottom is where salvation is most often found, where people most often finally turn it all around.

Or, as I say it in my book, on page 43, "Those who have not been blessed by discomfort yet will be soon."

“I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
― J.K. Rowling, Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination

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In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program.

[Oscar Zereta]

I don't totally agree with you though. It depends on what the individual wants. It can be something that will trigger or destroy the individual's success. Giving a man the positive things he needs would boost his success a lot.

[Kajori Sheryl Paul]

True, the best times often arrive after hitting rock bottom.

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi, Oscar Zereta,

Thank you for your reply!

It can be something that will trigger or destroy the individual's success.

I'm not 100% sure what you mean by "it" in this context.

Regardless, I suspect we don't disagree at all, but rather just use the terms a little differently, meaning it's an illusion of disagreement created by the equivocalness of language.

As I use the terms, success is a choice, and thus failure is an illusion. As I say in the book, do or do not; There is not try; Trying is lying. For more on the fact that success if a choice and failure is an illusion, I suggest you read the following topics:

Beware: The phrase "work hard" can be just as dishonest and dangerous as the word "try". Be very careful with it!

My Three Principles for Happiness and Success (in that order!) | Be Happy and Achieve Incredible Success Guaranteed


The idea that one's own "success" or true happiness (a.k.a. inner peace) depends on some uncontrollable externals (e.g. the choices of other humans or the weather) is the miserable addict's way of look at things, and it is simply and blatantly wrong, not morally wrong but factually wrong.

As I wrote in this post in the public Q&A: "Self-responsibility (and by extension self-discipline, spiritual freedom, and inner peace) is, I think, less about taking responsibility for oneself and more about not taking undue responsibility for others."

Giving a man the positive things he needs would boost his success a lot.

Ahh, but what do you mean exactly by "positive" when you say "positive things"? And who decides what's "positive" versus 'not positive' or even 'negative'?

Likewise, what do you mean by "success" in the above sentence as you use the term there? And who decides what is "success" versus not success for a person?

For example, if you are really following the teachings of my book, you never look at an alcoholic taking a drink and say, presumably with resentment or judgementalism, "he is failing to be sober! He is failing to not drink! He shouldn't be doing that! Let's all figure out what's to blame for his failure! Let's all figure out what's causing this evil thing to exist! Let's all figure out what's causing this thing that shouldn't be happening to happen!"

Instead, you might look at him and say, "he is succeeding at drinking". Then, at least, you would be in a sense focusing on self-responsibility and looking at things more in the lens of my book's teachings, but you would still be seeming to do the odd almost paradoxical thing of focusing heavily on someone else's self-responsibility.

However, more likely, if you are truly following the teachings of my book, you will almost never waste any of your valuable time, money, and energy on judgmentally measuring his success or the reasons thereof at all, neither positively nor negatively, and you will instead look squarely into the mirror and focus your time, energy, and resources on your own choices. You will most likely instead focus on the fact that all humans are on the addiction spectrum, including the one in the mirror. In other words, you will focus on self-responsibility, namely the self-responsibility of the human in the mirror and only the human in the mirror, and only on that specific-aged version of that human in the mirror.

The imaginary failure of others is a comforting delusion for those who don't have the true happiness (a.k.a. inner peace) of being at accepting free-spirited (a.k.a. self-disciplined) peace with their own choices.. Failure is a comforting delusion for those who don't want to look into the mirror with honest self-responsibility. "I can help that failure over there be a success," is a comforting lie to tell oneself and others for someone who themselves lacks the true happiness of spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

When you truly follow the teachings of my book, you generally don't describe the cards you are dealt (i.e. the things you cannot control, including the choices of others) as positive or negative, but rather you focus those kind of preference statements, solely on your choices in your own unique present (i.e. how you play the cards). And, as my book says, "when it comes to your choices, you always get exactly what you want, meaning what you choose."


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Hi, Rahul Singh 29,

Thank you for your reply!

I think it is more accurate to say that money is a tool that can be used for good or evil.

Have you already read my book, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All?

A central point in my book and teachings is that should-not-have-ness (a.k.a. "evil") does not exist. Nothing happens that shouldn't happen, and thus indeed the very concept of should and ought is nonsense. Instead, one who follows the teachings of my book therefore firmly practices the principle of fully and unconditionally accepting that which you cannot control.

For more on that, I suggest you read and reply to the following topic of mine:

Six Questions for People Who Believe Should-Not-Have-Ness Exists (i.e. for people who believe in 'shoulds' and 'oughts')

Money can be used to buy happiness,

I disagree, at least assuming we are talking about the true happiness that is free-spirited inner peace (versus, in contrast, the petty fleeting emotional highs of comfort and of indulging addictions and such, all of which are highs that inherently always get balanced by equal lows, in a yin-yang way, due to many reasons not the least of which is sensory adaption).

To that point, here is something from page 114 of my book, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All:

What does the real you need? Nothing.

What has to be accomplished for you to have inner peace? Nothing.

How much money do you need to accumulate to have inner peace? None.

What percentage of your income must you absolutely donate to charity lest you deny yourself inner peace? None.

How many minutes do you need to stay on that treadmill before you can enjoy the deep spiritual happiness of inner peace? Zero minutes. You can have it even while you run and sweat.

How much money does it cost to be yourself, your true self? None.

How much time does it take before you can become yourself, your true self? None, no time, zero minutes.

Money cannot buy true happiness because true happiness costs $0. You can't buy what's free.

Yet, many sell it. Many sell what costs nothing and can only be given away. It's the most valuable thing in the world, and it's free, and many trade it away so easily. The opposite of being a free-spirited (a.k.a. self-disciplined) person is being a sell-out. It's being a spiritual slave or spiritual prisoner in one sense or another.

To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, many humans think they are buying pleasure and comfort when they are really selling themselves to it.

All humans are on the addiction spectrum.

"For what has a man profited, if he gains the whole world for the price of his soul?"



With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott

How much does free-spirited inner peace (a.k.a. true happiness) cost? Nothing. $0.

[Sushan]

I can't help but nod in agreement with much of what's expressed in this post. It's a sharp reminder of how easily we can get entangled in the never-ending chase for 'more,' often neglecting the treasures already within our grasp. The stats about lottery winners are indeed a sobering reflection on how a sudden influx of wealth can sometimes exacerbate, rather than alleviate, our problems.

The concept of 'toxic enabling' is particularly striking. It's unsettling to think that actions carried out with the best of intentions can sometimes lead to the worst outcomes. It's a reminder to tread carefully in our interactions with others, always mindful of the long-term impact of our actions.

The suggestion about keeping a daily gratitude journal resonated with me. It's a simple yet powerful practice that can shift our focus from what we lack to what we already possess. It's about finding contentment in the present moment, amidst whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.

The narrative about reaching 'rock bottom' before one can rise again is as hopeful as it is harrowing. It's a stark representation of life's ability to teach through adversity, nudging us towards introspection and change.

This post leaves me with a lot to ponder upon, especially about the fine balance between striving for better while appreciating what is. It's a narrative that I believe many of us can relate to on some level, as we navigate the complex web of desires, expectations, and reality.

[Runan]

I think this lesson is very important to parents as well. Unknowingly, parents become children's toxic enablers. When a parent gives their child what they want just to stop them from crying, they are unknowingly causing the child to get addicted to the toxic behaviour. If one is not satisfied or grateful for what they have, nothing in the world can satiate their hunger. They will always remain unhappy.

[Somtochukwu olisagozie N]

Discomfort is indeed a blessing, and gratitude is everything. when you are happy for what you have, you become satisfied with it and you become less entitled to other's possessions. I am growing in these two virtues.

[Joy Wendy]

I don't agree with you on this though. This might turn out two ways. its either he makes good of what he receives or it destroy him. Many people have different ways of handling their situations.

[Oleabhiele Joseph]

Well, you say if you give a man what he wants, he ends up worse. But come to think of it, if those lottery winners were financially educated along with winning the lottery(those people do not know how to create wealth, and that’s why they always end up broke), he’ll make the most out of it, certainly. If someone entered the lottery for the sole purpose of creating wealth and investments from his lottery winnings, you can’t tell me that person would go broke within five years. So in essence, when you give a man what he wants, you can add in a little xtra to make sure his wants doesn’t destroy him.

[Mindful Wordsmith]

I agree with this post. The value of money and comfort decreases the more one has it. Money, in particular, turns against those who never learned to manage it when they had access to only a smaller amount of money. A lot of folks will waste extra money on all the unnecessary stuff and then lament when they don't have enough or any money for their most important needs. In my personal experience, most of the said unnecessary stuff is just something people buy which gives them a false sense of importance. On the contrary, those who know the value of money will first spend it on needs and then wants.

[Abbra Marsh]

I've learned that when people say they have an "income problem," it often boils down to spending habits. More money doesn't always solve financial issues; sometimes, it worsens them. Stats show many lottery winners end up broke. It's a reminder that excess, be it money or other things, can lead to problems.

Personally, I've found that discomfort often teaches valuable lessons. Hitting rock bottom can be a foundation for positive change, as J.K. Rowling eloquently puts it. So, I focus on gratitude and recognize that sometimes less is more.

[Juma Florence]

While there's truth in the idea that excessive indulgence or fulfillment of desires can lead to negative consequences, it's important to recognize that individual circumstances vary. Financial responsibility, gratitude, and self-awareness play crucial roles in determining the impact of increased resources. Not everyone succumbs to the pitfalls you've described, and many individuals can effectively manage and appreciate what they have. Life experiences are complex, and generalizations may not capture the diversity of human responses to different situations.

[Mara Valentina]

These two statements are related. When we give someone what they think they want, we may actually be setting them up for disappointment and unhappiness. This is because what we think we want is not always what is best for us in the long run. I believe that it is important to be mindful of our desires and to make sure that they are aligned with our values. We should not pursue things that will ultimately make us unhappy, even if they are things that we think we want.

[Sbitan Mohammad]

This is a wonderful perspective but I think it applies either way as money can make or mar a person.